Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 2158: Ideological attack
No matter when, the worst situation I encounter is always the kind of attack on consciousness, thoughts and logic of thinking. Most of these attacks are invisible and invisible, and it is difficult to confirm when they started and when they will end. There is no clear turning point in the whole process. When you start to be afraid, frustrated, and desperate, when your thoughts start to swell, your thinking starts to get confused, and your emotions start to fluctuate, it's hard to say that you can stop if you stop. It is precisely because I have experienced it so many times that I understand more that people’s “inside” and “outside” have a complicated system of levels, and subjective consciousness has never been able to penetrate into the depths of the self. And this situation has never been what the story says, nor is it what people often imagine, it is a "bad" thing.
Perhaps many people think that "performing self-awareness into every cell" or "subjectively controlling every part of the mind and body" is a powerful expression. However, I feel that it should be an expression of inhumanity and is an important basis for distinguishing between "human" and "inhuman." It is impossible for "human beings" to completely control their own consciousness and eliminate the boundary between their subconscious and superficial consciousness, nor can they only think about what they want, do what they want to do, and completely subjectively, as described in the novel. Consciousness, subconsciousness, and behavior become a unity, which in a full sense achieves the "oneness of knowledge and action" in philosophy.
Yes, people can't do it. Only non-humans can do it. When people can do it, people are no longer humans. And this is not a problem in the conceptual sense, but a more objective structural problem. In terms of human structure, from the atomic and even subatomic to the quantum structural level, as well as the macro-coordination between humans and the universe, as well as the social nature of human beings, human beings do not have a complete "cooperation of knowledge and action" on the basis of their existence. The condition of "one" does not have the condition of complete "ideal access". The self-awareness and personality structure show obvious stratification, which is determined by the constituent factors and basic structure of human beings. It is the reason why "human beings" It is one of the important characteristics of human beings.
It is impossible to achieve the complete integration of ideals in consciousness and behavior in philosophy without changing its own basic structure and basic constituent factors. Once the basic structural factors are changed, for example, it is no longer carbon-based, it becomes something else, or something that cannot be produced naturally at all, for example, it is no longer the existing bones, nerves, internal organs, or even the brain. Changes in the basic structure and factors will definitely lead to changes in self-ideology.
Conversely speaking, just because my own basic structure and constituent factors are like this, there is an inevitable law, a limited outline, and certain fixed patterns in my own self-conscious activities. My conscious nature and personality mechanism are firmly limited in a framework, which can be smaller than this framework, but it is absolutely impossible to cross this framework-unless, from the foundation, I make a more radical change .
I am a patient with doomsday syndrome, which no longer needs to be quibble now, and whether it is in the hospital reality or in the doomsday illusion, my body parts and physiological functions have been quite different from ordinary people. . In my cognition, the disease caused by "virus" is a kind of change induced from a very detailed perspective, from a microscopic level that is difficult to observe. Even so, when it is not from the quantum level or the subatomic level To observe, but to observe from the level of cell genes, I still have great similarities with "humans" in the normal sense.
It is these similarities that make my self-awareness and personality structure different from ordinary people, but also have many similarities to humans.
In my opinion, it is wrong to separate the mind from the material and treat the "spiritual" and "ideology" as independent things to treat the changes. But even if we observe ourselves separately and independently, emotions, thoughts, thoughts, personality, conscious activities... these things observed from a spiritual point of view are also not completely beyond the framework of "humanity", on the contrary, most of them are still in this framework. Within the frame.
Whether it is in the hospital reality or in the doomsday illusion, there is a certain power that erodes the patient's self at all times, especially in the doomsday illusion, this situation is more obvious.
Every time I think, every time I pursue self-consistency from a logical level, every time I struggle to wake up from a nightmare, every self-observation and self-judgment is never "correct". Rather, I can't judge myself at all, whether my thoughts, or even such thoughts, emotions, and self-recognition are “correct”. Because, there is no such thing as the most correct template to refer to. And my observation and adjustment of self-awareness has never been for "correctness", but only for "continuation".
Once the emotions are out of control, once the mind goes into a dead end, once the consciousness falls into extreme madness and despair, it means that self-awareness is under a great test. Emotion adjustment is not possible every time. In my own observations, my own thinking has contradictions, my own thoughts have swelled, or other changes are beyond my control. But in this situation where it is impossible to defend in time or avoid repeated erosions, what I can do is to maintain a self-consistent logic to allow myself to accept the various changes that I have made on the level of consciousness, no matter that is good. , Or it may be bad.
Among the many mystery experts I have seen, many have strong willpower and can achieve the unity of knowledge and action to a certain extent, but they are all dead, mad, and fall into the truth of the end. middle. Different people have different interpretations of this situation, and in my opinion, this is the result of their inability to achieve ideological adaptation and logically self-consistent within a limited time within the existing self-framework. When their ideology and philosophies change, they only have two options: "self-destruction" and "accepting the truth of the end." Their seemingly depraved position, in fact, in many cases, just to survive, they choose to accept the truth of the end, and make this choice in favor of the latter, which has nothing to do with their subjective consciousness, regardless of their subjective will. How powerful, and how much resistance to the doomsday truth is, are useless. "It is impossible for a man to integrate his subjective consciousness with his subconscious, and he cannot integrate all his consciousness and completely integrate his own behavior." This is the foundation of being human. The decisive factor is the most basic framework of consciousness activities determined by the structure.
Like human nerve reflexes, in an extreme environment, under the attack that thinking logic and consciousness are under, they have to slide in the direction of the truth of the end.
The reason why I can persist longer than other doomsday syndrome patients is because, in my own view, it is because I have tried before only the two options of "self-destruction" and "accepting the truth of the doomsday" are left. To create the third option, or in other words, before I fell to the step of "self-destruction", I had already struggled ideologically and logically in order not to eventually fall to this point.
This is a very complicated situation that I haven't studied clearly myself. I am just very sure that my mystical thinking, my observation of myself, the pursuit of thought, and the pursuit of philosophy, whether passive or active in the eyes of others, or whether it is passive or active, this The behavior itself is not to pursue "correctness", but merely to protect oneself from the ideological point of view.
My thinking is constantly expanding, even when fighting, it is undeniable that this will inevitably affect the behavior-more sluggish than normal, the reaction is not timely, and even the thinking is messy, contradictory, and grotesque The manners, these are all understandable, and they are all situations that will definitely arise. Strictly speaking, it can even endanger one's own life. In the eyes of many people, this is definitely a shackle, a bad performance and no benefit.
I thought the same at first, but when I had to think, instinctively, and constantly thinking about "the meaning of my own thinking at this moment and the behavior itself", I finally came to the conclusion: those The result of thinking may be laughable. It may be absurd or meaningless, but the act of "thinking" itself is of great significance. It can even be said that the phenomenon of "unstoppable expansion of thinking" is not entirely bad. , Also has extremely important significance for the maintenance of self-existence and cognition.
It is through these involuntary and ill-fated thinking activities that when I feel my own "deterioration", I can also maintain a self-recognition that "I am still Gaochuan and has not become anything else". Know the state.
To put it more simply: As Gao Chuan, whether it is the transformation of the material form into LcL or the deterioration of the level of spiritual consciousness, it is extremely bad, but there must be worse situations. However, I ended up just " Wandering on the edge of "bad" and "worst", not falling into the "worst" situation, it is entirely the blessing of the seemingly pathological thinking.
Compared with the vaguely predictable "worse" and "worst" situation, my vicious reaction now is a relatively good situation.
I can maintain my current self in my thinking, so that I will not fall into a worse situation. This is the most meaningful result achieved by those seemingly self-deceiving and pretending thinking activities. On the other hand, if I stop thinking, stop being logically self-consistent, stop trying desperately and ridiculously to dig out meaning from that ignorant struggle, then I would probably have long since collapsed, and I would have given up hope long ago. I have already fallen into that extreme madness and fear, and lost my mind, or it is no longer "Gaochuan" but something else.
All the thoughts mentioned above are all carried out during the battle, and such thoughts are my observation of myself. Through this kind of thinking activity, I re-shrinked myself from the spiritual level and became stronger, so as not to be defeated by the pillars of despair, madness and fear. In this process of thinking and self-observation, I suffered more damage than before, but as long as there is no death, I think this choice is correct.
In the battle full of mysterious powers I have experienced, being killed physically by people and being destroyed from the personality and spirit by the power that directly impacts the mind and consciousness are completely different results. From the point of view of "Gaochuan", even if I am annihilated by these chaotic and mysterious phenomena here, or broken by Nazi soldiers and security guards, it is only the death of "I", and "Gaochuan" will still exist. . However, once I collapsed on my mental personality, it would be unpredictable what kind of negative influence would eventually be brought to the ideology of "Gaochuan".
What does a person's true death look like? The ancients said that it was forgotten.
What does death look like for a modern person? Many people feel that it has become a corpse.
But for me, ideological self-destruction is the real death. And on this battlefield full of mystery, all attacks against ideology and logic of thinking, these do not know where to start and where to end, the invisible and invisible attacks are truly terrible attacks.
The ancients once said that all struggles involving ideology and ideology are truly cruel struggles. They are more decisive and thorough struggles than physical destruction. I also think so.
What I am facing now is such a cruel and thorough battle. What really kills me is not the mysterious phenomena that hurt my body and destroy my body, nor the Nazi soldiers and security guards visible to the naked eye. ~IndoMTL.com~ is not a conspiracy of Doomsday Shinrikyo, and these magnificent rituals that turn each participant into a part and sacrifice. But in these behavioral representations, the hidden things like spring breeze and drizzle, eroding me, trying to destroy the intangible and intangible things of self-cognition from my spiritual thought and ideology.
I bleed, got hurt, pierced some internal organs, chopped off some limbs, so I won’t let my head fall off, or I’m blind, my ears hurt, and I can’t hear the sound. , And even, the intense pain is always spreading on the nerves, and any hallucinations appear in my mind, causing myself to make mistakes-and so on, these tangible injuries do not make me so scared.
What really frightens me is what I perceive, the changes in my consciousness and thoughts, and the changes in my self-cognition that I get when I observe myself.
I don’t mind how many enemies I kill, or where I will be killed by these enemies, but I do mind that there is some kind of power here that is trying to separate "I" from "Gaochuan" , Become something independent.
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