Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 1262: The end of the spiral

ps: The long eleven volumes are finally over. Today's temperature can be regarded as summer coming to me. ∽↗Top∽↗Dian∽↗小∽↗ said that Gaochuan’s story will also enter the last volume this summer, the twelfth volume "End of the Spiral".

For this purpose, as long as it can be completed smoothly, it is a victory. What do you think?

In addition, Happy April Fools' Day, two updates today.

Doctor Ruan Li looked at me with penetrating eyes. I have always been sure that in her eyes, I have another image, but the difference in this image is because she lacks too much information and is supplemented by another part of the repeater information. This kind of complement is untrue to me. However, on this evening, she made me feel astonished that the intelligence gap between the two sides is definitely not what I think.

Doctor Ruan Li seems to have to prove that in terms of intelligence, I am the weaker party.

"Because I turned a blind eye?" I couldn't help asking, feeling absurd in my heart, but I couldn't deny the possibility.

In short, in Dr. Ruan Li’s observations, "Gao Chuan" described a complete adventure story in his diary. Although most of the stories are based on the first-person perspective, there is no lack of plots. "Things that Gaochuan didn’t know" described in the third-person perspective of "Gaochuan" is precisely because it was "something that Gaochuan didn’t know." Therefore, after recording this part of the content, it was forgotten by "Gaochuan" himself. The remaining part The story described in the first-person perspective also contains part of the "truth" content, which is ignored by "Gao Chuan".

In psychology cases, deliberately forgetting and ignoring certain things are quite common. Now I am considered to be a mental patient with this kind of trauma-yes, in the report of Dr. Ruan Li, my mental illness is very complicated. There were multiple complications, and every time I was pulled back to "reality" for some reason, I would soon relapse, and when I relapse again. Mental hallucinations will become complex and complete again and again, so that it is increasingly difficult to recognize what is reality.

At present, using the phrase "blind the truth" to describe my situation seems to be the attitude of Dr. Ruan Li.

"Yes, ignore it. It is obvious that the most real situation is in front of you, and you will think that it does not exist." Dr. Ruan Li was not angry, but unexpectedly calm, "But. A Chuan, it's not your fault. You I’m sick, and the source of the disease is even more bizarre than you think. I’ll tell you one by one, even if you’ll forget it soon, now, let’s take a look at your diary. This diary is what you did during this cycle of illness It’s recorded, and you must not remember it. For each disease cycle, your diary will form a relatively complete story line. And this time the story, you have also sorted out the title of each volume."

In the folder opened by Dr. Ruan Li, I saw the name of the story that was full of instant sense, but did not remember when I wrote it down:

"Toilet Talk"

"Bird in a Cage"

"Daily Divide"

"Hells"

"Evil Force"

"Death Between Intermissions"—this volume is marked with an asterisk. It seems to be different from the stories of other volume collections.

"Chaotic Head"

"Doomsday Agent"

"Burning City"

The Crusaders

"The Extraordinary Twins"-this volume is marked "to be continued". According to my understanding, it should be a backup of the diary I am writing now.

A total of eleven volumes, I never remember that I wrote so meticulously. I couldn't help but suspect that it was Dr. Ruan Li who sorted it out by himself.

Doctor Ruan Li opened the document, and in the excerpts she marked, a lot of third-person perspective content did appear. Many of these contents are things that I have a vague impression, but I have no memory at all. The descriptions of Gao Chuan other than myself, and the descriptions of Dorothy and Shise, etc., are beyond imagination and detailed-including In the hospital reality and the doomsday illusion, from the first-person perspective of "I", the things that "is happening" and "has happened" are all on paper.

The problem is that although I don’t remember those stories that were described in the third person from the perspective of these stories, but deduced from the details I still remember, there is a feeling: these third-person stories, It can be a good explanation or make up for what I know, what I vaguely guessed, those situations that have a vague feeling.

As a person involved, I can't express my feelings when it comes to the "things I don't know" in the story.

I feel like a character who has emerged from this huge, complicated and obscure story.

And this story seems to be true, just a story. It’s hard to imagine that I am both the protagonist and the author of the story——

No, I tried to think, using high-dimensional theory, maybe it can be explained. But why do you have to prove this situation?

Because it was so shocking, I couldn't even make a sound.

"Look, you are as omniscient as a god. No, it should be said that after you acted as a **** and filled the setting, you forgot about it and returned to the identity of a story character." Dr. Ruan Li said, "I have analyzed the characters inside, and I seem to have few appearances, but, to put it bluntly, don't you think that the Jiang you care about the most is actually shaped by me?" /

My brain spins so fast, I feel like I must say something, but there is nothing in my hot brain. Instead, there was such an idea that flashed through my mind: I shouldn't have been shocked by these circumstances.

No, it should be said that I have experienced so many incredible adventures, encountered different people, and understood the cognition generated by observing the world from different angles. There are already enough things that should be shocking. Today, everything that Dr. Ruan Li said is incredible, but it shouldn’t be enough to shock oneself.

Yes, I think, although Dr. Ruan Li’s knowledge of me and his expression of “truth” are novel, it shouldn’t be such that I can’t even say a word.

Thinking about it though. However, in my mind, apart from this idea, nothing else can be thought of.

I couldn't help being silent.

When should I be silent?

I don’t know what kind of attitude I should show, and fiercely oppose Dr. Ruan Li’s statement? What's the point? Dr. Ruan Li would not think it was wrong just because I said it was wrong. And I don’t have any evidence to prove her error. The information recorded in Gaochuan’s diary filed in this laptop, without mentioning right or wrong, has completely surpassed everything that I can obtain from my personal perspective. What I know, what I don't know, have been described in quite detail, even if the "things I don't know" are forced to be considered fictional, Dr. Ruan Li's cognition based on these fictional content. It is also wrong, but how to prove that these "things I don't know" are wrong?

No, I think I'm a little confused, and I don't need to prove it wrong at all. Because, Dr. Ruan Li’s point of view is. So far I think the truth, the mystery involved. All are just my own fantasy stories, and I have recorded the story completely. These diary documents have to prove only this:

The intelligence I rely on is all fictitious. There is no basis for persuading others, and no basis for letting myself see the truth, because in a mentally ill state, I will always subconsciously ignore and forget the details that can prove that all of this is fictitious. Therefore, no matter how ridiculous it is, I can't recognize from the spiritual consciousness that this ridiculous shouldn't exist. On the contrary, I will make up for the ridiculousness by thinking and fantasizing.

Is this the joke the fool thinks? It was too cold and too cruel. I don't want to believe it, I want to refute it, but because I have too many thoughts and too messy, I can't sort out the things I want to express.

Although I admit that I am a mental patient, I still feel extremely miserable to accept that this degree of mental illness is a fact that I have to face. Even so, the feeling deep in my heart... seems to tell me that this is the case. All that I have experienced is actually just my own "creation". Moreover, this creation is not original, but a second creation based on what Dr. Ruan Li told me.

Wait a minute, based on the story of Dr. Ruan Li? My thoughts paused here. Then, escape from the blank chaos. I no longer think about how I should refute Dr. Ruan Li's statement, and what evidence I can find to prove my correctness.

I remembered the last sentence that Dr. Ruan Li said before staring at me quietly: Isn’t the "Jiang" in your diary a character created based on me?

Let me sort it out:

First of all, I have always believed that this repeater world is a huge temporary data hedging space attached to the doomsday illusion, and it can exist because of the support of the "spiritual integration device". The reason why the world is like this is deeply connected with the existence of Dr. Ruan Li, and Dr. Ruan Li may be the "relay core."

Secondly, Dr. Ruan Li has never appeared in the doomsday illusion outside. The reason why she appears here is because she is also infected with Doomsday Syndrome in the "Hospital Reality". However, the "Hospital Reality" Dr. Ruan Li in the middle and Dr. Ruan Li in front of him cannot be completely equated. The latter is just a kind of existence similar to a "mental personality projection" after being infected with a "virus". Assuming that she is the "repeator core", then this extremely special identity makes it difficult to imagine how her situation in the "hospital reality" at this time is different from that of ordinary doomsday syndrome patients. Whether it still maintains a human form, connects to the doomsday illusion through the color center, etc., if you don't personally return to the "hospital reality", it is difficult to determine.

Then, under the above premise, Dr. Ruan Li does not have a direct relationship with "Jiang". On the contrary, his identity in the repeater world is likely to be determined by a "virus".

Yes, this is what I know about Dr. Ruan Li in front of me.

However, if you look at the current situation according to what Dr. Ruan Li said, the previous situation is almost reversed:

First of all, everything that Dr. Ruan Li said in front of him is based on "this repeater world is actually the real world". If this Las Vegas repeater transformed by the Nazis is not the real real world, then what she said is the assertion. You don't need to care too much. So, is there any evidence to prove that this repeater world is a temporary data hedge space attached to the doomsday illusion, rather than the real world? I thought it was, but it was broken by the diary file in the laptop. Because my evidence and my perception are based on the fact that those diaries are "real experiences" rather than "fantasy experiences." The practice of Dr. Ruan Li did not prove whether this repeater world was "real", but to prove that "Gao Chuan" wrote a diary based on his experience and knowledge, and the "truth" recorded in it. . All are hallucinations.

I can’t just admit that Dr. Ruan Li has done this, but even if I don’t think about it, but only feel it, I can’t deny that the situation she said is not “absolutely absurd”. It's not "nonsense", put aside my cognition. It is theoretically possible to think only from the perspective of "mental patients". On the contrary, my thinking direction, as she said, was trying to prove the absurdity of her rhetoric, but it seemed to prove it. There must be truth in this.

Secondly, Dr. Ruan Li said that I can't control my spirit and thinking direction. Once I think about it, it must be done from the perspective of avoiding the truth and making up for the flaws. And this statement has a convincing basis-precisely because the patient cannot control himself. Cannot treat myself effectively, so more professional doctors are needed.

I remembered the question Dr. Ruan Li asked me earlier: "Do you believe me?"

I think she raised this question to me from a very complicated angle, and in this angle, the relationship between doctors and patients must occupy a lot of weight. Isn't it what doctors need most to make patients believe in themselves? On the other hand, the treatment for the psychological and spiritual needs this trust more than the general medical treatment.

If I trust Dr. Ruan Li, then of course I will follow her statement and re-understand the world from her perspective.

And if I don’t trust Dr. Ruan Li, then, no matter how true her previous statement is, I will only think in the direction of "Everything she says is nonsense."

When I think about this, all the worries and anxieties in my heart calm down all at once.

I raised my head and glanced at Dr. Ruan Li, she didn't avoid it. I glanced at the time again, it was almost midnight. The soundproofing of the room is very good, and there is no sound from outside, but this silence is not deserted and frightening. It is this silence that makes Dr. Ruan Li's sense of existence, and his own sense of existence, become stronger than ever.

As if the whole world, at this moment, there were only two people left.

I can hear my breathing, and I even feel that my previous swelling emotions and thoughts have made my skin burn, and the doctor Ruan Li on the other side can also feel it.

I couldn't help but pull the collar and loosen the top button.

I have never been certain that "I have mastered the truth of the world", but because it is impossible to be certain, all clues involving the "truth of the world" are actually not important.

The important thing is that I believe in the "hospital reality", Dr. Ande and Dr. Ruan Li there, or, I believe Dr. Ruan Li in front of me.

There is no doubt that if only the contact time is considered, the former is much earlier. And this advantage makes the former more realistic, and from the perspective of the former, you can also give a relatively complete explanation of everything you have encountered.

The timing of the latter’s appearance was too awkward, and, from my personal point of view, it was a little late. There are undoubtedly many disadvantages, but these disadvantages do not prove "true" and "false" ". Just as before, if you just turn your perspective of looking at things a little bit, you will find that Dr. Ruan Li's explanation is also complete now.

Furthermore, if I choose to believe in Dr. Ruan Li in front of me, she will probably explain from more angles, "this repeater world is the real world" and then understand the "hospital reality" and " Doomsday illusion". And the situations she said, including the mysterious organization of Doomsday Shinrikyo that was once considered a cult, there must be a huge deviation from my perception.

There is a huge contradiction between the truth of Dr. Ruan Li and the reality of the hospital. And when one's own perception is based on this truth, it is inevitable to choose to believe one party and deny the other party. Even if one party cannot be completely denied, trusting the other party will inevitably lead to the invalidation of many intelligences of the untrusted party.

For example. Under the assumption that the "hospital reality" is true, "Jiang" can be inferred to be a variant of "virus".

And if you believe in the current Doctor Ruan Li, then, as she said before, "Jiang" may be a heroine of the story created using her image as a template—in fact, I have been until now. It’s hard to associate Dr. Ruan Li with "Jiang" in front of me, but because she mentioned this point, when she recalls the little things about getting along with "Jiang", she really feels a little bit similar. .

"What is Jiang? Do you know? Mom." I couldn't help but say.

"You wrote it very clearly in your diary, didn't you? I understand your setting of it very well." Dr. Ruan Li said, "Although its template contains some of my image, but the composition of it Elements. It’s still very complicated. I can also understand this complexity, and I’m even more aware of its non-human side and what inspired it. I’ve already said that the stories you wrote, the design The setting and plot arrangement actually have a prototype, and I know this prototype very well."

"I fell in love with Jiang. Don't you think..." I didn't finish.

"It's okay." Dr. Ruan Li said calmly: "A Chuan, a large part of the emotions you express in your diary is the expression of the Oedipus complex. Substitute my figure into the imaginary lover you have created. On the contrary, it is your most normal performance. The likes, trusts and guardians you express make me very happy. Therefore, Achuan, you don’t need to be embarrassed."

Doctor Ruan Li said so, and I don't want to say to her, "I don't believe what you said, I don't have any feelings for you".

I was silent. Suddenly, I have to change my perspective of understanding the world. I believe that including "Jiang", I have loved and worked hard. Everything that made me and changed me is nothing but the fantasy of a mental patient. It is a non-existent fiction, and it is simply impossible to do it. I feel that I can't do it. As Dr. Ruan Li said, my thinking is always trying to prove that everything Dr. Ruan Li said is odd and even wrong and fictitious.

"Do you believe me? A Chuan." Dr. Ruan Li asked again, she had no extra questions, her eyes were calm and full of penetrating power, letting people know that she understood the reason for all the hesitation and silence in front of her. However, it will not give up pressing hard. She once said that such a drastic method will cause great harm to the patient, and the results obtained will become more risky. She gave up on me a long time ago. Even when facing most patients, they tend to prefer gentle treatments rather than stimulating treatments.

So, why did she change her gentle attitude and use such a stimulating and direct way again?

I can't tell whether she was on the spur of the moment, or she planned it a long time ago. Or, is there something that stimulated her during the journey of this seminar. Even if I recalled the details of the past, I couldn't find the reason for her sudden intention. I can only think that she had premeditated and decided long ago. When she took me to this seminar, she took this approach.

Then again, the reason she brought me here is not just to treat me better?

"You are hesitating, it’s okay, I can understand it, because it’s not your fault. You can’t control yourself, and the reason why you can’t control yourself is also very complicated. It’s because you can’t solve it by yourself. I need a doctor like me." Dr. Ruan Li said, "But, from your diary, all I see is despair. Although Gao Chuan has been working hard, he still finds a solution to the problem. Believe in what you love, but the inhuman'Jiang'...'Jiang' has my shadow, you can love it, I am very happy to believe in it, but why not try to believe that it is right in front of your eyes What about me? Maybe you can find another way to save the world from this trust."

"Save the world?" I was a little stunned, "Trust you, and then save the world? Didn't you say that everything in the diary is fictional?"

"It is fictitious~IndoMTL.com~ However, there are prototypes." Dr. Ruan Li's expression became more serious, and his eyes became sharp. Reality, nothing happened, right?"

"What do you mean?" I hesitated, because she mentioned a very serious situation that made my diary and her truth begin to be in line.

"I don't think you can save the world, Achuan." Dr. Ruan Li said: "But the end of the world exists. Now, in 1999, the end of the world has already begun."

My eyes are combined, what she said about the end of the world is different from the repeater doomsday process that I observe from the perspective of "hospital reality" and "doomsday fantasy", but it is not complete. no connection.

The doomsday exists.

So--

"Trust me, become an agent of the doomsday, and then, try to be a hero. A Chuan." Dr. Ruan Li said.

……(To be continued...)