Beyond the Noisy World: The Long Lost Eight Sects: 003, men are not good things

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"Doctor Ding, I still like to call you Dr. Ding. Actually, I am here not to change my opinion of men, but to know how to reverse my mother’s opinion of me, and don’t always force me to go on a blind date. , Where is it?"

The speaker is a young woman, her shoulders are not very relaxed, her elbows are closed, her hands are on her thighs, her legs are close together, her back is not leaning against the sofa, and her head is tilted forward when she speaks.

This is already the third consultation conversation between Ding Qi and the help-seeker. No breakthrough has been made in the previous two talks. This is somewhat related to the help-seeker's obvious resistance and strong sense of self-protection.

During the "ingestion meeting" during the first meeting, Ding Qi told her that she didn't need to call herself Dr. Ding, because the psychological counselor and the seeker were not the relationship between the doctor and the patient. But the other party insisted on calling it this way, and out of the principle of respect and acceptance, Ding Qi left her alone.

The so-called ingestive meeting means that the counselor starts from receiving the self-helper for the first time, and uses techniques such as listening, questioning, reflection, and guidance to determine the appearance and potential purpose of the help-seeker, find out the other party’s possible psychological problems, and collect them. , Organize relevant consulting file information. Today, the help-seeker has passed the phase of ingestive talks.

Ding Qi did not show a smile, but he acted very sincerely and attentively, and said in a gentle and patient tone: "We must not only change our views, but also change our practices; and the focus is not on your mother, mainly on yourself. At first you did not I think I have psychological problems, but my mother is troublesome. After consultation, you also realize that there are conflicts in your heart and you are troubled in your life. It shows that our talks are still making progress, right?"

While speaking, Ding Qi "opened" pages of records. It is not opened on the coffee table, but in the mind, like a notebook or computer document——

Name: Liu Guonan

Gender: Female

Age: 27 years old

Occupation: Graphic designer in the new media industry

Place of birth: this city

Education: Undergraduate degree

Marital status: unmarried, no previous marriage history. According to his mother's introduction and my own self-report, there is no stable relationship history. Judging by the content of the talks, there should be no sexual experience so far.

……

Problems and initial diagnosis: The seeker insisted that men are not good things. His mother was deeply worried about this and had arranged blind dates for her many times and persuaded her that she should find someone to fall in love with and get married. The help seeker was bored with the mother's nagging and was troubled by it. When her mother introduced the situation of the help seeker, she hinted at her concerns about her sexual orientation.

The seeker did not seem to be actively seeking help, but to conduct psychological counseling at the mother’s repeated requests. However, she was willing to use psychological counseling as an attempt to solve the problem. She had three consecutive interviews, and the latter two came by herself alone, indicating that she still had the expectation of seeking help in her subconscious mind, not superficial rejection.

It originally claimed that the purpose was not to solve her own psychological problems, but to avoid her mother's nagging, so that she had an excuse to stop her forcing her to find someone. Although the chromosomal abnormality test has not been performed, the initial diagnosis shows that the seeker does not have a homosexual tendency.

In general female homosexuality, the active party is usually a problem of sexual role recognition, the passive party is usually a problem of sexual object selection, and the male is the opposite. The help-seeker does not have the bias of sexual role recognition or sexual object selection. She just insists that men are not good things, and the psychological state shown by her words and deeds is exactly from the perspective of women's cognitive identity and choice.

Seekers have a clear understanding of their opinions, their current situation, and their troubles, but they only regard them as a kind of personality. And this kind of personality concept of her conflicts with the concepts of the surrounding people, and feels distressed. It shows the coordination of psychological activities and conforms to the personality characteristics of introversion and the pursuit of perfection.

Psychotic symptoms can be basically ruled out, and the characteristics of psychosis are not observed. There are psychological problems, but it belongs to the category of normal people's mental activities...

It’s a little hard to imagine. These are the contents "opened" in my mind, like a clear book flashing quickly, completing the systematic memory summarization and information sorting in a silent manner. But this is not a special function. It is just a quality that an excellent psychologist should possess after long-term professional training. It seems to be a "supernormal ability" different from ordinary people.

Mastering this ability requires a very focused state and long-term skill training. In theory, this is a skill that a good psychological counselor must master, but each person has different talents, different levels of concentration and effort, and of course the level of mastery is also different.

Ding Qi is undoubtedly extremely talented and very hardworking. His professional skills can reach almost the highest level. Instructor Liu Feng once gave this technique a name that has not yet been recognized in the industry-Heart Book Technique.

In the process of psychological counseling, unless the other party’s consent is obtained, the counselor cannot make on-site records, especially in the initial ingestive conversation, and try not to make transcripts as much as possible to avoid asking for help The doubts and disgust of the readers. This requires the consultant to accurately remember the content of the help-seeker's complaint during the one-hour meeting, and grasp the core elements in the scattered words and summarize them. All this is done in the mind. .

These summarized information content can contain various forms and documents. That is to say, the counselor fills in various forms and documents in his mind while the conversation is in progress. This is a very professional Skill. In the subsequent talks, we should apply the summarized information in a timely manner to provide reasonable feedback to those seeking help.

Often, only after the interview is over and the seeker leaves, the counselor can record this information so as not to forget it. And before the next consultation, you should familiarize yourself with these records again. Usually, you can't read them on-site during a formal meeting, but present and use them in your mind.

It is more important to note that the psychological counselor cannot be distracted during this process. They must always pay attention to the content of the meeting and the response of the helper. The information in the mind is constantly organized and formed and used for feedback, which is carried out at the same time as the meeting. of. Although Ding Qi is still very young, in this respect, he is already a master of "Mind Book".

The temperature and light in the consultation room are very comfortable, but there are no redundant furnishings that may cause distractions and uneasy seekers. Two sofas, one long and one short, and a coffee table. There are no pens and pens on the coffee table, only two paper cups.

The pen may also become a harmful weapon on special occasions. If it does not appear, it is best not to appear. Even if it appears, it cannot be placed where the helper can reach it. The door of the counseling room is very soundproof, but it cannot be locked. All of this is to prevent certain accidents and is also the self-protection of the counselor.

Patients with mental abnormalities can be found through simple observation and inquiries. They are usually sent to a psychiatric department for diagnosis and treatment. In theory, they are not the service targets of psychological counselors, but they should be just in case. At least most of the help seekers who come here have psychological or emotional problems.

While Ding Qi sorted out the "Book of Mind", Liu Guonan replied: "I didn't think I had a problem or it was my problem, but I talked with Dr. Ding twice and I also felt that some problems need to be resolved. , I do have troubles... Doctor Ding, many people around me think I am sick, do you think so too?"

Ding Qi replied solemnly: "You asked this question when you first met. I told you at the time that you are not sick, at least from a medical point of view, you are not neurotic or psychotic. Symptoms. You are a normal person, but normal people also have psychological problems, sometimes in a mentally unhealthy state, which will affect people’s lives."

Liu Guonan nodded in satisfaction: "Well, Dr. Ding is very professional and can stick to his own opinions. This is how you analyzed with me last time... In this case, how can I stop my mother from bothering me? ?"

Ding Qi: "What we are trying to solve is not your mother’s problem, but your problem. It seems that your inner troubles are mainly due to two aspects. One is that your mother’s nagging and suspicion make you overwhelmed. Annoying, she insists that you don’t want to talk about the object. The second is your own point of view, insisting that men are not good things. From my observation, your implicit meaning is that interacting with men will cause you Hurt, is that right?"

When talking, Ding Qi couldn't help but think of Liu Guonan's mother. It took him a lot of effort to make the aunt understand that the psychological counseling center is not an institution like a community dating agency.

Liu Guonan replied: "Let you summarize it like this, it seems to be the same thing. But the second one is my own problem, it has nothing to do with others!"

Ding Qi: "For the first question, the goal of psychological counseling is to help you adjust your cognition and behavior, so as to adapt and adjust the way you get along with your mother, so that conflicts of ideas no longer cause trouble, so in Here, it’s still your problem.... Regarding the second question, since men are not good things, how do you think of your father, is he not a good thing either?"

When he said the following words, Ding Qi tried to put his tone softly and watched Liu Guonan's reaction. Liu Guonan reacted quickly, and immediately replied: "My father is very good, he is a good man."

Ding Qi: "But this is not in line with the concept you insist on. He is also a man, and you say that men are not good things."

Liu Guonan: "I didn't treat him as a man. My father is my father. It's impossible to be my man. In my opinion, the so-called man should be..." I suddenly stopped here.

Ding Qi felt that he was about to grasp the key to the problem, and immediately responded: “I’m trying to help you sum up. In your opinion, men with only gender significance are not men, and they may have **** with you. It’s the man who has the emotional relationship? So when you say that men are not good things, you actually mean this kind of man?"

Liu Guonan nodded and said: "Yes, it is impossible for someone to have that kind of relationship with me. I care if he is good or bad, male or female."

Ding Qi once again emphasized: "This kind of relationship you are talking about refers to the emotional relationship between the sexes. There are two main types. Men who are interested in you or men who may be interested in you are not good things. ! As for other people, although their gender is also male, they are not within the scope of your evaluation. Is that true?"

Liu Guonan thoughtfully said: "It seems like this, but since men are not good things, why would I be interested in them?" The process of psychological counseling is often repeated in this way, and many things happen to ordinary people. It may sound "stupid", but people with psychological problems don't think so. They think it's very serious and important.

Ding Qi finally laughed: "The so-called interest is not necessarily like or dislike, but an emotional investment. You will pay attention to them, consciously or unconsciously, and put in a strong emotion. For example, you insist A certain kind of man is not a good thing, this is the emotion of attention and devotion in your heart."

Liu Guonan: "It seems that this is really the case. For example, Dr. Ding, you, I didn't care if you were a man at first."

Ding Qi: "I suggested for the first time that if you are disgusted with men, you can refer you to a female psychologist, but you said that it is unnecessary. There is such a reason."

Liu Guonan: "In fact, even if I think you are not a good thing, I don't want to change to a woman for consultation... Men generally think that I am difficult, but women generally think that I am sick."

Ding Qi corrected it at the right time: "This is just the individual people you come into contact with. You think they think of you. Don't extend this individual and self-understanding to everyone infinitely. We You can’t think about it that way."

Liu Guonan: "Doctor Ding, I told you earlier that I didn’t want to come at all. My mother had to force me to come. Actually, that’s not exactly what I said. I just dislike my mother’s nagging every day. , I can’t help but want to confront her. I also want to try with a psychiatrist, but I don’t know if it’s useful."

Ding Qi said earnestly: "Well, I have actually noticed. You come to the so-called psychologist, on the one hand, you want to prove through the doctor that you have no problem, on the other hand, you are also very conflicted and have expectations. .You have been holding this view since your college days, and your mother has been nagging, but it hasn’t affected your work and life too much. Why are you suddenly trying to find a solution now? I’m afraid it’s not just because of age. ?"

Liu Guonan’s shoulders finally flattened, and he said with some worry: "Actually, my mother has been nagging all these years. Although I was a little annoying to listen to, it didn’t matter. After all, it’s my mother. She wants to say Just say a few words. But recently I suddenly feel that I can’t stand it. Sometimes my heart beats so fast and I often suffer from insomnia at night. When I go to a crowded place, people look at me more. I think they’re talking about me, according to Dr. Ding. What you said does affect life..."

Ding Qi’s expression became dignified. The help-seeker was indeed "difficult". He kept a long psychological distance from others, and had strong subconscious defenses. It is only now that he tells the truth. There was no confession in the two consultations. He asked very seriously: "You said that in a crowded place, people looked at you a few more times, and you'feel' that they are talking about you, but do you think they are really talking about you?"

Liu Guonan lowered his head and said: "I know they may not be talking about me, but I think too much, but I can't help but feel this way." He said, he reached out his hand to touch his chest unconsciously. Of a sapphire pendant.

Ding Qi breathed a sigh of relief and leaned forward: "Since you can have such self-awareness, the problem is not too serious, but if you don’t make adjustments and continue to develop, I’m afraid it will lead to more serious problems. You have a good memory. When did this start?...I would like to ask one more question. You have changed different clothes these three times, but you always wear the same necklace. What is the reason?"

This kind of asking two questions in a row, and the second question obviously deviated from the subject. It was a taboo in the consultation process, but Ding Qi was very keen to observe the details and believed that they might be related.

Liu Guonan’s expression was suddenly startled: "Doctor Ding, you are so amazing! I remembered that after I bought this necklace, I felt something was wrong.

I was visiting the mall with three best friends and three university classmates at the time. I saw this necklace at the counter. We all tried, and I tried it last. The three of them liked it very much, but were too expensive to buy it. The salesperson later praised me that I was wearing the most beautiful clothes, so I bought it.

I put on this necklace and went to work, and found that some colleagues always look at me more often, even in crowded places, I always feel a little flustered..."

Ding Qi: "In this case, why do you keep wearing it?"

Liu Guonan was slightly startled: "Why don't I wear it? It took more than eight thousand! What does it have to do with me if others are not talking?"

Ding Qi smiled and said: "But you feel uncomfortable when you wear it. Because of this uncomfortableness, you don't want to take it off, don't you?"

This is a very contradictory mentality, but it does appear in people. Liu Guonan replied hesitantly: "Yes." His expression became a little confused when he spoke.

Ding Qi thought for a while, and then suddenly asked: "Liu Guonan, do you think you are beautiful? Compared to other women around you, do you think you are sufficiently attractive to the opposite sex? ... What if you Trust me, don’t have any worries and answer truthfully. This question may be a little private, but the consultant will keep it strictly confidential for the seeker."

In the third consultation meeting, Ding Qi finally opened up Liu Guonan's inner world and made breakthrough progress. The seemingly abrupt question just now was really crucial. Liu Guonan, with a somewhat aggrieved and confused expression, told a lot when he opened his mouth. Under Ding Qi's continuous guidance, he finally found the source of the problem.

In Ding Qi's "Book of Heart", the situation about Liu Guonan becomes complete and clear——