Beyond the Noisy World: The Long Lost Eight Sects: 009, choice and conflict

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"The family introduced me to two people. They both felt very good and got along well. They all fell in love with me. The first one, he looks very beautiful and has a very good body. It is very sticky to me. Yes, it’s just a little bit squeamish and doesn’t know how to do housework. The second one, he looks good, he is a little jade-shaped, very virtuous, and he cares about me.

I feel very distressed now, I don't know what to do, so I came here to ask for help... Teacher Ding, according to the situation I just introduced, according to your opinion, which one is more suitable? "The speaker is a twenty-six-year-old man named Shen Hang, who is pretty handsome, with his back on the sofa with his right hand on the armrest, his right leg resting on his left leg, and his face smiling when he interrogates.

This is the psychological counseling room. Ding Qi is sitting on the right side of Shen Hang, observing the other's words and reactions. From the point of view of the problem that the help-seeker said, it is a more typical "double avoidance psychological conflict."

People’s actions usually have their own goals, and the goals that people want to achieve are often not one but multiple, and there are often conflicts between these motives.

If there are two equally attractive goals, but you can only choose to achieve one of them, this is called a dual trend conflict. If you want to avoid both targets, but you can only choose to avoid one of them, it is called a double avoidance conflict. If there are multiple goals at the same time, there are pros and cons, and decisions are both pros and cons. This is a double avoidance conflict.

This kind of problem is easy to understand, and most ordinary people will encounter it. Ding Qi understood it when he heard it. But he asked from another angle: "Mr. Shen, you said that you don't know what choice to make, and you feel very distressed. But when you said this, I noticed that you did not react distressed. This It’s a bit contradictory, can you tell me what’s going on?"

Shen Hang was stunned, frowned slightly and said: "Teacher Ding, did you mean that I was lying just now?"

Ding Qi explained: "No, I believe what you are talking about is true. But when you said that you were distressed, I didn't realize that you were really distressed. This is a bit strange. Can you analyze it yourself? "

Of course, psychologists must be good at observation. Sometimes some people conceal or disguise their expressions, making them inconsistent with their true emotional state. In this case, two phenomena can be observed. One is whether there is a contradiction between facial expression and gaze, or whether there is a contradiction between expression and body posture; the second is to observe whether there is an "expression delay".

The so-called expression delay means that the expression response is slower than normal. For example, an open mouth and raised eyebrows express surprise, which usually appears at the same time that something arouses the surprise. If you think about it a little bit, feel that you "should" be surprised, and then react with surprise, you will be a little slower.

This is often a momentary delay, which is not easy to observe, but a well-trained psychologist can detect it.

But the young man in front of him was fine, his expression did not cover up, just a normal reaction, he appeared very cheerful and obviously proud, but he was telling himself that he was very distressed. If you are a patient with schizophrenia, this is an "emotional perversion" disorder. But this young man is obviously not a patient, so there is only another possibility for the answer-he is duplicity.

The counselor must listen attentively, accept and empathize with each other, but it's not just what the seeker says. If you just analyze the self-report of the other party, this is a double avoidance type of psychological conflict, and then resolve the conflict, but in fact the real problem of the seeker is not here, then the consultation will not be effective at all.

Ding Qi sees many dupliers.

Shen Hang turned off the topic for a moment, and said, "Teacher, I came to you for help. Actually, I want you to analyze and analyze for me. Which one to choose? You are a professional, and you must be very discerning. I Trust your vision!"

Ding Qi smiled. The seeker was avoiding the question just now. He didn't intend to force the other party to admit it. Just let the other party realize it. He smiled and replied: "Mr. Shen, I want you to have psychological counseling There are also misunderstandings. We do not solve specific problems in reality for help seekers, and it is impossible to directly make this choice for you."

Shen Hang was a little dissatisfied: "Then what can you do?"

Ding Qi explained patiently: "We can only help you solve your psychological problems. For example, if you feel distress and anxiety, which affects your work and life, we will help you analyze the causes of distress and anxiety and find out And the way to eliminate it. So I hope you tell me, where can I help you?"

Shen Hang shook his left hand and sighed exaggeratedly: "Oh, this kind of problem can really only be solved by yourself, others can't help! I'm worried about this kind of thing, Teacher Ding, you say me Are you sick?"

Ding Qi still smiled and said: "You are not sick. This is a normal emotional response of a normal person. Everyone will encounter problems that upset him and will have inner conflicts, but they are mentally normal."

Ding Qi had already noticed that Shen Hang was not expressing distress, but showing off, trying to prove his excellence and obtain some kind of satisfaction. From the perspective of ordinary people, he might scold such a person as "sick in the brain," but from the perspective of a psychiatrist or psychiatrist, he is indeed not ill.

Shen Hang went on to say to himself: "Actually, I thought about it, and I was talking with two people at the same time... Do you think my mind is unhealthy?"

Ding Qi replied in a measured manner: "Mental health from a professional perspective is two different things from what ordinary people call mental health. The problem to be solved by psychological counseling is only for the mental state. If you have any inner conflict or anxiety , You can tell me truthfully. Rest assured, our talks are confidential."

Psychological counseling is not social conversation, soothing and enlightening, or ideological education. The mental health of ordinary people is not the same as whether there is a psychological problem in the eyes of the consultant. Psychological counselors abide by the principle of value neutrality and do not impose their own values ​​on the seeker, but on the other hand, they must also pay attention to their own guiding stance.

For example, Shen Hang said the idea of ​​two subjects working together. Ding Qi would not directly make comments or comments, nor would he show any support or approval.

The consultant does not solve the practical problems in the life of the help-seeker, and will not provide answers to choice one or choice two, let alone this kind of answer that chooses both. If the help-seeker really made a certain choice, but turned around and claimed that it was a counselor’s suggestion, and the people who were dissatisfied with it came to the door to ask for an explanation, it would be a lot of fun.

Seeing Ding Qi's reaction, Shen Hang said again: "I just made a joke just now, don't take it seriously. If you have any troubles, I'm afraid it is love troubles!"

Ding Qi immediately reminded: "This does not seem to be a question of love yet. From your perspective, it should not have fully entered the stage of love from a psychological perspective. It is just a question of self-centered rational choice."

Shen Hang immediately came to the spirit and owed his body: "Oh, teacher, can you tell me what love is? What is the love stage from a psychological perspective?"

Ding Qi smiled bitterly: "I am not a thinker or writer. I cannot define love, and it is difficult for psychologists to define love. At the end of the last century, academic experts in various fields in the world had a meeting. It is a big discussion about love, and there is no definite conclusion in the end. Although we can't give it a clear definition, the psychological point of view can sum up several characteristics...

From your statement, I have not observed these characteristics, and neither the passionate nor the partner characteristics are obvious. The emotional involvement of mutual attachment, the altruistic motivation to please each other, the high degree of dependence on intimacy, and the three dimensions of psychology about the characteristics of love are not sufficiently manifested in the relationship between you and these two objects.

Maybe your relationship with any one of them has not yet developed to this stage. So you are not a question of love, nor is it a question of choosing love or choosing reality. In fact, it doesn't matter too much. Many people have not gone through this stage and still have established a socially recognized marriage relationship. This is still a matter of personal choice.

So the point we are going to talk about today is not the problem caused by love, but your personal understanding of ‘choice’. "

Shen Hang was a little confused, as if he had vaguely realized something, he leaned forward and said: "Teacher, then according to you, what can be wrong with someone like me?"

At first, he didn't really come to ask for help, nor did he have the kind of psychological conflict he complained about. The purpose at the beginning was just to prove that he was outstanding and to be satisfied from the conspicuous complaints. Even if someone criticizes him for Huaxin, he will also get satisfaction, because this kind of evaluation is not a negative in the true sense for him.

For such help-seekers, if the counselor sees it, they often don’t have expectations of the goal of the consultation, and it’s done by meeting the other party’s requirements. But since the other party was already sitting in front of him, Ding Qi was still very responsible and asked abruptly: "Mr. Shen, where do you eat lunch on weekdays and how do you eat lunch?"

Shen Hang was stunned, and replied a little strangely: "Our company is not big, and there is no staff canteen. Lunch is usually a takeaway meal."

Ding Qi: "How do you order food every day, how long does it take, and generally dissatisfied with lunch?"

Shen Hang didn't know why, but he still replied: "I usually listen to what my colleagues recommend, or ask others what is delicious. As for the satisfaction or dissatisfaction, I can't talk about it, just like that."

Ding Qi changed his words again: "Who should these two objects choose? Have you asked your parents?"

Shen Hang said in a slightly reproachful tone: "Of course I have asked! But they said it is all right, it depends on my own meaning, otherwise I would be so troublesome? I also came to a psychological counselor!" /

Ding Qi finally led the focus. This guy does have some problems, which can be summed up as "choice dependence" or "external blame". Although there is no personality disorder, his personality is also flawed.

Many things in life require choices, and every choice has its pros and cons, and the possibility of mistakes, so the choice is also responsible. Therefore, some people avoid making their own choices, and thus subconsciously feel that they do not have to bear certain responsibilities.

"Choice dependence" and "choice difficulty" have similarities, but there are also differences, mainly in whether you want to take responsibility, whether you want to pursue a sense of unresponsible security or superiority. Blame is not attribution. When the consequences of the choice occur, such people often attribute the favorable side to their own factors and the disadvantageous side to other people's factors.

There are many things that must be chosen, such as the question of whether to eat rice or noodles. If you don’t eat, you have to starve, and if you don’t eat, you have to starve to death. But there are many ways to choose, and relying on others is also a way, which reflects everyone's inner tendencies and behavior habits.

This is not simply a question of independence and whether the character is strong or weak. In fact, such people are often very stubborn and self-conscious.

So Shen Hang's psychology is contradictory. He thinks that he has outstanding conditions and can have multiple choices that are envied by ordinary people at the same time, and he can get satisfaction and self-affirmation from them. But on the other hand, he didn't want to bear the responsibility of choice. So his real inner conflict is not about who is better between the two objects, but about his own problems.

At this stage of consultation, you can negotiate consultation plans and determine specific consultation goals. Ding Qi pointed out the problem of Shen Hang, analyzed it very clearly and carefully, and finally said: "We first determine a small goal and formulate an acceptable plan. From the perspective of self-knowledge, adjust daily behavior and then adjust thinking habits. You start by ordering take-out at noon every day... OK?"

Before pushing the door to leave, Shen Hang suddenly turned around and said: "Mr. Ding, I admire you very much and want to make friends. If you have any questions, please ask you. Can you leave me a contact?"

Ding Qi was gentle but also resolutely refused: "This violates our professional regulations, does not meet the job requirements, and is not good for the psychological counseling itself. If you have a counseling need and it is not convenient to be there in person, you can Make an appointment for telephone consultation or online consultation through the Mental Health Center, but the effect is better to come to the on-site consultation."

The psychological counselor and the help-seeker should not have a real relationship outside the consultation room, otherwise they will deviate from their professional identity. Shen Hang clearly stipulated that there was a reminder before the start of the consultation meeting, but he still put forward this additional request in an attempt to give it a try, and he could also see his psychological habits.

Ding Qi's situation is not rare, and the reasons are different. As for Shen Hang, he obviously also has dependent expectations on Ding Qi, hoping that Ding Qi can take more responsibility for himself outside the consultation room. After spending 600 yuan and conducting a psychological consultation, I wanted to solve the puzzles in life. This is unrealistic and it is impossible for any expert to do it.

This is precisely the mentality that Shen Hang needs to change. Ding Qi has already provided a specific plan, but Shen Hang needs to solve it by himself after returning. And Ding Qi had a feeling that after clearly rejecting Shen Hang's request, no matter how effective the consultation was, Shen Hang would never come to him again.

In fact, after every psychological consultation, Ding Qi will make a judgment, that is, will this help-seeker come back? And this judgment is almost 100% accurate!

When Shen Hang walked out of the mental health center, he raised his head and looked at the sunlight shining diagonally at 5:30 in the afternoon. He felt a little dazzling. After only about an hour of psychological consultation, he felt like a world away. Before walking into the counseling room, he didn't expect it to be such a result.

It was obviously a question of whom to choose between the two subjects, but in the end, I took a homework and returned home. I completed the take-out order at noon every day, and made notes during the process to analyze my feelings and thoughts...

It's time for get off work, but Ding Qi didn't leave. He went to the office upstairs. The consultation room is not an office. He has a desk and a file cabinet for information in the psychiatric department. Ding Qi was sitting at his desk and thinking about doing mental appraisal for Tian Qi. The results came out this afternoon.

In another room in the same building, Professor Liu Feng solemnly signed his name. His handwriting at this time is very neat, written stroke by stroke, each stroke is very focused and not scrawled at all, and the circled signatures on office documents are not the same as usual.

One of the three original appraisers, Ding Qi, the least experienced, was replaced. In fact, according to regulations, two appraisers can also complete the appraisal procedure, but the relevant leaders attached great importance to this case. Liu Feng "decided" to replace Ding Qi on the grounds that his seniority and lack of work experience were the reasons. The appraiser completes the appraisal together.

Then who has the most seniority and authority in this field, of course, is Liu Feng. Even if Liu Feng himself does not want to be admitted, the relevant leaders will let him go. The potential impact of this case may be great. The appraisal must have absolute authority. It is best if Liu Feng, a great expert, presides over it. Minimize criticism.

As Ding Qi had previously expected, the identification itself is not complicated, and the results have come out: the suspect Tian Qi suffered from a delusional mental disorder and had no self-awareness at the time of the case, and was unable to identify and control his own Acts without the capacity for criminal responsibility. In view of its great social harm and has caused serious consequences, compulsory medical treatment should be accepted.

Maybe the last sentence is the key point. Liu Feng not only gave the appraisal conclusion, but also gave the judge a clear opinion. It is not the common "potential social harm", but "extremely harmful to society", nor is it "recommended to accept compulsory medical treatment" in most cases, but directly writes "compulsory medical treatment should be accepted".

The so-called compulsory medical treatment, according to the understanding of most ordinary people, is to be forced into a mental hospital. Within the scope of the appraiser's responsibilities, Liu Feng can only do so much.

The conclusion is very clear. It seems that Tian Qi will escape criminal punishment again this time. Lu Che, who is sitting on Liu Feng’s left side, feels that the air is a bit stuffy and he feels short of breath. It seems that there is something in his heart that makes him very angry. , But there is no way to vent on this occasion.

Lu Che is not an expert from the academy. He graduated from the police academy 30 years ago with a technical secondary school degree and joined the police force. He first worked as a criminal police officer. He studied in-service adult education. He obtained a college degree and a bachelor’s degree. Later, he received public training. He became a forensic doctor 20 years ago. He obtained the qualification of forensic appraisal five years ago. He just completed five years ago. Ten years old.

Lu Che has been a criminal investigator for 30 years. He has been dealing with criminal cases for almost half of his life, solving cases and arresting criminals. He has won awards many times. In his early years, he had a hot temper. He couldn't rub the sand in his eyes, and couldn't tolerate any murderous criminals to escape. Now that he is older, he seems to have a better temper, but he still has a heart of hatred and hatred.

Before the final appraisal result came out, Lu Che even had an inexplicable illusion deep in his heart, hoping that Liu Feng would come to the conclusion that he "has full criminal responsibility". With Liu Feng's identity and professional level, as long as he gives an appraisal result, it is an authoritative conclusion.

But it was just a flash of thought, and Lu Che knew that this could only be an unrealistic delusion. From a professional point of view, this appraisal result is not really questionable, and he himself came to the same conclusion. Seeing that Liu Feng had already signed, Lu Che also signed his name sternly.

Zhong Dafang, another appraisal expert sitting on Liu Feng's right, also signed his name, with no expression on his face. Zhong Dafang is the least existential among the three appraisal experts today. It seems to be just to serve as a foil. If there is no replacement of appraisers, this role should belong to Ding Qi.

Zhong Dafang is in his early forties this year. He was a strong business backbone at the time. He was the deputy director of the Mental Health Center of Jinghu University Affiliated Hospital, and Liu Feng concurrently served as the director. Zhong Dafang graduated from Yuanjinghu Medical College. Liu Feng was his teacher when he was undergraduate, and he was also Ding Qi's senior.

Actually, when Lu Che received vocational training on the job, he also took classes taught by Liu Feng. The main subjects were criminal psychology and psychiatry. In Jinghu City and even in the whole province, many people in the field of psychology and psychiatry have a relationship with Liu Fengneng. This is also an authority in another sense.

Liu Feng is very clear about his identity, as well as the authority and professionalism it represents, especially his responsibilities in such occasions. He could also perceive Lu Che's mood at the moment, and he was very clear about the other party's inner conflict. Even if there is an inner conflict, you must make the right choice, which means taking responsibility. Everyone is the same.