Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 1277: Good morning

I feel that I can really adjust my "environment" and "state" based on my "own observations". It is a very incredible thing. In the eyes of ordinary people, the environment and state are objective. , And one's own observation is subjective, and the objective will not be shaken by subjectiveness, it is a universal cognition. However, both in mysticism and advanced physics, there are behaviors that raise the level of "self-observation". The general scientific approach is to re-use the subjective initiative of "self-observation" to re-use the perspective of a third party and define it as one Kind of "interactive objectiveness." This is a very complicated theory, and I can't fully understand it. If I study it in depth, there will be a feeling of "the occult is more concise and clear".

Occultism, science, philosophy, psychology—many contents of these studies will appear contradictory to each other, but in some details, people feel a deep core entanglement. When I make associations because of their similarities and differences time and time again, I always feel that I am lacking in my brain, exhausted, and becoming less and less aware of the relationship between myself and the world, and the concepts that I think I have. What is right and what is wrong. In my cognition, the definition of the same thing, in this adventure filled with my life and full of suspense and incomprehension, is constantly being subverted and scrutinized. I feel at a loss when I move forward. Therefore, I have to take a step back. , Seek your own relief.

Thinking is fun, but it's also scary.

I tried my best to think, becoming more aware of my stupidity and stubbornness, but there is always a thought that haunts me like a ghost. If I shouldn’t be like this, then, what should I be? Usually, people often say that learning and thinking make people mature. People know, but in my personal experience, learning and thinking are a very heavy burden and responsibility. It does not make me feel mature, nor does it make me feel that I know a lot. On the contrary, in this process, I always feel that when facing an "absolutely unsolved question", I must give in.

Just as, I don't know when I started, although I was thinking about the "virus" and "Jiang" issues, but I actually don't care what they are or what they look like. What's the relationship, what kind of secret is there? In fact, to me, what the **** are they, perhaps it is no longer the core of the problem-the "virus" needs to be contained, and the "Jiang" must stay. This is no doubt, and what the **** are they No relationship.

Neither do I. What's wrong with thinking this way, what's wrong with it. I am in pain. It's very depressing, so I'm looking for reasons why I must bear all of this. For example, in this process, it's not without joy, and I must also endure these depression and pain. To protect some people. And these people have no other support besides me.

If, one day, the facts are placed in front of me, and it tells me "Actually, there is no need to bear it. No one needs your salvation." Then, what will I do? I have thought about it, but the answer is surprising. It is not the dramatic "self-collapse", but I will probably answer "Ah, this is also good."

Yes, if I am wrong, my efforts are in vain, my pain and depression are only caused by my mental illness and ignorance, then I will never resent myself, nor will I complain about it. All stupid and asking for trouble. I will sincerely bless people and tell them that there is no "doomsday" at all, and no one is sick. They are not patients with doomsday syndrome, even if they think so.

However, so far, everything I have seen, everything I have experienced, is telling me: the end of the world has come, and I must act. And this is the source of the depression and pain that made me feel, and it was definitely not "Jiang" in my body, it was not recognized by anyone other than me, or it was the "virus" that caused everything. And I cannot eliminate it.

If I do not act, the world will not be destroyed, and the people I love will not be unhappy because of this, then I will be very happy. Even so, the existence of "Jiang" is still the most unique existence among the people I love.

……

I started to realize that I was writing a diary again, and my thinking started to be confused again. I have a lot to say, I want to sigh. I tried to filter my muddy thoughts and emotions from the records and texts. However, when the records started, I seemed to have forgotten myself. This phenomenon was gradually noticed after Dr. Ruan Li reminded him-what I wrote is far more than what I thought I wrote.

I rubbed my eyes, and the screen of the phone started to flicker again. The message was Hakkei and Sakiya, and I didn't seem to reply to them for a while. I remembered that not long ago—I checked the time, about half an hour ago—I asked them about Zuo Chuan.

Being separated from Zuo Chuan in Nightmare Las Vegas made me a little worried.

However, during the inquiry, I didn't know why, so I started to write a diary. I don't even remember when I turned on the lamp.

The situation on Zuochuan's side is pretty good. She has woken up from the nightmare. Hakkei and Sakiya sent me pictures of her wearing pajamas. At this time, the three of them are getting together and are planning to do something interesting. matter. The existence of the whisperer, for the city, for us, although there is an important meaning, but in normal times, it does not have enough busy business. Through mysterious means, we are no longer short of money. We have completed the monitoring of the entire city, but there is no need to record and analyze from time to time. Hakkei and Sakiya are only high school girls. For them, the whisperer’s job is just a "sometimes busy, but most of the time is fun after-school activities". When I see their full and energetic smiles, I think this is also good.

I feel more and more now that the original intention of establishing the Whisperer is actually just a reason to forcefully add to persuade myself. When we people get together, we need a name and a meaning to make it all logical. And when it is logical, the original reason is no longer important.

Their reply calmed my mind again. In the soft halo of the lamp, I stared into the darkness in the corner and listened to my heartbeat. It seems that "Jiang" is also here, but at the same time, I understand that it is not "here" in the complete sense. We are closely connected, but it seems that we need to cross a long distance. Will catch each other by accident.

Even so, when I know, when I believe that it exists and is not false, I feel a little scared, but I feel very relieved. It seems that this fear has become a reason for peace of mind.

No matter how I assume "the end of the world does not exist". "The end of the world" does exist. This is the only situation I can confirm after experiencing an adventure full of questions. It is more real than the question of "Which world is the real world, and whether there are other realities that I don't know". In the face of this reality, no matter how many ideas I have, how many choices are there actually?

What I think. See, these things that must be done. In the eyes of ordinary people, it must be ridiculous, but even so, I still have a reason to go.

I have to ask all the "Gaochuan" who appeared before and after me-but I don't want to answer, even this question only exists in my own heart: you really know. What are you facing and what are you going to deal with?

I know.

I am dealing with an invisible ghost.

It is not an exact entity, but just a concept.

When the ghost of this concept stands in front of us in a "fait accompli, undeniable" way. There is only one thing we can do: deny its existence. In addition, what power is there to make "a concept" non-existent? As for whether we can deny it, whether we can really make it disappear—this question, I think, has no meaning to answer it. Because, if we can't do it, we have no other way, and we will suffer, despair and perish under it.

Yes, "Gao Chuan", when I wrote this sentence, I was very serious. After helpless thinking, I saw more situations, some of which you didn’t notice. Or it was everything that I couldn't notice at all that made me think like this. Although it is a crazy idea in my own opinion, I have already decided, and in the past, all you have seen and felt, and all the plans you made will become part of this plan. .

If I succeed, then any "I" efforts-no matter what the position and vision are wrong, how much cognitive bias there is-will not be in vain.

I must also thank all of them who have worked hard to make many plans for the "Gaochuan" at this moment and the "Gaochuan" at every moment in the past. Because I grew up because I met them.

If I fail, please don't miss it, let alone worry. Because, that will not have any impact on what is happening. In other words, only when everything that is happening is reversed because of my actions, that is the proof of my success. Success and failure are just the boundary between "what happened" and "nothing happened".

Can you understand? It may be a little esoteric, but what I can think of, what I can understand, and what I can describe has already been written.

Simply sentence: a theoretically achievable comprehensive observation behavior, which can be regarded as an objective basis for leveraging, and stop it by denying a "concept" that is happening NS?

Because I met "Jiang", I think this is possible.

p.s: I think it is time to stop discussing the topic of what "virus" and "Jiang" are, and what is the truth and what is the truth. Although it is still an unsolved mystery to this day, it is okay to treat it as an "unsolved mystery" without solving it, and not to solve it as the reason, focus, and end of action. Perhaps it would be better to do so.

Ps: Now I can’t objectively describe my state, and I can’t believe that others can objectively describe my situation. I am probably hopeless, so the choice left to me is actually no longer too much. What I need is not psychotherapy, but a cup of coffee. However, I am still grateful to Dr. Ruan Li for all the efforts she has made for me, and the attempts she will continue to do with me. I will cooperate well.

I stopped writing and thought: Dr. Ruan Li will definitely see these.

And I didn’t write these to hide my thoughts. It wasn't just for Dr. Ruan Li to see, or anyone else, to write these things down.

When I close the diary. The time is approaching four o'clock in the morning, and the darkness outside the window always seemed to hide something frightening in the past, but now when I look at it, it seems to have been washed and become transparent. It's like stacking several layers of cloth, but there is still a sense of penetration. This kind of transparent and clean darkness, like pure water, horrible things like bacteria, also cannot exist in it. I gently lay on the back of my chair, thinking about the nightmare Las Vegas, the repeater, the doomsday and the hospital reality. I remembered a lot of what I should do at the time. But because of many reasons, things that have not been completed, but the incredible thing is that they are no longer annoyed and regrettable, even if it just happened in the nightmare Las Vegas, in the eyes of others, it seems to be an omen. , And a very important thing. It also became dull.

I closed my eyes, thinking about nothing. Something is faintly jumping. It's not a hearing voice, nor a specific text, but just a feeling—a lullaby-like feeling.

It was sung to me by Zuo Jiang, a very long and charming song about golden apples.

I followed the feeling and groaned softly:

"The first word is dream.

From a deep sleep,

Bring out my inner secrets quietly.

The second word is wind,

Let me swing my wings and fly to the arms of God,

Counting the sad past that has passed away,

Golden apples. Another one fell..."

Everything seems to be back to that day, for the time being, let me have a dream of memories.

……

The next day, it was not too late when I woke up. Although I fell asleep very late, I didn't have nightmares anymore. Although I had no memory, the emotions of the night had been filtered, leaving only a little trace. However, it should have been a beautiful dream. I feel light and full of energy, without a trace of fatigue. I can continue fighting again, thinking that, I got up and got out of bed and checked the desk. The diary on the table, of course, disappeared. I am not surprised, probably Dr. Ruan Li has already come in. During this period, in order to monitor my condition at any time, she monitored my diary and diary writing more closely than in the past.

I have a lot of worries, and Dr. Ruan Li is the same. My worries were born with the end of the world, and the same is true for Dr. Ruan Li. She has a good reason for all these seemingly intrusive things to me, and it is the same when I do those things. Therefore, she and I are like a mother and child.

Just as she never blamed me in this way, I won't blame her.

I rinsed silently, changed my jacket, and put the pen in the inner pocket. There was also a pack of Camel cigarettes on the table. The packaging had been torn open and one was taken away. I think it was also made by Dr. Ruan Li, because this pack of cigarettes was originally hidden inside the drawer. I picked up the cigarette, opened the door and went out.

The villa has become lively inside and outside, but the soundproofing of the room is very good, so staying in the room has never been felt. When the door was just opened, he saw a male expert who lived in the same villa was also opening the door and walking out. He saw me, he was taken aback for a moment, and then nodded with a gentle smile. On the other side, his companions were just walking. Come over quickly.

"Gao Chuan?" One of them called my name in a weird tone.

"Yes, what's the matter?" I asked.

"No, it's nothing." The man changed the subject with a look of "just wanting to call his name" and a bit embarrassed, "There is a dinner party outside, and we are about to call you over." That said. , But it looks like a violation of one's intentions. I think he is covering up. In fact, he is just looking at celebrities, and by the way, he calls the other person's name in person—the question is, am I so famous?

"Ah, don't you know? During the morning meeting, the seminar had already announced the patients of this routine diagnosis." This expert seemed to lack emotional intelligence, regardless of his peers winking, and straightforwardly dealt with me. Said: "You are on the list. Moreover, your identity makes you special among those patients. In fact, many people have only heard about you from Ms. Ruan, but have never seen you. Real people."

"Many people?" I questioned: "Are you so many people familiar with Dr. Ruan Li?"

"Ah, no, I mean—" The expert paused and added: "Many of Ms. Ruan’s papers are written using you as an example. Just pay attention, in the conclusion of the paper, Your name will always appear in the list of facilitators. When speaking, you are often mentioned. Because Ms. Ruan has a good reputation in the industry, so, you who are frequently mentioned by her are also concerned, right? You are so...a special patient, I think, without you, Ms. Ruan would not have achieved so many results."

I stopped, stared into his eyes, and said very seriously: "Maybe studying me is an important reason for my mother’s success, but if you think this is the only reason, then please forgive me, I I hate you."

"Ah—" The expert didn't know if it was a pretense, with a look of astonishment, and was immediately pulled by his companions, and even said a few words of sorry, and left in a hurry.

The sound of footsteps came in my ears, I turned my head and saw the lady fortuneteller approaching. She also glanced at the few people who had left, and said to me: "Don't mind, Ms. Ruan's reputation is based on her technical and theoretical achievements, but there are also many people who feel that luck is more proportional." /

"No, I don’t care about my mother’s success, whether it is due to luck or my existence. In fact, if it were the latter, I would be happier. However, this does not prevent me from standing up. I hate a man." I replied.

"Yes, you are on Ms. Ruan's side, I know." The fortuneteller smiled and rubbed my hair vigorously. "I'm going to call you up, since you can get up by yourself, Just go out, everyone has already started to eat."

"This is breakfast?" I asked.

"Of course." The fortuneteller said: "What?"

"I heard that you had an early meeting? Before breakfast?" I said.

"Yes, the dinner party started after the meeting. The meeting started at half past seven. Many people were totally unconscious because they played too much last night." The fortuneteller said: "In fact, there is nothing important. The organizer once again stated the activity process of this seminar and the matters that must be paid attention to. In addition to visiting the nearby mental hospital and receiving guidance on some new treatment methods, everyone must also carry out In the end, everyone can try to make a diagnosis report for the patients in the routine diagnosis, and submit it to the organizer for scoring, just like an exam. Those who pass may be invited by the seminar to participate in an ongoing Research-in other words ~IndoMTL.com~ because many of the people who came to the seminar this time are "wild" experts and do not have internationally recognized qualifications and certifications, so I also hope that Through this opportunity, I officially stepped into this field. It’s no secret. I think those who have encountered those things on the road and decided to continue to participate in the seminar probably know the general situation."

"Don't you think it's weird? Why don't you have experts with formal qualifications and qualifications for seminar research, but instead use you who are more like hobbyists." I couldn't help asking.

"This question... is very troublesome." The fortune-teller was stunned. She didn't seem to have thought that I would ask this matter, but she seemed to know the answer, but she didn't want to explain it to me, just This implies: "Not all research links require formal education. On the contrary, if they are all such people, it is easy to reduce efficiency and even make mistakes in some links. Because people who receive unified education are thinking And habitually, it’s like being molded in a mold—maybe very precise, replaceable, mature, and able to work well, but research is not a mechanical task. Although efficiency and precision are important, it’s more important. Inspiring and groundbreaking, it requires greater fault tolerance and richer possibilities." (To be continued...)

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