Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 1032: The beginning of the change

In this ordinary world, my life is as simple as in a doomsday illusion. It was as simple as before I came into contact with the toilet talk, as if the time interrupted by the toilet talk continued here. I don't know how long this kind of life will last, and I have always kept in my heart the worry that the abnormality will strike at a certain moment. I learned, observed, listened, and searched as a top student along the path that seemed to be what I should have taken. The normality of this world cannot eliminate the throbbing caused by "Jiang" in my nightmare. The world I have experienced, whether it is reality or illusion, cannot allow me to find a definite benchmark to completely distinguish reality from illusion. Therefore, even in this extremely real and normal world, my true benchmark There is still only one reference, and that is "Jiang".

If "Jiang" does not exist, then this world must be fundamentally different from the doomsday illusion and hospital reality. However, the existence of "Jiang" makes this world not essentially different from them— —This is the easiest way I have found to keep myself logical and clear-headed, even if this kind of worldview inevitably makes me lose the relationship with the "normal" in the eyes of others.

However, one advantage is that because other people cannot observe and recognize the existence of "Jiang", it is difficult to perceive the essential difference between me and them. This makes me look "normal" most of the time. Dr. Ruan Li also feels relieved that my condition has improved, but it inevitably deepens the work of psychological guidance, because, in her eyes, I There are too many records of recurrence.

Of course, in this world, the only person who can recognize my "abnormal" seems to be Dr. Ruan Li.

I silently observe myself and others, reading Dr. Ruan Li’s psychology books, but. Dr. Ruan Li is more opposed to me delving into some of the theories, because she believes that if you understand psychological knowledge and try to apply it to yourself, if you are a normal person, then it is worthy of encouragement, but. If you are a mental patient, that is not necessarily a good thing. "The patient cannot heal himself" is a very common situation in psychology. Although this conclusion is a bit weird, the facts are even more jaw-dropping. In most cases. People with psychological problems, once they delve deeply into psychology and use them to interpret themselves, even if they initially thought of self-medicating with the patient, the result would always “consolidate” their own condition.

"Psychology can summarize the similarities on the psychological level of most people, and it can also help a person to find out what is different from others on the psychological level, and try to explain it. However, the abnormal points found by psychology , But it is not a mistake. The term'error' is very ambiguous and must be strictly defined based on a strict system. The mistakes in people's common sense are concepts strictly defined based on the development needs of the human social system. We To say that a person has made a mistake does not mean that it is wrong in the absolute sense, but is only limited to a strict and narrow range, which is not conducive to one's own growth or the operation of a social system." Dr. Ruan Li Seriously explained to me: "However, psychology is not just social psychology, its tentacles involve all aspects. Moreover, it will give different answers to a person’s mistakes. A person’s abnormalities, it may In some aspects, it reflects the wrong side, but under the analysis of psychology, it will show its non-error in more aspects."

"In other words, once a person with psychological problems has studied psychology and uses psychology to interpret his own problems, he will tend to conclude that his psychological problems are not the problem?" I already understand that Dr. Ruan Li Mean it.

"Yes, here is a case of a cannibal mental patient." Dr. Ruan Li took out a document from the archive on the cabinet and motioned me to look at it, "Cannibalism is a It's extremely wrong and abnormal. You won't deny it?"

I nodded and opened the information.

"However, this kind of error and anomaly contains factors that are not only psychological issues, but also ethical issues, biological issues, etc. It is a comprehensive one and conforms to the strict development of human society. Definition. However, only from the perspective of psychological research, it can be concluded that cannibalism is not a wrong conclusion. The concept defined by its own biology and intelligence. Just because the foundation of this concept is too high, it is actually very fragile, and it is simply vulnerable in pure psychology. Because psychology will strip away everything. The basis of the concepts, so as to facilitate the study of the psychological effects of various factors in the process of forming these concepts." Dr. Ruan Li paused and couldn't help asking: "What I said may be too complicated. Can you understand Achuan?"

I still nodded. Although it is indeed a bit complicated, I still roughly understand the meaning: "What you mean is that human mental activities and concepts are shaped like a pool of muddy sewage. I want to analyze the sewage. In order to understand the nature and formation of these sewage components, the method of separating sewage components will be adopted to purify the sewage, and then these separated components will be used to restore the sewage, and in this process Parse."

"Yes, a very simple research method, isn't it?" Dr. Ruan Li smiled slightly. "But, you also said that sewage may be toxic, but after separating the ingredients, what you get , It’s just water purification and other basic ingredients. That’s how the cannibal guy is. He knows that his actions are not right and violates secular concepts and universal values. At first, he only wanted to treat through psychology. That's why I studied psychology. However, after relying on psychology to split my own psychological analysis, I can only see a piece of purity..." Dr. Ruan Li said here, with a sad look on his face.

"So, he no longer thinks that he is filthy and wrong. Psychology has changed his basic concept of being a part of human society. Instead, it has consolidated his anomaly. He no longer regards his anomaly as an anomaly. In contrast, what was originally normal has become abnormal, or it can’t be said to be normal or abnormal, and there is nothing right or wrong. It is worthless and partial.” Dr. Ruan Li said here deeply. He sighed: "Then, he became a perverted murderer, a cannibal demon, who would never repent until he died. Because psychology made him believe that he was right. Maybe. Psychology is just that. Such a thing is not meant to correct something, but only to magnify something so that people can see it—as for destroying it, transforming it, or recognizing it, it does not depend on the concept cultivated after speaking out. It just lies in the choice of human nature." Dr. Ruan Li said like this.

"I think this view of yours is a bit pessimistic." I still can't say whether her view is correct or wrong, because this is the perception that a psychologist has got in her own field, but it is pessimistic. , But it is my own idea. I also feel that I don't need to conceal it.

"Perhaps. Human beings are too complicated. The more you study psychology, the more you think it is too complicated." Dr. Ruan Li pinched the bridge of his nose, "Things that are too complicated are always unpleasant. Even researchers who like complex and delicate structures will be dazzled by this unimaginable complexity. It has a magical nature, which makes me feel that every time a patient is treated, it seems that there is a self standing on a cliff. It is possible to fall down at any time. However, at the same time, it is so overwhelming that the more serious the case, the more people want to go deep into it and see what's inside."

"But. It's like a bottomless and dark abyss. If you are too involved, you may never get out." I continued with her words, and Dr. Ruan Li looked at me in surprise. "I feel that way too, mother." I replied.

Dr. Ruan Li's expression became extraordinarily rich. Her voice was trembling, but she hadn't pronounced an accurate syllable for a long time. After a while, she controlled her mood.

"A Chuan, you finally called my mother. This is the first time you call me that way in so many years since you became ill." Dr. Ruan Li took off his glasses and wiped the corners of his eyes. "Mom is very happy, you I don’t know how happy mom is."

I can only remain silent. I don’t know what expression to use at this time. When I say the word "mother", there is no resistance or awkwardness in my heart. The reaction was too big, but it made me a little embarrassed.

Doctor Ruan Li seemed to see it, and quickly turned the topic to the right, saying: "In short, don't study psychology too much in the future, and don't use psychology to analyze or treat yourself. That's a third party. What a doctor can do, and as a patient of the client, doing so will only deepen your condition. I am not against you reading these books, but, under the current circumstances, you do not need to use the knowledge in these books for yourself Do anything. We must be more cautious. Before, you were a child, and I didn’t pay attention to remind you. Maybe, even if you remind, you won’t listen. However, A Chuan, you are already smarter and more mature than before. So, I think you have enough self-control. We must be cautious and don’t touch the dangers that may make your condition worse."

"Got it." I replied, facing Dr. Ruan Li's eyes, I did not lie, using psychology will strengthen my defense. This is an obvious result, and I don’t need to strengthen my defense anymore. Because it is stronger than reinforced concrete, the existence of "Jiang" is like a powerful adhesive that continuously deepens the effect.

Doctor Ruan Li nodded in satisfaction.

So I said goodbye, and the day passed. I continued to do my homework, watch TV, and search for information on the Internet. Zhenjiang and the others still have no progress in their intelligence. Even though Dr. Ruan Li has asked her international friends for help, even if there is a description I gave, it seems to be a piece of information. Very difficult thing. It takes a lot of money to hire people. Although Dr. Ruan Li is a psychologist and has a lot of money, I can't let her invest a lot of her money in missing persons notices. Soon, I stopped mentioning things about Mae and the others.

Then, when school was over that day, I met someone who I had never thought I would see again before, but I took him for granted when I saw him here. Of course, it does not mean that I want him to appear, or that I hope that he will never appear in front of me for the rest of my life. His appearance means that the situation has become more complicated. My life, this ordinary world, must be set off. There was a wave, and even turned into a stormy sea. From a certain perspective, his role in my cognition. It is almost the beginning of all changes.

"The Doomsday Agent, Carmen..." I looked at this man with complicated eyes. He was still the same crimson trench coat, wrapped in a two-meter thin body and a red wide-brimmed hat. Hide his face in the shadows. Evil and elegance are perfectly blended in his image, and he stands straight in front of my house. He pressed his hat with one hand, and seemed to have been standing there a long time ago, hugged by loneliness and jealousy. He is very abnormal. When anyone sees him, the first pronoun that comes to mind may not be "he", but "it". Color, posture and shape. They were all filled with an astonishing pressure, as if immersed in a sea of ​​blood in the corpse mountain, even the air became thick and blood-red.

Just like I saw him in the toilet talk, he still holds an hourglass in his hand. Hearing my greeting, he seemed to wake up from long thoughts. An arc split in the shadow under the brim of the hat. He was laughing, with a sense of horror. Two eyes lit up from the shadows, and the outline of the face was less like a person, more like a thick mist melted in the darkness.

Some things started to come to mind. To be precise, I think it is not a memory of my personality, but from other Gaochuan, for example. At this time, another Gaochuan in the doomsday illusion London. Because it was too deep, it floated from a deep place under the impact of the strange person in front of him. These memories, impressions, and concepts made me feel a little stupefied for the time being when I met this doomsday agent. How many times is it? He seemed to understand more things about him.

"Long time no see, Gao Chuan." His voice came, but he didn't have his image and temperament. The impression it makes is so crazy.

"Long time no see, I don't know why I should call you?" I put aside the noise in my mind, and faced the doomsday agent as a long-lost fate. Now, I have deeply understood that he is not just a cool title of professing the agent of the doomsday, but his own actions are indeed a sign of the doomsday. He is not on the side of any forces in the doomsday illusion, because his position has been doomed from the beginning.

An existence that takes "Jiang" as its cause and "Jiang" as its effect. What he represents is a huge and complex will. Whether this will is a "virus" or "Jiang" does not actually need to be investigated, because in my current interpretation, "virus" and "Jiang" are actually One body and two sides, because of the different observation angles, it presents a one-sided image. In this sense, I dislike "virus" and like "Jiang", which is actually the most ridiculous, funny and illogical, but because of my sensibility, I don't intend to change.

So, looking at the agent of the doomsday from another angle, he and I can roughly be regarded as the same party. However, to say that my appearance is, in a sense, the appearance of "Jiang", then the appearance of the Doomsday Agent will naturally not bring any good news.

"The Doomsday Agent, Carmen, or Eruka...I prefer you to call me Carmen." Doomsday Agent Carmen said.

"Then Carmen, why are you here?" I asked what I thought was the most important question.

"Because you are here." Carmen replied profoundly. He looked at my eyes, but I felt that he was looking at the "Jiang" under the abyss through the window of my soul. . The power to open the window of the soul and walk into the depths of consciousness is also ineffective in this ordinary world. However, perhaps psychological hints and hypnosis can be more effective. I have not tried it, because before that, there was no Necessary to do so. I don’t like peeping into the hearts of others or manipulating the consciousness of others. Fighting can do everything, but a normal and ordinary life does not require such extreme means of struggle. I arm myself just to maintain the will to fight.

"So, in other words, what are you asking for?" I asked directly.

"Freedom in the heart." Carmen's voice also became solemn, and his answer was serious.

"Where to seek?" I continued to ask.

"The depths of consciousness." He replied.

"Where is your end point?" I asked again.

"Where Jiang is." He said so.

"...Jiang is not reflected here." I was silent for a while and told him.

"That's because the time hasn't come." Carmen's voice was very cautious.

"What's the timing?" I couldn't help asking.

"Mental integration device." Carmen's face hidden in the shadows evokes a deep arc, and it is obvious that he has a clear mind.

"Mental Integration Device...here?" I was a little surprised.

"You don't know?" Carmen's tone was a little surprised, but soon fell silent, "You just don't want to think like this. The spiritual integration device is not here, but this world is the gateway to the spiritual integration device. Place. It is both a trap and a pathway."

"So, the truth of this world is the trap of the repeater?" I couldn't help but smile. "Isn't this real? I have never felt such a real world."

"I never said that this is not a real world." Carmen's voice rang, "It is not false, nor is it true. It is both false and true. It is in everyone’s heart, relative to It is extremely dangerous and a manifestation of normal peace. If there is a definition, it is probably the most realistic ideal home. Isn’t it hard to imagine? The strongest defense of the Nazi repeater turned out to be such a world, but, Because all anomalies do not exist, in a sense, it is indeed the strongest defense against any anomalous and mysterious intruder. I like to call this the absolute domain."

"This is what I hope, and the world that others want?" I turned around and looked at the cityscape outside the corridor window. The brilliance of the setting sun softened the outline of the concrete and steel buildings, as if , Bathed in the warmth of being blessed by God, "I like this world, but this world does not welcome our existence."

"Yes, so we have only one choice." Carmen said. My intuition began to show strange reactions. It was the intuition when the abnormality appeared. I suddenly turned my head and saw only the hourglass in Carmen's hand. When the sand begins to fall, it is like a signal, and it is a signal that has already sounded, full of ignorance, no explanation is needed, and it can also make the gazer subconsciously perceive that something has begun to change.

Without a word, I took out the dagger hidden in my schoolbag and stabbed it. I want to prevent this world from changing. This is an already firm idea. It should not go to the end, because its existence is like the last harbor in the soul. Carmen also said before that this world is the embodiment of the beautiful visions of the people who make up the entire doomsday illusion, and it is a realistic ideal home. I love this world, even if I have not been able to integrate into it.

Even if this is not real, but just a dream~IndoMTL.com~ it doesn’t matter, I don’t want it to become a nightmare, it’s very real.

Therefore, we must stop, even if the cause of the change is in action, the existence of the same path as me is terrifying and powerful, and it shouldn't be an enemy's existence. I don't have extraordinary power anymore. I'm just an ordinary person. In theory, the same is true for Carmen in front of me, but the hourglass in his hand is likely to break this conclusion.

My actions are full of dangers, I understand, but I will never give up what I should do!

I swung the dagger. Although I didn't have the magic line super power, my physical fitness also dropped drastically, but the factor of fighting has already recovered in these days of training. My footsteps are light, and my balance has reached the best state at present, like a sharp blade drawn by an arc, clinging to Carmen’s neck, and while he is leaning back, I turn halfway to his hand holding the hourglass. .

As I was about to cut Carmen's wrist, his body suddenly rushed into my arms, staggering the blades of the dagger, and pressing his free palm against my jaw. A huge force hit my teeth directly, and I only felt my brain stunned, and the whole person jumped into the air, hitting hard against the hard wall, and only felt that my spine began to numb. (To be continued. If you like this work, you are welcome to come to the starting point () to vote recommended votes, monthly tickets, your support is my biggest motivation. Mobile users please go to read.)