The Starry Sky, The Starry Sea: Chapter 11 I am here

Chapter11 I am here

Don't think you can show love the way, for love will show you the way when it finds you worthy.

After all, I am young, and my illness comes and goes quickly. After two days, all the uncomfortable symptoms disappeared, and my body recovered completely.

However, after thinking about it for two days, I still couldn't answer Wu Julan's question.

In the evening, after I took a shower and just dried my hair, I heard Wu Julan call me: "Xiaoluo, Jiang Yisheng is on night shift tonight, let's go to the hospital to see him."

To see Jiang Yisheng? go to the hospital? My heart jumped suddenly, I thought about it, and said loudly: "Okay! I will come down immediately!"

I quickly took off my pajamas, changed into out clothes, **** my hair, and ran downstairs.

When we walked to the intersection of Mazu Street, we took a taxi and arrived at the hospital in more than 20 minutes.

This is the first time I came to see Jiang Yisheng when he was on night shift. After asking several nurses, I finally found Jiang Yisheng outside the ward of the inpatient department.

He asked in surprise: "Why are you here? Who is not feeling well?"

I said: "I am in good health, I just want to come and see you and chat with you."

Jiang Yisheng twitched the corners of his mouth with a fake smile, glanced at Wu Julan and me thoughtfully, and asked, "Have you recovered from your cold?"

"OK!"

Jiang Yisheng said: "It got better so quickly! Let's go, sit in my office for a while."

We walked along a long corridor with wards on either side.

Because it was still early and the patients hadn't rested yet, the doors of most of the wards were wide open. When the eyes pass by inadvertently, you can always see the world in miniature: the husband helps the wife who is paralyzed on the bed and cannot turn over; the wife takes out the potty from under the bed and prepares to serve the husband who cannot walk; , with dead eyes, lying alone on the bed; some patients have gauze wrapped around their heads, and infusion tubes inserted in their arms, talking and laughing with their families; some brothers and sisters are arguing over medical expenses; Apples, endless love...a small place, but it reflects the eight sufferings of life - birth, old age, sickness and death, resentment and hatred, love parting, not getting what you want, and the five aggregates are blazing, which makes everyone who sees it feel inexplicably stressed. I consciously restrained my gaze, trying to only stare at the front and not into the ward.

When I walked to the end of the corridor, I was relieved that there was no ward.

Jiang Yisheng said: "My office is upstairs, only two floors, let's walk up, and wait for the elevator to be slower."

Wu Julan and I had no objection, followed Jiang Yisheng into the stairwell.

When we walked halfway, we saw a man in a light gray shirt and black trousers standing at the corner of the stairs, with his forehead against the wall, weeping silently.

It could be seen that he was trying to suppress the crying, his whole body was tense, and his drooping hands were tightly clenched into fists, but the pain and despair were too strong, causing him to let out a broken sob or two from time to time.

This is a hospital, and it is an intensive care unit area. Anyone can imagine why, we tried our best to walk lightly, hoping to walk past without disturbing him at all. But the stairs are so big, he obviously noticed that someone was coming, and immediately wiped away his tears with his hands.

When I passed by him, I couldn't help but take a closer look at him, only to realize that it was a familiar face. I stopped in my tracks all of a sudden, and shouted: "Lin Han!"

He raised his head, saw me, and smiled hard, "Shen Luo, hello!"

I vaguely guessed why he was crying here, and my mood suddenly became very heavy. I said to Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan: "You go up first, I will chat with my friends."

After Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan left, I tentatively asked Lin Han: "If you have time, can we sit here for a while?"

Lin Han seemed exhausted, and sat down on the steps without saying a word. I sat next to him and sat beside him.

Lin Han is in his early thirties and works in the tax bureau. It is said that he is the youngest department-level cadre, very young and promising. He and I met in the hospital, because we have a common identity - a family member of a cancer patient. It's just that it's my grandfather who got stomach cancer, and it's his wife who got stomach cancer.

His wife discovered it earlier than my grandfather, and she was young, not yet thirty years old. She underwent surgery in time and had a great chance of recovery. When I met them, they were undergoing postoperative rehabilitation. I once asked him for advice on how to take care of gastric cancer patients. He gave me a lot of help and encouragement, and the two quickly became familiar from strangers.

The last time I saw him was six months ago, also in the hospital. I helped grandpa get the medicine and met him. He beamed and told me that after a follow-up examination with his wife, he confirmed that the operation was a success and he should be fully recovered.

Unexpectedly, in just six months, he fell from the cloud of hope to the abyss of despair.

I hesitated to ask about the specific situation, but I really didn't know how to speak.

Lin Han took the initiative to ask, "Why are you in the hospital?"

I said: "The doctor just now is my friend, I will come to see him."

Lin Han said: "It's better not to come to see a doctor! I heard that your grandfather passed away. I originally planned to visit you, but Xiaoyun was found to have spread cancer cells, so I have no time to contact you."

I think he didn't avoid this topic, he should be too depressed and grieved, and he is willing to chat with someone who has a similar experience like me. I asked: "How is Miss Yun now?"

Lin Han said with difficulty: "The doctor said... it will only be two or three days."

It took me a moment to understand what he meant. His wife may die within two or three days! ?

I murmured in disbelief: "How could this be?"

Lin Han lowered his head, choked up and said, "I've been thinking about why this happened. The doctor told her family members to be mentally prepared. I don't even know how to tell her parents...I don't know if this is the case. Why, she is still so young... At the wedding, she said that the happiness she desires most is to grow old with me, and she also said that she must have two children, but she didn't even have time to have children..."

I don't know how to comfort Lin Han. In the face of death, all words are useless, so I can only accompany him silently.

Lin Han is by no means a weak man. It can even be said that he is stronger than most men I know, otherwise he would not be able to accompany his wife to fight against illness for more than two years. But at this moment, all his strength was gone, and he wept bitterly like a child in despair.

After I finished talking with Lin Han and watched him leave, I didn't go upstairs to find Jiang Yisheng and Wu Julan, but walked down the stairs slowly.

At this moment, I don't have the courage to face Wu Julan, I just want to be alone for a while.

Tonight, from the moment he asked me to go out, I knew that Wu Julan had another purpose, not just to see Jiang Yisheng. Although I don't know exactly what he wants to do, I am ready to face anything.

When I walked past the ward, I vaguely understood Wu Julan's intentions, but even Wu Julan certainly didn't expect that his trip to the hospital would be so effective, and I actually ran into Lin Han.

Could it be that even God thinks his choice is correct?

Out of the hospital, I didn't take a car, and walked slowly along the sidewalk in a trance.

The image of Lin Han hiding in the stairwell and crying silently has always been in my mind.

From a certain point of view, isn't my lifespan of just a few decades, to Wu Julan, like a terminally ill patient? When I'm with him, isn't it just like Lin Han's wife and Lin Han? After the short-lived joy, there is the trivial torment and the long pain of parting.

For Lin Han's wife, misfortune has already happened. Of course, she hopes that someone can accompany and take care of her, but what about Lin Han? Wouldn't today's pain be without the beginning of yesterday?

That night, I heard Wu Julan question me, "Your love is knowing that the end result will be pain, but you still have to start selfishly"? I just feel like I'm neglecting to think in his shoes.

Now, I really realize that this is not just a matter of position, but, before time, I am a terminally ill patient to him.

If I want him to love me, I want him to bear the pain after loving me. The more love I want, the more pain he will bear one day.

Is this really the love I want?

No! This is definitely not the love I imagined!

I walked for an hour and walked back to Mazu Street, but I still haven't figured out what to do.

I bought a dozen beers at the small shop at the corner of the street, and took the beer to the reef beach.

I sat on the reef, drinking beer and looking at the dark sea.

In TV dramas, there is a very vulgar plot: the hero and heroine finally get together after hardships, but suddenly the hero or heroine finds that he has a terminal illness. At this time, whether it is the hero or the heroine, they will silently conceal their illness, trying to drive the other party away, hoping that the other party will stop loving themselves.

Every time I see a plot like this, I always yawn and say, "Can it be something new?" Now I finally understand why this plot is so vulgar, because it is deeply emotional An inevitable choice, no matter how much the screenwriter wants to innovate, he can't go against human nature.

While drinking heavily, I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes with my fingers. Do I have to be like the heroine in a TV series to give up my love?

However, Wu Julan is not the leading actor in a TV series, he doesn't know how to chase him away.

From the very beginning, his attitude was very clear, he didn't want to accept me at all!

If it wasn't for my stalking, he wouldn't talk to me!

He will never give me a chance to die, I must think clearly.

Amidst the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks, I opened the sixth can of beer.

Intellectually, I know it's wrong to continue drinking like this. This is definitely not a place suitable for getting drunk alone, but now I just want to drink. Forget it, call Jiang Yisheng later and ask him to carry me home.

I was drinking and thinking wildly, when my phone rang suddenly.

I took out my mobile phone and saw that it was Wu Julan's call. I didn't want to answer it at first, but I stuffed it back into my pocket, but after a second thought, I couldn't bear to make him worry, so I still answered the phone.

"Hello?"

Wu Julan asked: "Where are you?"

I put on a cheerful voice, "I was drinking and chatting with my friends outside. Sorry, I forgot to tell you and Jiang Yisheng."

"What friend?"

"I met an old classmate by chance in the hospital. I just planned to chat for a while, but the classmate called classmate, and several classmates came. You go home first, don't wait for me, I'm going to be late Go back a little."

"How late?"

I grabbed my hair and said, "Everyone was having a great chat, and I'm sure we won't be able to break up in a while. I brought the key. Don't worry about me, go to sleep first!"

Wu Julan was silent.

I felt that I could no longer pretend, and was on the verge of collapse, so I hurriedly said: "They are calling me, if you are fine, I will hang up." After speaking, without waiting for his response, I hung up the phone immediately.

I raised my head and drank the remaining half can of beer in one breath, and opened another can of beer.

After drinking two cans of beer in a row, I suddenly called out inexplicably: "Wu Julan, I love you!"

"Shen Luo loves Wu Julan very much!"

"Wu Julan, there is a very good girl who loves you very much! If you don't cherish it, you will regret it sooner or later..."

Facing the dark sea, I shouted like venting.

Wu Julan, if you are like me, or I am like you, I will definitely tell you how much I love you!

Since I was a child, I really wanted to love my father and mother like other children, but my parents didn't give me this opportunity. I have accumulated a lot of love, so much that I am reluctant to give it to anyone, and I dare not give it to anyone, because it is ordinary and all I have, but I want to give it to you.

I want to spend my whole life loving you well, doing my best to treat you well, pampering you with everything I have, and making you the happiest man!

However, if you don't give me a chance, my passionate love can only turn into a hopeless cry before the dark sea. The sky can hear, the earth can hear, and the sea can hear, but you can't hear it!

I drank another can of beer in one breath and crushed the can viciously.

With tears in my eyes, I swore to myself: "For the last time! If he responds to me, it is fate telling me not to give up. If he does not respond to me, fate tells me that I should give up!"

I put down the beer can, stood up staggeringly, put my hands around my mouth, faced the sea, and shouted with all my strength: "Wu-ju-lan! Wu-ju-lan ..."

Under the sky full of stars, the sea breeze blows gently, and the waves gently beat against the reef. I stood on a high rock, like a lunatic, screaming with all my strength, over and over again, as if I wanted to consume all my life in the screaming.

I know no one will respond!

I made this oath knowing the result, but I just forced myself to give up!

Facing the sea, I called out his name over and over again, shouting hoarsely, telling myself that this is destiny, and I have tried my best.

From now on, I will bury this feeling deeply and make him feel that I also think that we are not suitable.

I will tell him that I can let go and forget him, anyway, the only eternal thing in this universe is that everything will perish. Even a star can disappear, let alone a relationship? Please let him leave at ease, my feelings for him will definitely disappear with time! This is an objective law, and everything will not violate it!

I believe that I must be sincere when I say it, even if he stares into my eyes, he will believe it, because what I say is the truth and I have never deceived him.

Only, I won't tell him the time it takes for my feelings for him to fade away!

My feelings for him will definitely disappear in this world, because, I will definitely disappear in this world too!

"Wu Julan! Wu Julan! Wu Julan..."

After hundreds or thousands of calls, my voice finally became hoarse and I could no longer call out.

Between the sea and the sky, everything is silent, and no voice responds to my call.

This is the final result that fate told me, and it is also the best result!

My heart was ashamed, and I looked up at the sky above my head with tears streaming down my face.

The stars are full and the stars are bright.

In the misty tears, tens of thousands of stars shine brightly, they seem so close to me, as if I can hold them with my hand.

How like Wu Julan! Appearing so dazzlingly, it becomes your entire starry sky, eclipsing all the gems in the world. However, you can only watch, never own!

Bewitched, I stretched out my hands towards the starry sky, wanting to embrace the entire sky.

Suddenly, a meteor appeared, slid across half of the sky as fast as lightning, and disappeared at the end of the sea and sky.

I didn't even have time to think about the shooting star making a wish, but when my eyes naturally followed its light, the only thought that flashed in my mind was: I want Wu Julan!

When the meteor disappeared, I couldn't help shouting again with a hoarse voice: "Wu Julan!"

No response.

I scolded myself with tears in my eyes: "What an idiot!"

Knowing it is a lie, but still doing it! If making a wish on a shooting star can make your wish come true, people all over the world don't have to work hard, just make a wish to the sky every night and wait for the shooting star to appear!

I was watching the stars and weeping, a thought flashed through my mind like a shooting star, and my body froze all of a sudden.

"If you want to understand him, don't listen to what he said, but listen to what he didn't say."

I stood in a daze for a while, as if waking up from a dream, I hurriedly took out my phone.

In the call log, the most recent record is "Wu Julan", which was already two hours ago.

I tapped his name with trembling hands and dialed the number.

The familiar ringtone of the mobile phone rang, although it was very faint, but in this silent night, except for the gentle sound of the waves, it was the only one, and I could hear it clearly.

It turned out that it wasn't that he didn't respond, but that the way I called him was wrong.

He is here, he has always been here!

In an instant, shock, ecstasy, joy, sadness, bitterness... All kinds of intense emotions surged in my heart, stirring up my brain like boiling water, a misty mist, making it difficult for me to distinguish between joy and sorrow. Laugh, want to cry again.

When the ding ding dong dong ended, Wu Julan appeared. Under the starlight, he stood on a high cliff, looking down at me.

When I didn't know he was there, I kept yelling at Haitian, as if wishing the whole world could hear me calling him. At this moment, he was right in front of my eyes, but I couldn't make a sound, I just stared at him blankly.

He floated down from the cliff, the darkness didn't affect him in the slightest, and the rugged reef didn't hinder him in the slightest. He was in front of me in the blink of an eye as if he was walking on flat ground.

He is handsome and elegant, standing in front of me gracefully. His brows were deep and calm, and his expression was calm and unhurried, as if he was not forced by me to come out to see me at all, but came to the appointment after a long time.

Actually, we were only separated for a few hours, but my heart has gone back and forth several times between life and death. Looking at him, it was like reuniting after a long absence.

The joy of being lost and found again, the sadness of the rest of the life after a catastrophe, the resentment of being wronged and self-pity, and the nervousness and shyness of facing the one I love... I looked at him with mixed feelings, as if I had a thousand words to confide, but in the end I became It became a flirty interrogation: "Why are you sneaking in the dark?"

"I promised Jiang Yisheng that I won't let you stay alone until I find out the background of those people."

I understand, he didn't find him later, but he never left from the beginning. When Lin Han and I were talking in the stairwell, he didn't leave, but stood by. Later, I left the hospital without saying hello, and he followed me all the time.

Then, he should have seen and understood everything.

Thinking of him seeing me drinking and buying drunk, lying and saying that I was drinking and chatting with my friends, as well as those hoarse struggles and pains... I called his name thousands of times, and he was obviously on the side, but he could Without saying a word, I watched me push myself into a desperate situation with cold eyes... I was sad and angry, and couldn't help but raised my hand and hit him fiercely.

At this moment, I really hated him so much, I was merciless in my strikes, I gritted my teeth and beat him with all my strength, it was like beating a life-and-death enemy.

He didn't move, didn't say a word, and let me beat him.

I beat him, feeling unspeakable grievances, tears streaming down my cheeks, and wept loudly while hugging him.

He finally reached out and patted my back lightly.

With a hoarse voice, I whimpered, "Wu...Ju Lan..."

This time, he did not pretend not to hear, but said clearly, "I am here."

I couldn't believe it, I was stunned for a while, and then I choked up and called again: "Wu Julan!"

He said it again very clearly: "Here I am."

I wiped my tears and stared at him like I didn't know him.

Wu Julan stared at me calmly.

I sniffed, stared at him, and said viciously: "I won't give up! No matter what you think, whether you call me selfish or thick-skinned, anyway, I won't give up! Even if one day I die, I have left you with a lot of pain, and I will not give up! Compared with you, my life is very short, but I will give you my whole life!"

Wu Julan was silent, just looked at me. His eyes were not the same as before, the indigo brilliance shone in the deep darkness, as if thousands of stars had melted into his eyes, more radiant and beautiful than the vast starry sky.

I asked nervously: "You, what are you... thinking?" I was already too afraid of his ruthless indifference, and I was afraid that he would say something hurtful again.

He asked calmly: "Is this your choice?"

I said firmly: "This is my choice!"

He asked calmly: "Even if it will bring you pain?"

I firmly said: "Even if it will bring me pain!"

He asked calmly: "Even if it will bring me pain?"

I said firmly: "Even if it will bring you pain!"

Wu Julan smiled slightly, and said firmly: "Okay!"

I don't know what his "good" means, but his smile makes me forget everything. I just feel that the dark night has suddenly turned into a bright day, and it seems that there is a warm sun shining down and surrounding me. Brings me warmth.

Wu Julan said: "Let's go back, if we stay any longer, you're going to catch a cold again."

His tone was so gentle that I completely lost my ability to think, so I just nodded obediently.

Along the way, he held my hand and never let go, and I was always in a state of brain shutdown.

Back home in a daze, when he let go of my hand and let me go upstairs to rest, I realized that I didn't seem to ask him what he was thinking.

I stood at the top of the stairs, reluctant to go upstairs.

Wu Julan asked: "What's wrong?"

I summoned up my courage and stammered and asked: "Just now on the beach, you, what did you mean by 'yes'?"

He turned and went into the study, came out with a notebook, and handed it to me.

It's the notebook where he drew three sketches, it's really something I remember deeply! I couldn't help shivering, gritted my teeth, and took it over.

Wu Julan stroked my head lightly, and said gently: "Don't be nervous, this time it's not..." It wasn't anything, but he didn't say any more.

"Yeah!" I agreed with my mouth, but I couldn't relax at all.

With the feeling of a strong man going to die, I hurried upstairs with my notebook.

As soon as I closed the bedroom door, I opened my laptop. After flipping through the three sketches, the next page was filled with elegant and elegant words.

After reading two sentences, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was not a cold and hurtful sentence, but a prose poem "On Love" by Gibran: When love calls you, follow him, even though his way is difficult danger.

When the wings of love embrace you, obey him, though the knives hidden in those wings may hurt you.

When love speaks to you, trust in him, though his words may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

When love crowns you, it also crucifies you.

Love can make you grow, but it can also prune you.

Although love can climb up and caress your branches and leaves swaying in the sun; it can also look down and shake your roots deep in the soil.

All of these are the tempering of love for you, so that you can know the secrets deep in your heart, and your cognition will become a part of your life and complete your life.

However, if you are afraid and only seek the peace and joy of love. Well, you'd better hide your true self from the testing grounds of love. Into a world without seasons, where you can laugh, but not with your heart's content; where you can cry, but not with all the tears in your heart.

Don't think you can show love the way, for love will show you the way when it finds you worthy.

After I read it several times in a row, I hugged the notebook tightly and leaned against the bedroom door, with tears in my eyes, smiling and closing my eyes.

Just now, as soon as Wu Julan entered the study, he immediately walked out with a notebook. It is obviously impossible to write it tonight. I can't guess when he wrote it, maybe he wrote it after he questioned me that night, maybe he wrote it when he was thinking about it in the past two days.

No matter what, in this relationship, I am not the only one who thinks and chooses painfully. He is torturing my questions, and he is also torturing himself.

No matter what the process is, the result is that we all made the same choice by coincidence, let love be love! As for the pain, we are willing to bear it! Because that's part of love!