Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 2017: Drunk

I'm falling, no matter how desperately I go upstream, I'm still falling. I want to run, but at this time I can't feel myself running anyway. The fatal ups and downs, the rhythmic ridicule grunts, are telling me a situation that is too sharp. I am being bruised and torn by this sharp thorn that only I can realize.

Even so, I'm still struggling desperately, desperately upstream, desperately calling out, calling out in the darkness of this empty space, which seems to have everything but nothing.

I am here! I am here! I'm not dead yet!

I—don’t want to end here. My plan, my dream, my life...can't just leave it halfway.

If this were the case, when I was running, when I was about to do something, everything was interrupted, then... wouldn't it be ridiculous?

It doesn’t matter who it is, who will be my hero?

I yelled, only a grunting voice.

Suddenly, a touch came from my shoulder, then my chest, behind me, it was like an invisible person hugging me. That warm and strong touch suddenly illuminates this dark and deep, terrifying sea.

"I'm right here, Achuan. As I said, I've always been by your side, always by your side." The sound that makes people seem unconsciously drowning in to break the silence in the dark, Into my ears.

The next moment, the terrible landscape of "sinking into the sea" collapsed like an illusion. Before my eyes, there was still the mechanical, pale, complicated and vast landscape of the ruling bureau, and it was still full of destruction. , Destruction, sorrow, and painful war. And I, unknowingly, had escaped from the quick sweep and stopped. An unspeakable sense of exhaustion spread from my brain to my limbs. I felt that my body was weak, and I was held and supported by Fu Jiang, so I didn't fall.

At what absolute point in time did the illusion start? Was my idea when I was running that turned into an opportunity? Then what is the "tentacles" that grabbed me from the abyss of thinking? What does the suffocating world like the sea represent? These questions keep popping up in my heart, they are like the devil, haunting me from the past to the present. I don’t want to think about the answers to these questions. Even, if I can choose, I don’t even want to generate these thoughts today—however, they have always popped up in my mind regardless of what they were doing, making me feel pain.

Thinking is really painful.

The harm caused by thinking will always remain in people's hearts, even if they encounter more later, when they are enough to tell oneself that they can be dismissive of these harms or pass by with a smile. In the silent night when you don't want to think about anything, in the occasional opportunity of glancing in the ordinary life, this scar will suddenly jump out, making you wonder if you are having a dream. The more you think about it, the deeper this scar will become. In front of this deep scar, all forgetting is a lie.

People, after all, will think of the pain that was once forgotten by themselves from the fragments of their lives, and will have a nightmare that they have long forgotten in a trance.

"I can't breathe, I can't breathe." I never thought that this sudden nightmare-like hallucination would make myself so embarrassed. I have experienced such hallucinations in the past, but, in terms of perception, both depth and intensity are completely different levels. It's like when I didn't even notice, suddenly became sensitive to this kind of injury.

It came too suddenly. When I was swiftly sweeping, I never thought that it would come into my mind in such a strong way.

If it weren't for Fu Jiang's embrace, maybe the "me" here would really disintegrate. And this kind of injury, is it because I am "Gao Chuan", a patient with doomsday syndrome, and the deterioration of the condition inevitably caused? Or is it because I shouldn't have appeared at all according to normal logic, so this "violating" self was punished? I can't figure it out at all now. It's not that I don't want to figure it out, but that I simply don't have the ability.

"It’s okay, it’s okay, Achuan...don’t be afraid...it’s okay." Fu Jiang’s voice came up to my ear, and for a while it seemed as if he was far away in the sky, and for a while it seemed to be close at hand. I thought hearing her voice was also an illusion of my own, "I am here, I have always been by your side, Achuan."

I panted hard, and the suffocation gradually weakened in Fu Jiang’s voice. I felt like a drowning person. I almost became a puddle of water, but, just like Fu Jiang said In that way, the terrible illusion has passed.

"Do you want to stop?" Fu Jiang asked. Her hug was as powerful as her voice, making me feel that I couldn't say anything to stop.

No, I myself don't want to stop here. I still remember my extremely strong desire when I was suffocating in that hallucination. In this world, no one can save me, no one can be my hero, so I have to save other people and end this terrible reincarnation. Fu Jiang pulled me out of the illusion, but she couldn’t be my hero, because...because...

Why? Fu Jiang and other "Jiangs" have given me so much help, but I have never felt that they are my heroes. I just love her. I know very well that my passionate love is completely different from the longing and love for heroes. Is it because, in fact, I also have to admit the relationship between "Jiang" and "virus"? It is because I actually understand that even if "Jiang" and "virus" are distinguished by definition, I cannot deny from the fact that it is still the culprit that caused me and everyone to encounter these irreversible pains? ?

Yes, I think so. Just like a multi-personality mental patient who killed someone because of his brutal personality, would the victim ignore the subject and only pursue the culpability of the brutal personality? Although in many countries, laws are used to distinguish between the crimes of mental patients and those of normal people, can this rational division comfort the sensibility of the victims?

Absolutely not.

No one can judge the "virus", because people can't even catch the tail of the "virus", but whether the culprit can be tried and punished is not directly related to how to treat the culprit-"Jiang" and The “virus” relationship is precisely the reason why you cannot get rid of sin. From a rational point of view, it is also necessary for the two to continue to maintain such a relationship in order to make all the current plans-no matter it is mine or peach Le Si and the others-have the possibility of success.

I cannot treat Fu Jiang as a hero, perhaps because, as a personality embodiment of "Jiang", Fu Jiang's existence cannot break the relationship with the "virus" anyway, and this kind of relationship is also me. The key to advancing my own plan, therefore, I cannot completely cut Fu Jiang and even other "Jiang" from the "virus" in my own heart, and recognize it as an independent existence.

In my love for Fu Jiang, there is an undoubted enthusiasm, but there is also an undeniable sense of guilt. I can even feel sadness and pain from this passionate love-not only for me to Fujiang, but also for other people.

I think, in this world, there are no more complex emotions than the emotion I feel—if there are, those people are already dead.

Even so, I must come to the end. This is the path I chose, the love I chose, the relatives I chose, the life of my own choice, the battle of my own choice, since I did not choose to commit suicide, then, no matter how much torture, I must go to myself. Can't walk. I told myself this, my limbs still haven't recovered all the strength, but in this weak self-examination, in this painful, sad and complicated momentary thought, I can't help but want to laugh.

I don’t understand why I should laugh.

Perhaps I really laughed, my head is so confused, there is no direct feeling.

"Well, you laughed." Tomoe said that, she seemed to hear the voice in my heart, but it might just be that I didn't notice that I was already talking to myself nervously?

"Well, you are talking to yourself, A Chuan." Fu Jiang's embrace became tighter and warmer, and I felt that my soul was about to melt in her embrace.

It wasn't until this time that I heard my own voice and heard myself say: "LKE...sha...whoop...whoop...JAMG...#￥%%&￥#@#￥%... &+" What a terrible sound this is, even I heard it myself, I couldn’t believe that it was a sound I could make—it is impossible to make such a sound either from the physical structure or from the consciousness— However, I did hear it.

There is a pronunciation similar to "Jiang" in my voice, but I am not sure if it refers specifically to "Jiang" as I know it. I don't even understand what I am talking about. This voice should have content, but it is full of messy and fragmented feelings. The more I regurgitated myself when I was reminded by Fu Jiang, the more I suddenly heard my own voice, the more an unusual fear burrowed into my brain, gnawing on the already scattered reason.

I’m trembling, even if Fu Jiang’s hug is so tight, I can clearly feel that her chest is so plump, and her body is so soft and warm, but it’s full of human nature and can’t be let I stopped shaking. I have this feeling more clearly than ever: it's getting closer, it's getting closer.

What exactly is it? I can’t answer. I only think that the closest thing to this meaning is “virus”. However, in terms of the feeling of words, it is unpredictable. By default, the “virus” that is the subject of all causes is like just a “fragment” of it. . "Virus" is called a virus precisely because it is more like a pure instinct operation. The result is complicated because of chain reaction. However, the operation mechanism of any "virus" itself is simple and simple. Powerful——Because of simplicity, it has terrible power, and therefore it can make people feel that there is a hole to be drilled.

But what if "virus" is not just such a simple virus? No, from the symptoms of doomsday syndrome, we can be sure that the "virus" is definitely not simple. All researchers, including me, may still think that the culprit of patients with doomsday syndrome is too simple, or that the culprit is too unimaginable. Therefore, in the end, only the "virus" is the most in line with our own common sense. Don’t use it to completely replace those very familiar parts.

It’s not that we are unaware of this. It’s just that "virus" alone is already tricky enough. If "virus" is not just a virus, but something above it, then all the will to defend against It will all fall apart-the protection mechanism of human beings may have started to work since we tried to explore the "virus". This mechanism prevents us from cognizing it as a "virus" so that we can continue to study instead of It collapsed immediately.

However, such protection is still one-sided and fragile in the face of that terrible existence. I feel that it is getting closer and closer, approaching the earth from a non-physical, non-material perspective. Because of its proximity, its influence is constantly magnifying.

Furthermore, I think the other me, the impersonated Gao Chuan must have felt it, and felt the same as me at this time. Maybe even nightmares and hallucinations will show inexplicable continuity.

"There is no time, Ajiang, we have no time." I tried my best to get myself out of the embrace that seemed to melt when I indulged in ~ IndoMTL.com~ Grabbing Fu Jiang by the shoulders, with a kind of confirmation In the mood, said to her: "It's coming, isn't it?"

"It? What is it?" Fu Jiang just had a look of doubts that didn't seem to be fake, and then smiled, "You are too nervous, A Chuan, there will be nothing coming, all that should be, They’re already here. They didn’t come over, and they didn’t leave."

Is my feeling wrong? Is my limitation as a human being misunderstood? Is it because my condition has worsened that I have such an illusion that is so profound that even the intuition of a mystery expert can no longer be trusted?

"I've been talking about it all the time, don't be afraid, I'm always by your side, always there, why A Chuan always can't remember? Why is A Chuan unable to understand?" Fu Jiang showed a slightly troubled expression, but Immediately afterwards, the trouble disappeared like snow, "However, it doesn't matter, because I have always been by Achuan's side."

She said that I couldn't understand it. I originally wanted to refute it. The sentence "Always be by your side" is so clear and clear that there is no possibility of misunderstanding at all. Even if the meaning is extended, the most basic meaning is still concise. However, just when I was about to refute, I suddenly couldn't say anything. The meanings that I understand are all the meanings of Fu Jiang's words? I actually can't be sure.