Beyond the Noisy World: The Long Lost Eight Sects: 004, set a small goal first

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At first, Liu Guonan claimed that he could not stand his mother's nagging before he came to a counselor for help. But the key to the problem is that she insists that men are not good things and does not want to have normal relationships with the opposite sex.

Usually, for this kind of psychological conflict, the counselor cannot directly tell the other party "how to get to know men" and "how to get along with men" at the beginning, although the adjustment of cognition and behavior is the final result.

In fact, the problem of "men are not good things" is extremely common in psychological counseling. In Ding Qi's three years of professional experience, this is already the 32nd case, and he encounters it almost every month on average. But the reasons that lead to this perception, and then affect work or life are different.

For example, sexual orientation problems, personality disorders, and stress reactions caused by severe emotional shocks and traumatic shadows left behind. There are also people who find an excuse for their avoidance behavior and self-suggestion because of social barriers, fear of contact, and maladjustment to the society. This kind of solidified concept will be formed over time.

The name Liu Guonan sounds very masculine at first, and it was her father. Because both parents wanted a boy, they gave birth to a girl. For this, Liu Guonan had no choice. Since she was a child, she has not been very confident about her feminine charm, or subconsciously thinks she is not so **** and beautiful enough, and she is not attractive to the opposite sex.

This hint of inferiority has led to a strong self-protection mentality. This feeling was unconscious, and she herself did not clearly realize it. Many people have such problems. In most cases, the impact is not too serious and they can usually resolve themselves.

In Liu Guonan's college days, the six girls in the same dormitory, the other five all had boyfriends, and they all moved out of school to rent a house together. In the end, she was the only one left in the dormitory.

Many people tend not to face up to their low self-esteem. Perhaps it is not that there are no boys pursuing her, but Liu Guonan's character does make it difficult for boys to approach her. In the strong contrast, "No boy likes me" eventually became "No man is a good thing", giving myself a reasonable explanation, making the cognition and behavior mode more solid.

So the men she calls are not all men, but men who may have intimate relationships with her. Later experiences may have a greater impact on her. That was the five girls in the same dormitory. Although they had dated boyfriends and lived together in an off-campus rented apartment, they were all involved before and after graduation for various reasons. Although it is too high in terms of probability, this is also a common situation on college campuses.

Liu Guonan has always had a strong concern for the opposite **** in her heart, and she also has curiosity and desire for the relationship between the sexes, but she rejects this impulse emotionally, which leads to inner conflict.

As for the necklace with a sapphire pendant, it is only a factor that induces more serious psychological problems in a specific scene, and it also symbolizes that she is very concerned about other people’s views of her in her heart, but on the surface she insists on a certain stubborn concept. As if protecting yourself.

Ding Qi looked at Liu Guonan in front of him, speaking from the heart, from a male perspective, she is actually very beautiful. Both the skin and the figure are very good, if you pay attention to grooming and dressing, you can be a very attractive beauty. However, Liu Guonan's attire seems to be deliberately or deliberately concealing this. Her hair is neatly combed, and her clothes are neat and clean. The three consecutive consultations are not the same attire, but it feels a bit difficult to describe.

The sweetheart-necked pullover she wore today had an exaggerated lace hanging down on the neckline, which just concealed the curve of the chest without showing the beauty of the waist. Jinghu, a southern city on the banks of the Yangtze River, the weather in September is still a bit hot. Most of the young girls are still wearing gorgeous skirts, but Liu Guonan is wearing a half-new and old cowboy today. pants.

The only striking thing about her whole body is the pendant on the necklace on her chest. The drop-shaped sapphire just sets off the whiteness of the neckline, but it doesn't match the overall outfit. After three consecutive consultations, Liu Guonan changed three sets of clothes, but he always wore this string of necklaces. In fact, they didn't match up very well, so Ding Qi noticed it keenly.

In the course of questioning and speaking, this psychological consultation meeting soon came to an end, and it was time to agree on a solution to the problem.

Ding Qi smiled gently and said: "We have discovered the problem, and now we must discuss a reasonable solution to resolve your inner conflict. In fact, you are eager to be concerned, but in your heart you are afraid of intimacy. The consequences and fear of being hurt, the root cause also comes from a kind of self-confidence..."

Liu Guonan suddenly interjected: "I heard that you guys, after getting a woman out of your hands and cheating into bed, once the novelty passes, you will feel boring and unexciting, and then you will gradually lose interest, isn't it? ?"

Liu Guonan's speech has become a lot more casual, and he has accidentally classified Ding Qi as a "man". Ding Qi responded with a wry smile and said: "Regardless of whether there is such a fact in reality, this statement precisely reflects your psychological problems. What we have to solve is your inner conflict. Now we will negotiate a consultation plan. Set a small goal, okay?"

Liu Guonan: "Set a small goal first? This is familiar! Didn't the rich man Huang Jianlin say it?"

Ding Qi laughed again: "Set a small goal first, which is also a commonly used term in psychological counseling."

"Ah, that's it!" Liu Guonan asked with interest: "Then you said Huang Jianlin would also go for psychological counseling regularly and often hear this sentence, so when I was interviewed, I accidentally Quoted?"

Ding Qi: "If there is no factual basis, you can’t say so nonsense. Regardless of Huang Jianlin’s problem today, we will set our small goal first. After returning, I hope you can do a small homework and fill out a form by yourself. , And then try to follow the requirements on the form... I look forward to your feedback, please feel free to come to consult."

After finishing the consultation, the mental health center was off work, but Ding Qi's day had not ended yet. He went to school again and came to the office of the deputy dean of his tutor Liu Feng, while Liu Feng was reading the dossier alone. Ding Qi took out his mobile phone to search for nearby food, and then asked his instructor to choose, and gave some suggestions in due course, introducing which restaurants are newly opened, or what new dishes have been launched recently.

Instructor Liu Feng didn't go home today, so Ding Qi ordered a takeout in the office to settle the dinner. Ding Qi already knew the tutor's taste very well, and he was very satisfied with the tutor every time. During the short period of time waiting for the delivery, seeing Liu Feng closed the file, Ding Qi neatly cleaned up the materials on the table and the sundries on the coffee table, and made a fresh cup of tea for the instructor.

Many classmates and colleagues are very envious of Ding Qi, but some people always have a slight disdain when talking about him behind their backs. They think that Ding Qi is mainly willing to flatter and flatter Liu Feng, who is a teacher and leader. It was very comfortable, so I got so much care and support.

It can also be seen from this that Ding Qi is very good at being a person and very likable, otherwise Liu Feng has brought so many students, why would he value him the most and have the closest relationship with him? And Ding Qi himself never thought that his attitude towards his mentor was deliberate flattery and flattery, but a kind of respect and gratitude from the heart.

What he did for his mentor, even the small details of everyday inconspicuousness, felt very natural.

Ding Qi met Liu Feng when he participated in a psychiatric clinical internship in the third year of his undergraduate degree. At that time, Liu Feng appreciated him, this young man, and gave him a lot of encouragement and guidance. After graduating from undergraduate school, Ding Qi stayed at school and studied in-service graduate students led by Liu Feng, and then met his daughter Jiajia at Liu Feng's home.

Liu Feng did not take the initiative to match his daughter Jiajia and Ding Qi, but it was because of Liu Feng's relationship that Ding Qi had the opportunity to meet and contact Jiajia, and the two developed into lovers on their own. And Liu Feng is also happy to see it happen, and he approves of it. Everything happened so naturally, and it seemed that it was a matter of course and it was arranged by fate.

Ding Qi is just a college student from a small and remote third-tier county town. During his time at school, he was appreciated by a "big man" like Liu Feng, and he also had a mentor's young and beautiful daughter. It was really smooth sailing, which is enviable.

Did Ding Qi seize the opportunity to get to know Liu Feng and thus achieve his goal of changing his own destiny? No one can tell this, and it may be true to outsiders, but it is not a bad thing. In Ding Qi's eyes, Liu Feng is not only a respectable teacher, but also a loving father, even if there is no relationship with Jiajia.

During the meal, Liu Feng smiled and asked: "I heard that when you were in big class today, you actually told a ghost story?"

The news reached the tutor's ears so quickly? I don't know who made the small report! But this was also expected by Ding Qi. He replied shyly: "This is an example that you collected and sorted out, the tutor. I told us that I used it in my teaching. Who made me be you? Of students!"

Liu Feng: "You asked the students present to raise their hands twice, and analyzed in the class why there were so many more people raising their hands the second time than the first time, and it was very well integrated with the teaching content. But those three ghost stories... I was talking about a small postgraduate class at the beginning, and the teaching content is also different. It is not very relevant to the class you are teaching today, and the quotes are rather blunt! We cannot deliberately cater to students by adding inappropriately Interesting content."

Ding Qi said modestly: "Teacher, you can see it too? I also feel a little bit like this. After all, I still can't use it as freely as you."

Liu Feng laughed again, using an allusion to jokingly said: "You are indeed a little tender. Just analyze and summarize in time, and you don't have to praise me. The 100 tall hats you brought into the house just now are still left. Ninety-nine tops."

Ding Qi: "Summarization and reflection must also have learning objects. In fact, it is impossible to tell ghost stories in class. To comply with the recent rectification requirements of the school leadership team..."

Liu Feng smiled bitterly and waved his hand to interrupt him: "I know this, so I won't comment on it. You just need to complete your teaching task well."

Jinghu University is listed in the 211 and 985 projects and is one of the national key universities. In recent years, the central government has vigorously strengthened its anti-corruption efforts, and several school leaders have been slapped in succession. The newly-appointed school leadership team put forward requirements for strengthening teaching management, and in response to many students’ absenteeism from school, they put forward various suggestions for rectification.

For example, the most controversial item is that, like many units, a fingerprint attendance system is installed at the door of the classroom, and fingerprints are used to replace the roll call before and after class. This obviously unrealistic proposal was of course rejected.

The interval between each class is only a short ten minutes. Many students have to rush to other classrooms after class. For some large classes, more than one hundred students are at every turn. Too late. Moreover, the school is not a company, and students are not employees. There is great mobility on campus. The same group of students take different courses in different classrooms every day, and there are many temporary changes.

If this type of attendance system is installed in every classroom, the investment cost and the database that needs to be maintained in real time are very large, and it is not practical.

But the majority of faculty and staff basically talked about it from another angle when discussing. For example, Jinghu University has a major in psychology and mental health. Many teachers study behavior prediction. They point out that students who do not want to attend classes can completely skip the class, and only need to go to the classroom door and fingerprint their fingerprints at the prescribed time for class and end.

Some teachers pointed out that even if students are allowed to enter the classroom, they cannot be prevented from sleeping in the classroom. These opinions were put forward solemnly in the discussion, but they were all told as jokes in private.

This unreliable suggestion was rejected, but there are other guidelines, such as investigating among students, what are the main reasons for skipping classes and sleeping in class? According to the results of the survey, targeted rectification should be carried out in the teaching link.

The original intention of doing this is of course a good one, but in the eyes of psychology professionals like Ding Qi, the results of the questionnaire statistics can almost be thought of with the heel. Because the subject of its survey is the students themselves, the questionnaire is designed in the form of "Do you often skip class or sleep in class", "What is the reason you skip class or sleep", etc...

For the identity of the respondent, this implies a criticism of moral attribution. Not many people are willing to take the initiative to admit that this is due to internal factors such as weariness of learning, laziness, playfulness, playing games, and falling in love. Most people tend to attribute the phenomenon to external factors. Unsurprisingly, the main conclusion drawn from the survey is that the lectures in the classroom lack interest, and are too boring and unattractive.

Since the school leadership team decided to conduct such an investigation, it had to have corresponding measures, so it issued rectification suggestions to all teachers, asking everyone to make the teaching process as interesting and interactive as possible to cultivate students' interest in learning.

This also made Ding Qi quite dumbfounded. In fact, whether it is quality education or skill education, the process of learning a lot of knowledge must be boring. This is unavoidable and it is impossible to blindly pursue fun.

One of the important goals of educators is to cultivate students' cognition of the learning process and the purpose of learning, and to cultivate their learning ability and corresponding qualities of will. And these, from the perspective of educational psychology and developmental psychology, are basically completed at the primary and secondary levels.

What is a person’s identity, what is he doing, and what should he do? This kind of problem is the same everywhere. It is the coordination of cognition, emotion, will and behavior, but it is necessary to correct it at any time. Regarding the school's suggestion, although knowing that this is not the fundamental solution to the problem, Ding Qi is also trying his best to increase the attractiveness of the course.

During the meal, the teachers and students chatted gossiping, Liu Feng said with a smile: "I heard that a young lady came recently and insisted that men are not good things, but appointed you, a man, for psychological counseling. Also refused to referral." The so-called referral is when a counselor considers himself inappropriate or has limited ability, and introduces the seeker to another counselor.