Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 2075: Illusory Dreamland
Through the light, the universe is under your feet—Doctor Ender looked around in amazement, and the deep starry sky stretched far into the distance in his eyes. Planets, stars, moons, meteors, supernovae, white dwarfs, giant red stars... the stars he knows are dotted in the darkness like sesame seeds, and the light and heat released by him is swallowed by the deep background before reaching his side. , He also saw black holes eroding galaxies, saw the huge cantilever like the Milky Way slowly turning, and those extragalactic star clusters that couldn't tell what galaxies they were were as big as plates.
Yes, although it is an infinitely extending universe, everything here seems to be in miniature. In comparison, Dr. Ender is like a giant spanning many galaxies. He subconsciously held his breath, but he can actually breathe. In his sense, this universe is not a vacuum. The necessary substances for his survival are everywhere here, just like breathing air in a normal environment. . Even so, he was still shocked to the point that he couldn't breathe.
Doctor Ande didn’t understand why he saw such a sight. His cognition of himself last second was still in the tower, in that thick darkness, even though that darkness was also strange, and at the same time, the scene in the tower he had recognized was also similar to him. The scene in the tower I have seen in the past is completely different. He is thinking, judging and acting more based on his own feelings than logic. But no matter what, the abnormal experiences before seeing this universe make people feel more real.
Dr. Ande stared at the universe, feeling the trembling of his nerves, his imagination was freezing, and the thoughts that had been mixed in his brain were like being grabbed by an invisible hand and thrown here. In the boundless universe, he knew his insignificance—even if his body spanned dozens of stars, each star was as tiny as a sesame in comparison with himself, but he was facing infinity. In front of the starry sky, it was also insignificant.
My own hugeness and my own smallness, contradictory and identical, gave him an indescribable shock. Dr. Ender almost forgot what he originally wanted to do. He couldn't think about it. He gradually felt a moment of ease, as if it continued to melt in this universe-a melting on a higher level than the sensory state-just Is the right choice.
In this weird and wonderful experience, full of contradictions but also indescribable, he suddenly realized something. He can’t say clearly what he is aware of. It is not seeing, not cognizing with the five senses. It seems that from a perspective beyond human senses, he can perceive something faint—that is expanding infinitely. Embellished by countless bright spots, but swallowed up the light, even a black hole can contain a dark background, there is a certain kind of shadow wriggling with a different color and texture. Although it is indescribable, if he insists on describing it with his own lifetime knowledge, it would be as if such a thin, almost transparent film has been lifted in the background of the universe. After that, Dr. Ender saw what, but he could not explain at all, nor could he describe at all, what he saw, or when he regained consciousness, he just felt that he saw what, and he was determined and enthusiastic. He insisted on what he saw, and this determination and enthusiasm was so unprovoked and illogical, even he himself was surprised.
Even so, Dr. Ender couldn’t explain to himself, in that unknowingly how long the time he looked at the universe, from beginning to end, he was sure that he had changed, and he was He was still alive, and there was a heartfelt swelling joy. For a long time, he fell into a kind of silence that was difficult to think, but seemed to think too much, as if in such a quiet time, he could taste the joy of being alive.
Even when he is awake, Dr. Ander can’t incorporate the observation and thinking of “what kind of environment he is in” into his own cognition. He can’t think about it, he can’t think about it when he sees it, or think about it. According to Fa, it is as if there is an invisible and terrifying force that is gnawing at non-material structures such as his consciousness, thought, spirit, or soul, and will eventually pierce through everything, leaving only a material empty shell.
During this process, even if he felt fear and despair, he couldn’t tell--
Dr. Ande struggling to open his eyes suddenly, he saw that he was sitting at the table, holding a pen on the "Gaochuan" heritage notes, and writing a story with himself as the main point of view-this is his own Walking in the dark, entering the mysterious miniature universe, and in the wonderful experience, the whole person’s consciousness and will are completely disintegrated by the terrible indescribable existence-just because it is written in the notes, it can be recognized All these are not "facts." However, even if he is puzzled as to why he wrote such content, when he began to write, there is still a fragment of memory, but this wonderful story is for him. , Just like writing it down after experiencing it.
Dr. Ande, from his own experience, once again deeply felt the situation when "Gao Chuan" wrote down notes, or in other words, there is an incomparably deep feeling of empathy: the personal experience he recognizes is modified When I write it down, I am clearly not the person in the book, but wandering like a ghost in this self-written story. The character in the book with the same name is neither completely himself, but still himself. It was a shadow, a wandering of consciousness, a real illusion, and there were real things in the illusion, and it was a nightmare.
But why?
Why didn’t I walk towards the light in the dark, but still sitting in the dark, writing at the table with the light? In a certain period of memory, the cognition of the self-state was terribly confused. Even if Dr. Ender himself possessed a wealth of theoretical knowledge, he could not only rely on this knowledge to give a completely convincing explanation.
Now, he has a deep heartfelt fear of actions such as "stop pen, close the notes, stand up and go to the dark depths", he can't help thinking, if he really is like this If you do it, you will become like the story you wrote, and you will fall into an incomprehensible state. He doesn’t know what other people think when encountering a similar situation, but it’s not death, it’s only for himself. In terms of it, it is more terrifying than death.
Doctor Ande can’t accept that he will end up as the "Doctor Ande" in the story. Relatively speaking, although he still doesn’t know why he stays in this darkness, he "sit at the table and write the story." Such an act is a behavior he feels understandable and acceptable, because everyone can pick up a pen to write something. As long as he knows the characters, he can write a bad poem or a crappy novel. It’s okay, maybe the content is horrible. , But such behavior is a very normal behavior for human beings.
"Get out of the darkness, walk into the universe, and dissolve in the universe"... If this is just a plot in a story written by myself, it is acceptable, even though it looks like a third-rate plot. Yes, no matter how crappy, or how weird, weird, and inconceivable, or even incomprehensible, as long as it is just a story written by myself, it is just using "weird", "wonderful", "unbelievable" and "unintelligible". To describe it with similar vocabulary, it is completely acceptable. On the contrary, to truly experience the deep meaning contained in these words, even beyond the meaning of these words... it is really unimaginable.
Dr. Ande trembled all over. He found that he could no longer stop writing and got up from this chair. An instinctive resistance and deep fear are restricting his actions, only allowing his brain to work, even To work in a more active state than in the past. He can only imagine, think, and record, but cannot do more practice. When he intends to do so, even if there is a little behavior related to this intention, it is too deep to explain. The fear that comes from the heart will suffocate his soul as if it was drowned.
Dr. Ande tremblingly picked up the pen, unable to think more, but in a transcendent experience, in Gao Chuan’s notes, he portrayed a new perspective, continuing what "Gao Chuan" has not yet completed, at the end of the day A big adventure in a fantasy world. He feels that what he said and wrote will become a terrible influence, which will have an immeasurable impact on today's isolated island hospital. This is bad, incorrect, and extremely dangerous behavior. He shouldn't do it, but he can't stop him from doing it.
He heard the dreamy singing again, that dreamlike theater, the ghost is groaning, and he is also a member of the ghost, and he is also chanting while writing. It is a tribute to some kind of greatness, it is a fabrication of evil, it is a person who uses words and sentences that he can understand to describe meanings that he cannot understand. It is marvelous and malicious. But it is more "meaningless". Human sensory experience, the various thinking and moral concepts that result from it, and even human observation and cognition of oneself are meaningless. Just a hymn is even more meaningless.
It’s just that human observation and cognition give it meaning. Therefore, this meaning is just a layer of deceitful illusions and lies covering the meaningless essence. People think that they are meaningful things, but their essence does not depend on human will. The arrogance or low self-esteem that humans think is meaningful is so small in the face of this essence that does not depend on human will.
Dr. Ande didn’t understand what he was going through, whether it was real or illusory, whether he was sick as a patient with doomsday syndrome, or was there a fact beyond imagination that was surpassing his own senses. The way it happened. Although he felt that he was dreaming, he was not completely dreaming. Between the illusory dream and the self-knowing reality, there was a vague and obscure zone. In his mind, a voice suddenly asked himself, what about the isolated island hospital he was in?
At first, he couldn't quickly understand the meaning of this question. However, the thoughts that radiated from my mind began to ask in depth: Is my work in this isolated island hospital, what I have seen, heard, and personal experience, is it real or a dream?
Dr. Ande answered this idea the first time: "Of course it is true." He has never doubted this before. Rather, he is quite vigilant. Once he doubts this fact, he will truly be spiritual collapse. Doubt about the reality of oneself is just a pathological manifestation of mental illness in self-cognition.
Then, the thought asked itself: "What does the world outside of the island look like? Do you really know the outside world? Or do you think you know it, but actually just made up your own to deceive your own cognition?" Dr. Ender listened to his own heart, answered quickly, and described what he knew about the outside world—of course, it was only what he had seen before entering the isolated island. As a researcher, he traveled around the world and saw Many landscapes that ordinary people have never seen in their lives. After that, he entered the isolated island hospital, and gradually mastered the leadership of the research direction, and never left the isolated island. Moreover, the "virus" infection can no longer be prevented in the hospital now ~ IndoMTL.com~ From the abnormal changes in the island and offshore I clearly feel that the world outside the island is undergoing terrible changes, and the work and life support of the hospital has been suspended, and it is not without a bad imagination.
However, that voice once again questioned Dr. Ander himself:
——Beyond the isolated island, on the other side of the ocean, is there really a world? What I know is that this isolated island hospital and the place where the sea and the sky meet when standing on the edge of the island is not the "world"? Since I can no longer leave this island, I can no longer prove that the world the island arrives in still exists, why is so sure that I am not in a nightmare, and in this nightmare, this hospital island is the only place to shelter?
"No, it's impossible, this island is just a small part of the world..." Dr. Ender stopped writing and pressed his forehead. He was sweating profusely, only feeling that his brain was being stirred by an iron rod.
But, as the questioning voice said, he does not seem to have any evidence to prove that he is really not in a nightmare, nor can he deny that he has suffered from doomsday syndrome, let alone be sure, at this moment The self is not trapped in mental hallucinations. If you have already fallen ill and fell into a seemingly real mental illusion, then when did you start?
Outside the isolated island hospital that I know, in the clues that constantly make people think about it, in the gloomy sea and the mutated ecology, how much is true?
When Dr. Ender broke free from this conscious activity that almost destroyed his sanity, he found that he did not know when he wrote the word "dreamland" on a piece of paper. 21032.
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