Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 1274: Things outside the mind

The news from Dr. Ruan Li is not all good. ⊙Four ⊙Five ⊙Chinese ⊙Text ●⌒, although I continue to worry, constantly thinking, constantly sorting out clues, trying to find the best way to deal with it. However, when mystery events have fermented, what I have to face is always emergencies and dilemmas. Of course, I will also envisage the best and the worst, put out all the possibilities that I can think of, make a plan, and also do a good job in dealing with the unfavorable situation. Preparation for consequences. I bear the consciousness of every decision I make. However, as a human, I cannot imagine every turn in the mysterious event, nor can I estimate the lower limit of the worst-case scenario. When I have to use my consciousness to face what I have Even if you do not regret the unexpected results, the pain and sorrow in your heart cannot be stopped.

More than half of the patients who took the new drugs in the seminar died. Dr. Ruan Li did not tell me the death rate of ordinary patients who took the new drugs and the fate of other side effects although they did not die. Dr. Ruan Li's perception of me lying on the bed at this time is that "Gao Chuan is also a routine patient taking a new drug", but for me, there are other explanations.

From the perspective of this repeater world, from the cognitive perspective of Dr. Ruan Li, to look at the interpretation of any situation, and from the perspective of other worlds, the cognitive perspective of other people, and even your own cognition In terms of perspective, the explanations obtained are different and even completely opposite, incomparably contradictory.

In the opinion of Dr. Ruan Li, although I have regained consciousness, my body is still weak. But in my opinion, it is not my body that is weak, but my spirit and my mind. The sequelae of the previous blows. It still remains in my brain, no, it should be said that it is not just the "brain" which is a biologically subjective part of thinking, but a more specific way of thinking, memory remnants and even the foundation for constructing my own spirit— -Thought.

I can’t explain my current situation in detail. Probably because I have too little knowledge. It does not have enough theories and vocabulary to describe these problems.

The reason why I think there is no problem with my body is because the magic pattern on the right hand is conveying a lively, active and strong feeling. This feeling is like a flow of heat, flowing along every muscle, blood vessel and nerve, and even gives me an illusion, as if this magic pattern is still injecting information into my brain. As for what information it is, it is completely impossible to dig out through brain activity.

I think this is an illusion, but it is so realistic that it is. Considering my own situation, I have to consider that it may be true.

In this mysterious world, all things that are impossible in my understanding and in the theories I know may exist. So, when I thought it was an illusion, it was actually happening. Of course it is also possible.

I can’t organize my thoughts and think deeply. I can't connect the clues remaining in my mind in a logical way. I know that I have the memory that caused all of this before me. However, this memory surging uncontrollably, like hot magma. There was a roaring sound and rolling, and these sounds, impressions, and feelings were definitely not a problem with the five senses. But it only exists in the mind, whether it is actively thinking or not, it always exists.

In the opinion of Dr. Ruan Li, this is a sequelae, which belongs to the impact of the drug on the brain's nerves. To make it calm, in addition to continuing to take some drugs, you can only rely on the body's own recovery ability. At present, neither Dr. Nguyen Li nor the seminar have the ability to create a specific medicine for this side effect. From the perspective of the seminar, some energy may be allocated to study these side effects in order to obtain more data from clinical trials of new drugs, but its greater energy has always been on how to start from the new route that has been found. A breakthrough in the research of "paradise".

Yes, Dr. Ruan Li told me: “The clinical trial of the new drug has ended. After the seminars have absorbed experience and lessons, they have new ideas. Newly developed drugs will follow the failure brought about by this failure. It’s not a continuation of the new drug’s route. The drugs they developed afterwards were theoretically closer to what they wanted, but regardless of the nature of the drug, the way the drug acts, and even the possible effects, it will be in line with the new drug. There is a difference. Simply put, the remanufactured drugs and the new drugs taken by the patients in the past are no longer a series of links between the past and the future."

Dr. Ruan Li will also participate in the new research, but in private, although Dr. Ruan Li is not the only one, the expert who conducts further research on new drugs may be the most dedicated expert in this regard. Because of me, Dr. Ruan Li wanted to create specific drugs that can work for patients currently taking new drugs, as well as more in-depth improved drugs. Dr. Ruan Li believes that the route of the new drug itself is wrong, but because someone has taken it and produced a certain effect, the patients cannot just be given up.

When the topic turned to me, she said: “In fact, the new medicine does not conform to my philosophy, but it does not bring those terrible side effects. Achuan, its effect on you, and other The effect is different on the patients in the routine diagnosis."

"Where is the difference?" I couldn't think, but I just habitually followed the words of Dr. Ruan Li to ask questions, "Do you think that part of my changes at this time is benign?"

"Yes." Dr. Ruan Li nodded cautiously, "According to observations these days, your brain waves are a bit messy, but your activity level has decreased."

"Isn't this bad news?" I said, "I am sick. This is a manifestation of weakness."

"Only part of it. For ordinary people, such a change is indeed bad news, but for you, it is not exactly like this." The degree is too intense, as if you have been in a state of extreme excitement. But even at that time, your brain waves are not coherent, orderly, and smooth. Put it this way, the past you, the brain is like It will overheat and crash at any time."

This is the first time I have heard of this.

"I believe you also feel that you can't control your own thinking." Dr. Ruan Li said: "Not only can you not control your own thinking, you can't actually organize your own memory. Even, all your split personality, In fact, you can’t control your nerves and brain. The behaviors you thought from the heart in the past may not be what you want to do."

"Stop kidding. Mom." I couldn't help interrupting Dr. Ruan Li. Said: "I have always known what I am doing. Although I may not be able to distinguish between the illusion and the reality, I am really trying to distinguish. I am very sure that I love you."

Doctor Ruan Li was silent for a while, did not argue, just nodded. but I know. She insisted on her statement. In her eyes, I was such a child who couldn't control herself—in fact, I also understand that from some perspectives, she was right. However, whether wrong or not, I must move forward in this situation. Know how bad your situation is, know how bad your situation is in the eyes of others. Knowing these things is actually useless for changing these things.

If you know it, you can change it. Of course, this argument is justified.

However, if you know it, you can't change it. This situation also exists objectively.

So far, no one can change the problems that have occurred to me. This is not just a question of ability, but also a question of time.

I know. What an existence beyond human imagination to make me like this. It seems to gradually reveal the tip of the iceberg. But now, I am not even sure whether this tip of the iceberg is also an illusion.

"Next time, I will be solely responsible for your medication. I have already obtained this authority." Dr. Ruan Li said.

"Is it because too many patients died in the routine examination?" I couldn't help laughing, "I have to make concessions at the seminar?"

"You don't need to think about these things. Just rest assured."

Say so. She didn’t intend to continue the topic, took the file out of the archive, and said to me: "Before you went into a coma, you recorded some interesting things. Do you remember?"

Of course I remember, although I still can’t refresh myself. Something has been blocking the brain, and when you think about it, it will be filled with a bunch of messy things. But I still remember that at the moment before the coma, I wrote down something with pen and paper. However, at this moment, Dr. Ruan Li looked at me calmly as if he did not believe it. After a while, he seemed to have made a decision. Put those pages of paper on the bedside and said to me: "You It’s best to take a look and maybe get some hints."

"What's the tip?" I was a little puzzled because she said too vaguely.

"Perhaps, even you would not believe what you wrote. In the past, you have always believed in the contents of your diary, but I am not sure. You will continue to believe it." Dr. Ruan Li said : "This is what a real madman can describe."

"What if I will continue to believe it?" I know that what I wrote in my diary will definitely not be approved by Dr. Ruan Li. The reason why Dr. Ruan Li looked through it, looking for the symbolic hint behind the story.

"If you choose to believe what is recorded in these pages, you will doubt the past diaries. But if you believe in the diaries, you will not approve of writing the content described in these papers." Dr. Li Li said: " There is a serious conflict between the two, which reflects your self-contradiction at this time."

"You are too esoteric. Mom." I couldn't help complaining.

"Maybe." Doctor Ruan Li smiled and got up from his chair, "Well, I'm here this time just to see your condition. Now that you have woken up, it looks like I'm not crazy, so I can feel relieved for the time being."

"Going so soon?" I couldn't help but stay.

"Time is pressing. I still have many experiments to organize. It is not that simple to use the equipment and resources of the seminar. I must seize every time and opportunity." Dr. Ruan Li said.

"Then, tell me, Mom." I asked her very seriously: "In your eyes, has my overall condition worsened or improved?" I think this is what she has been Avoid talking about things.

Sure enough, Dr. Ruan Li hesitated before repliing after a while: "The possibility of deterioration is greater. A Chuan, I hope you can be prepared." Her tone was painful, making me feel like she was like It is telling a terminally ill patient that he has reached an advanced stage.

Doctor Ruan Li has been saying good things to me. Although there is a lot of bad news, he uses words to make people feel that it is not so bad. However. I understand that this last sentence is her most sincere thought, and it is also the last thought she wants to say, but it is the last thought she wants to hide.

Be able to frankly confess to the patient "You have a terminal illness, and you will die soon." It is one of the persistence she values ​​most as a doctor.

Perhaps, saying this to the patient is also a very painful thing for the frank speaker. Dr. Ruan Li's face flashed such a heavy pain.

"Gao Chuan will not die, mother." I just smiled and comforted her and said, "Before fulfilling his wish, Gao Chuan will not give up, nor will he die. For Gao Chuan, despair is not stopping. The reason for the footsteps, and the search for hope, is one of the reasons why Gao Chuan exists. Mom, you have read the diary, maybe for you, everything in the story is not true, but I think. You can understand that in the story What kind of person is Gaochuan in the end?"

Doctor Ruan Li suddenly stepped forward. Hug me and say: "I know, I know. Good boy, as long as you don't give up, I won't give up." After that, let me go. Walked out the door without looking back. During the observation of the chain determination, she turned and touched the wall outside the door, covering her face and crying quietly. I think I can experience some of her feelings, but I can't really appreciate the deepest emotion in her heart at this time. How sore were her tears at this time. For me, it is completely impossible to taste the taste.

I can only respond with a smile in front of her, and use the most authentic and strong language to infect her, so that she can understand that I am not such a sad person. Yes, the pain and sorrow that I feel in my heart is born out of the situation of others, but for myself in the same situation, the pain and sorrow are not so profound. I think I am sad, hypocritical, and incurable, but I don't think I should feel sad and painful for myself. Because, I clearly know what I am doing and what efforts I have put in. Of course, maybe the result has not been sweet and too many mistakes have occurred. However, for this person who knows what I want to do, and at the same time put in the effort. For myself, I am proud and proud.

The mistakes of the past, the mistakes of the present, the mistakes that will appear in the future, and all kinds of failures, unforeseen tragedies, are not the reasons why I hate myself, hate myself, and think that I should despair. I am quite sure that in my life, I am full of all kinds of confusion, mysterious attacks, the apostasy of relatives and friends, and even the ever-slipping future, all of which will suddenly make me feel deeply frustrated at a certain moment. Sense, but these are also not the reasons for me to stop and doubt myself.

If you do something wrong, you have to pay a price. I agree with this sentence. I don’t know if I’m wrong, but I’ve done it well. If I’m really wrong, then I must bear the cost of consciousness, but before I’m proven to be wrong, I’ll still follow my own ideas. As for, how can you prove that you are wrong? The answer is also very simple. When the price comes and makes me completely desperate, it must be the punishment for my wrongdoing.

On the other hand, since I am not desperate, I am still struggling, I have not given up, I am still working hard, and there is a plan that is being completed, and I am still trying to save something, then, what can prove that I am wrong What about?

Death and despair are completely different to Gao Chuan. The hope passed down through death has always been displayed in front of my eyes, and myself, I am just one link of the torch of hope, which may be the last link or the middle link. In this case, death may prove my mistake, but it cannot prove the mistake of "Gaochuan".

But now, I am not dead yet.

In the opinion of Dr. Ruan Li, maybe I am already ill, but as long as I have not died, the possibility still exists. In theory, what should be, to me, only has reference value, but does not have the final value.

My heart rhythm gradually returned to normal, and I forcibly put all my bad feelings behind, and started to check the diary left by Dr. Ruan Li. These are scattered and crazy words scribbled on a few pieces of paper. Between the lines, the handwriting, the format and the content, the whole piece of paper with the text, the visual shapes presented are all the first time, let me realize how crazy I have fallen into when I write these things. Reading these words, I gradually awakened more memories and feelings at the time.

I initially thought that when I wrote these things, I still had the last intellect. It was these intellects that gave me the idea of ​​recording, and before coma, I would write in the most concise words possible. The most content. But when I re-examined it at this time, I immediately understood why Dr. Ruan Li had that expression and that kind of statement when he mentioned this content.

Indeed, it now seems that all this is like the babbling of a crazy person who has completely lost his mind, without any credible reasons, and no symbolic clues can be found at all. The only certainty is that the person who wrote the content was already crazy at the time. As for the reason for his madness, his morbidity at the time, and his psychological trajectory, he no longer needs to care about it, and it is impossible to include it in such a text. found.

"The separation between the concept and the reality leads to the independent existence of the concept?" In my mind, the feelings and thoughts at the time, or the content that has been stuffed into my mind. Now that I come back to my senses, it is still hard to imagine that I would have such thoughts at the time. However, from the perspective of "mystery", people have to care about it.

Things outside of thought, a kind of existence formed by the aggregation of the corresponding concepts because of the concepts of "thought" and "wise." No, it shouldn't even be said to exist, but something that exists only in fantasies, without reason, and meaningless. As a human being, one can imagine such a thing, but it is completely impossible to define what kind of thing it is. How to be sure that it really exists?

However, the thought that suddenly became me by force at that time was like the feeling of being raped and nurturing something, but it was indeed like it was not spontaneously produced by me, but by being guided to produce it. My cognition cannot explain this situation. However, just from the perspective of feeling, it is as if everything that happened in the past is to produce such a kind of thinking and produce such a conceptual cognition. And this cognition also makes me feel distorted at the same time.

I can feel the distortion of my thoughts and accept this distortion-this is a very contradictory experience.

If the cognition of "things outside the mind" is not derived from self-cognition, but a cognition bred by external forces, then I can only think of the culprit leading to all this It is "virus" and "jiang".

Originally, since "things outside the mind" is defined as such a purely relative concept, it itself cannot be recognized, understood, or even observed. For people, there should be no difference between existence and non-existence. But now, it is indeed affecting the people I have observed~IndoMTL.com~ Through the observation of this influence, it can be said that it does exist.

This is a very strange feeling: if the researchers in the initial hospital did not connect those symptoms together and attribute them to the "virus", then the "virus" would not exist, and those symptoms would not have such deep It is called the "Doomsday Syndrome" by the same name. This means that if the actual people in the hospital at that time did not mention the existence of the "virus", but followed the normal method to treat those conditions, nothing would happen.

However, when the concept of "virus" emerged, everything changed. When people try to find the "virus", they have already confirmed the existence of the "virus". And this confirmation seems to be transforming into the reason and root of the existence of the "virus".

Various diseases are integrated into "Doomsday Syndrome", and "Doomsday Syndrome" is considered to be the result of infection with "virus". These diseases that have long been recognized by people, after being integrated, produce malignant changes that even experts are helpless.

If we combine this malignant change with my situation at this time, it is more like-the "virus" is trying to appear in front of people in a more practical and specific way, and this is causing all of this. The reason for this is simply because some people have confirmed the existence of the "virus" from an absurd perspective in a certain way of association. (To be continued...)