Beyond the Noisy World: The Long Lost Eight Sects: 162. Suspected of dismantling the White Party

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About half a year ago, Ding Qi received a helper named Guan Xiaoyin, female, thirty-three years old. She was a private business owner by profession. The problem of registering an appointment was emotional entanglement, but she had no more self. Introduction.

For such helpers, many psychologists, including Ding Qi, often feel a headache. Most of them have encountered problems such as broken relationships, quarrels, family conflicts, etc., and they come to complain and vent, usually just to vent a lot of negative emotions, tell who is not good, and how much they do for whom...

Unfortunately, the psychological clinic is not an emotional adjustment agency, nor can it help the seeker to solve the problems in reality. It can only find and try to solve the psychological problems of the seeker. In this case, if the psychiatrist does not deal with it properly, it may cause the other party's disgust or even a strong stress response, and the doctor will also become the target of attack.

I am obviously a lover, how can you say I have a problem? This is the first reaction of most help seekers. They spend money to find a post-psychiatrist counselor in order to reprimand and gain approval from the caring person, thereby gaining self-affirmation. The psychologists cannot solve the problems of marriage and love, nor can they solve the problems of their partners, they can only point out their own psychological problems.

Some inexperienced psychological counselors will accidentally be complained when receiving such help-seekers, suffer a meal and ask for a refund, because the emotions of the help-seekers themselves are not stable.

Other consultants are smart. They can see the psychology of the seekers and understand what they want when they come here. So they adopt the guidance method of comfort and approval to stabilize the emotions of the other party. The key is to let They realized that this was not their fault and affirmed their excellence.

This is also effective, but it often has another consequence, that is, it cannot solve the real problem, but it will lead to the dependence and empathy of the help seeker. When a help seeker has negative emotions to vent, he will think of coming to the psychiatrist, and may even form an unconscious subconscious mind.

It is still good to be regarded as a confidant sister. If the psychologist is a man, he may often be invited by the seeker, such as drinking tea, eating a meal, etc., the other party will find various ways to get his contact Way. Whether it is from the perspective of professional requirements or occupational regulations, psychologists should be rejected.

For most of these help-seekers, comfort is still very necessary, and the other's emotions must also be vented. The role of the psychologist is to transfer and absorb these negative emotions, and it will be fine after it passes. But for some special help seekers, they always encounter similar problems repeatedly, so there are problems that must be solved.

When Guan Xiaoyin walked in, Ding Qi felt a little familiar. There are many people in this world. You have an impression but you can’t remember who they are. For example, you have exchanged business cards on certain occasions, and you can recognize them when you meet again after a long time, but you can’t think of the caller’s name. What is the name and what is it for. Ding Qi felt this way at the moment.

But he didn't show it, but he nodded and smiled gently as usual: "Ms. Guan? Hello, please sit down!... I am Ding Qi, the counselor you made an appointment. May I ask where I can Help you?"

Guan Xiaoyin: "You are Dr. Ding Qi? You are more handsome than the picture! I have seen your deeds on the Internet, and I think you are amazing and not easy, so I came to you for help specially."

Ding Qi smiled and said: "It seems that Ms. Guan is very careful in doing things. What kind of help do you need to find me? I noticed that the problem you mentioned in the appointment registration appeal is an emotional dispute."

Guan Xiaoyin sighed and said: "It's not because of my boyfriend, he is always so inconsistent, so I want to ask the teacher to help me analyze and analyze what is wrong with him... I treat him so well, give He has so many opportunities, but why doesn't he always cherish it?"

Ding Qi: "Can you describe how you met in love?"

Guan Xiaoyin: "We met on the train. At that time I was deceived by him..."

As soon as she said this, Ding Qi suddenly remembered why he thought this helper was familiar. Four years ago, Ding Qi met Fan Yang and his team on a train for the first time. At that time, Xiao Sha lied that he was a prisoner who had just been commuted and gave an emotional speech in the carriage. , Impressed many people, totaling three thousand and five yuan. The one who gave the most money was the woman in front of her.

At that time, she was wearing heavy makeup and looked very enchanting. Her eyes were red. She took out a stack of banknotes and handed it to Xiaosha. She also said: "A man should do it well, and his wife ran away with someone. It’s okay, as long as you work hard to live your life well, you can find something better! Add a WeChat account, and if you have any difficulties, you can contact me again."

Xiao Sha shook his head at the time and said: "I just came out of prison and haven't bought a mobile phone yet. I don't know how to add WeChat."

The woman said: "It's okay, I will leave you a phone number first, and you can add my WeChat through the number."

She really gave Xiaosha her phone number. Now Ding Qi knows that her name is Guan Xiaoyin and Xiaosha's name is Sha Langzheng. Sometimes I have to say that the value of the face is justice. Xiao Sha is very handsome, strong and straight, with well-defined muscles, handsome facial features and a little rough feeling, which is indeed very attractive to women.

If you change to Xiao Yuan or Xiao Zhu to give a speech like that in the same way, it may cost a lot of money, but the effect may not be as good as Xiao Sha, at least Guan Xiaoyin will not take the initiative to leave a contact number.

Shortly afterwards, Xiaosha took the initiative to add Guan Xiaoyin's WeChat and chatted with her when she couldn't sleep at night. Although she didn't talk much, she was always very considerate. Xiao Sha said that he wanted to ask Guan Xiaoyin for help. Guan Xiaoyin asked him if he wanted to borrow money. Xiao Sha said that he didn't want to borrow money, but wanted to find a cheaper house. It's best to be near the Jinghu District in the city center, not far from his working place. Far.

The two met and had a meal. Xiao Sha also specially paid back the 600 yuan Guan Xiaoyin gave him last time, saying that he had found a job, received a salary, and provided assistance to her. Express thankfulness.

Guan Xiaoyin gave in for a long time, but after all he recovered the six hundred dollars. Xiaosha wants to rent a house in Jinghu District, Guan Xiaoyin lives in Jinghu District and has several houses. She has two houses in a certain community, one for herself, and another one in the same building which is still vacant.

Guan Xiaoyin kindly suggested Xiaosha to live in her empty house for the time being, and not to charge rent. How embarrassed Xiao Sha was and insisted on paying the rent. The two argued for a long time, and finally Guan Xiaoyin insisted not to collect the money. Xiaosha also said, so he can only live temporarily, and he will move out when he finds a more suitable house.

When the meal was over, Xiaosha insisted on asking for a treat in order to express her gratitude. In order to satisfy the self-esteem of the man, Guan Xiaoyin finally let Xiaosha treat her, and regretted that the food she ordered was a bit expensive.

Shortly afterwards, Xiao Sha claimed to have found a suitable house and would move out after signing the contract. In order to express his gratitude, he wanted to invite Guan Xiaoyin to another meal. The two lived in the same building, and Guan Xiaoyin said why go out to eat, and cooked it at home, and then she rarely cooks a meal in her own home.

They both drank a little wine during the meal to celebrate Xiaosha's success in her new life. Guan Xiaoyin tried her best to persuade Xiaosha not to rent another house. It would be nice to continue living like this. She doesn't lack the rent income... …Drinking and drinking, not knowing what to do, the two of them drank to the bed.

This may seem to be this accident, but to be honest, in the eyes of psychologists like Ding Qi, the entry of modern unaccompanied men and women into this situation is simply an inevitable result of evolution, and there has been long-term expectation in the subconscious.

Later, the two of them moved in together and developed into a relationship similar to lovers. Why do you say "similar", because Guan Xiaoyin's heart is always very unreliable, and it is not clear whether he is the object of Xiaosha's formal contacts or a friend who maintains a fixed relationship? She often asks herself a classic question in her heart—Does Xiao Sha really love her?

The first time the two broke up was due to a quarrel, or just a one-sided quarrel, because Xiao Sha did not shout or argue, but rejected Guan Xiaoyin's suggestion. Guan Xiaoyin advised Xiao Sha not to work outside, she could arrange a better job for him, or she could help her in her company altogether.

But Xiao Sha didn't agree, so Guan Xiaoyin angered him and ignored him, and Xiao Sha moved to the empty house downstairs. After a while, Guan Xiaoyin felt unbearable again, so she took the initiative to forgive him, and the two got together again, or they went to bed again.

In the past few years, the relationship between the two has been so divided, reunited, and repeated. Every time when "breaking up", Xiaosha would move back to the empty house downstairs, and after a while, Guan Xiaoyin would again. Decided to give him another chance.

The biggest contradiction between the two is Guan Xiaoyin's belief that Xiaosha lacks a long-term plan for life and has no sense of responsibility, especially for her. On the other hand, the problem that makes Guan Xiaoyin feel the most uneasy is that she often doesn't know what Xiaosha is doing? Xiao Sha works in a marketing company, and will go out for several days every time, but she can't get in touch with her mysteriously.

Guan Xiaoyin suspects that Xiaosha has other women outside. According to her observation and analysis, she did find such signs, but she can't grasp the conclusive evidence... In fact, let's say it, the onlookers listen. She described Xiaosha in two words: scumbag.

Guan Xiaoyin finally said in a crying voice: "I never thought that he was such a person. He didn't tell me many things, and he didn't have any sense of responsibility. Teacher Ding, you are a psychologist. Can you help analyze him? Is there any problem? Can this situation be saved?"

Ding Qi thought for a while, then asked: "You just said that you met him on the train. Your acquaintance was based on a lie, right?"

Guan Xiaoyin nodded and said: "Yes, I learned later that he is not a prisoner at all, and he has not been in jail! But he explained to me that it was employee training conducted by the company’s leaders. He was the best performer and was promoted later. I also helped him at that time."

Ding Qi: "How long did he confess to this matter after you first lived together?"

Guan Xiaoyin: "For more than half a year, after we broke up for the first time, I investigated his situation and found out that he had never been in jail at all. Then I asked him what was going on in the first place, and he explained to me. Of.

I forgive him about this matter, and I don’t mind. Wouldn’t it be better not to have been in jail? But I think he can no longer play with such an unreliable boss, but he always doesn't listen when talking about him. "

Ding Qi: "For your relationship, I would like to know more about it. If it involves personal privacy, please rest assured that we will keep it confidential for the seeker. Although many women say that the promise of a man is not reliable, there is a promise. There is still a difference with no promise. He has maintained this kind of close relationship with you. Has he ever promised the future of both of you?"

Guan Xiaoyin: "No, not a word, this is what disappoints me the most."

Ding Qi: "What do you expect from him, or what do you want him to do for you?"

Guan Xiaoyin: "I don't ask him to do anything for me, as long as he can treat me wholeheartedly and is willing to work hard for me to change. As long as he can do it, I am willing to help him... I said that I am willing to set up a point. The company let him be a man."

Ding Qi: "You have had many quarrels, how many times did he initiate it?"

Guan Xiaoyin: "That’s not the case. His attitude has always been good, and he never quarrels with me actively. But no matter what I say, he still goes his own way. He has not changed at all. Recently, he has become more vigorous than before. God secretly doesn’t know what to do outside, and can’t get in touch for days."

Although Ding Qi only met Xiaosha on the train, he may know more about this person than Guan Xiaoyin. Who is Xiaosha? Fan Yang is a little liar brought out by the liar, and he is the best one among the gang of liars!

Listening to Guan Xiaoyin's description of the relationship between the two, Ding Qi can already draw a conclusion that Xiaosha can be said to have synthesized many characteristics of the so-called prodigal son. Ding Qi’s current concern is whether Xiaosha is playing the so-called red line-fishing gangs in the rivers and lakes. After investigating Guan Xiaoyin’s situation in advance, he came to cheat fortune and swindle. But it's not very similar.

Thinking of this, Ding Qi asked again: "Your financial situation should be very good, and you are willing to spend money on him. Can you tell me how much money you have spent on him over the years?"

Guan Xiaoyin looked a little contradictory and said: "He is not greedy for my money. He returned the six hundred dollars to me the first time I met. It gave me a good impression. I just like him. This In the past few years, he has never actively asked me for money. What I bought for him was not what he asked for."

Ding Qi: "You have been together for more than three years. You have separated and combined several times, but every time you broke up, he lived in the empty house downstairs. That house is also yours. Why not kick him out and stop thinking completely?"

Guan Xiaoyin: "That won't make him homeless, I'm still willing to give him another chance, but he always doesn't cherish it."

Ding Qi: "Can you ask about your emotional experience? Have you met a similar man before?"

This sentence seemed to hit the key point, Guan Xiaoyin suddenly lowered her head and covered her face and started crying, her voice vaguely said: "Why do I always meet..."

Ding Qi took out a pack of tissues, walked over and put it on the coffee table. On another occasion, if you want to comfort the other person, you will pat your shoulders or touch your head, but this is not possible in the psychological clinic. Whether you are of the same **** or the opposite sex, you must resolutely avoid physical contact during the psychological consultation meeting.

Ding Qi sat down in his seat again, without asking any more questions, Guan Xiaoyin wiped away the tears and took the initiative to talk about his emotional experience. She is a kind and caring person, but she always meets "scumbags". Of course Xiaosha is not the first one. He has had an intimate relationship. He may already be seventh or eighth, but the situation is always similar.

But Xiao Sha seems to be the most special one of them. They haven't completely broken the relationship until now, and they have lasted the longest. Not long ago, Guan Xiaoyin and Xiaosha broke up again. She felt completely disappointed, but she was still not reconciled.