Before His Eyes: 147 A person’s loneliness

I was about to walk over, but I didn't expect the phone in my pocket to ring suddenly. It was from Gu Yu. I frowned and glanced at the closed door. There were more and more people in the corridor. Nurses have already noticed me, now is not a good time, I can't rush forward and startle the snake.

So I grabbed my phone and left in a hurry.

The call came at an untimely time, so I didn't have time to see exactly which department Qiao Ying entered, and why she came to the hospital, so the tone of her voice was a little angry. Complaints have been blurted out.

Sure enough, Gu Yu on the other end of the phone fell silent, I bit my tongue secretly, blaming myself for my impulsive temper, Gu Yu couldn't be blamed for this matter at all, I was too anxious.

I apologized sincerely to her, but Gu Yu still didn't say a word.

I was in a hurry and said nervously: "Gu Yu, I'm really sorry, I had something to do just now, I didn't mean to lose my temper with you, don't be angry."

My heart was pounding, and I heard shallow breathing from over there, and then Gu Yu's warm voice came over: "It's because I didn't think carefully, I forgot that you might be busy with other things." Things, I will definitely remember to pay attention next time, it was my negligence, auntie don't have to blame yourself."

What she said made me feel guilty. I don't know how to explain it. Ever since I met Qiao Ying, I have become very restless. A boulder caused an uproar on the sea, and I became anxious and anxious, wishing to rush up and smash her into pieces, but I couldn't, so under such conditions I still need to maintain a calm heart. It made me more stressed, and my whole brain became full of thoughts, buzzing, as if it was about to explode.

But after I calmed down, I clearly knew that it was my fault for the nameless anger towards Gu Yufa, but she took all the mistakes on her shoulders, which made me very sorry, and I really didn't know what to do next. How to answer her words.

The atmosphere remained silent for several minutes, until finally Gu Yu wanted to speak to break the silence.

"Forget it, it's just a trivial matter, so are you still busy now, I want to treat you to a meal when I have time, let's talk about it."

I nodded hurriedly: "Of course, I will invite you for dinner, and you will decide the time and place."

"Okay, then you are busy, goodbye."

Hung up the phone, I sighed heavily, looking at the floor tiles with my head in my arms, I feel very tired today.

It was almost seven o'clock in the evening when I came out of the hospital. I didn't go back to see what department Qiao Ying went to, because I was afraid that she hadn't left yet. If the two of us ran into each other, all the plans would be ruined. And all my hard work will be in vain.

I shouldn't be in a hurry, it's a good strategy to take things one step at a time.

When they returned to the villa, Lu Junyan hadn't come back yet. The house was empty. He turned on the TV, thinking that it would be more lively, but he didn't want to make the whole house look lonely and deserted.

However, I am used to it alone, and I am quite used to this environment. After taking a shower, I took a cigarette and went to the living room. The smell of smoke, but I still can’t stop smoking. Nicotine paralyzes people. It has the same effect as alcohol. It relieves sorrow, but it is better than alcohol. .

I sat on the floor, watched the night turn into day, and saw the sky turn pale, and I was relieved, oh, it turned out that it was already daytime.

Looking down at the cigarette butts and ash all over the floor, I was startled, as if I knew that I was in reality at the moment, I stood up abruptly, my calf was already numb, walking on the road was like countless silver needles pricking Same, I limped, dragged my body slowly to the kitchen, picked up the broom, my eyes sank, I squatted on the ground as if I had suddenly exhausted all my strength, holding the broom, I was crying so hard.

It's like being robbed of your favorite toy or lollipop by the bad boy next door when you were a child, hysterical and painful.

After cleaning up the "evidence of decadence" last night, I asked Guan Hong for leave. When Guan Hong heard my voice, he paused and said, "Are you crying?"

I shook my head and quietly held my right hand: "I don't have one."

Guan Hong didn't say anything, just said hello, then I hung up the phone, cleaned myself up and went out.

I went to Xia Shansi, my psychiatrist.

It's not the 25th yet, so I shouldn't bother him when he's receiving and helping other patients, but I feel like I can't take it anymore, I need him.

I waited outside the door for a long time, and finally saw a man push open the door and come out with a haggard look, he looked like he should be his patient, I stood up nervously, seized the opportunity to push the door open and walked in.

Xia Shansi was a little surprised to see me, but he still let me sit down, because he could see that my current state was very different from usual.

He made me a cup of jasmine tea for peace of mind. I took a sip and sat opposite me with a gentle face.

"An extra day of treatment will cost me extra!"

My eyes were dark and heavy, and the depressed expression on my face was obvious. He frowned slightly, put away his joking look, and started to ask me the first question: "What's wrong with your hand?"

He carefully discovered that I was holding the cup with my left hand, and I was actually wearing a coat on a hot day.

I looked at him, slowly opened my sleeves, and removed the bandages that had been bandaged in the hospital. A fresh wound appeared on the wrist of my left hand. The wound was still very obvious, because the new wound had just passed away. hours of time.

His eyes sank, and then he asked me the second question: "Because of what?"

"That woman." I looked at him angrily, "I met her, I can't control myself, so I need to vent."

He nodded: "Okay, the third question, why did you choose to survive?"

"Revenge, I can't die before she falls."

He got up, walked in front of me, and then raised my hand. The wound was huge and shocking. Even when I saw it myself, it was hard to imagine how much strength I had to use when I scratched it.

"Since you know you want revenge, why do you hurt yourself? Any harm you do to yourself now will not affect that woman in the slightest. Are you going to fight her with bruises all over your body?"

I was stunned, staring at him blankly.

"You have to believe in a real winner, not only to defeat the opponent, but to remain intact and unscathed at the moment of standing on the top, this is the real winner, not to hold on Take a breath, look like you are going to fall down anytime, anywhere, that is no different from a loser, winning is also disgraceful, do you want this?"

Xia Shansi's words seem to be possessed of magic power, and he can always give me the best answers and insights. Although I know that his implication is just to let me stop self-harm, but what he said seems to be more than ordinary people. More convincing, and I believe so.