Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 1982: As if watching, as being watched

I know that one eye is staring at me. This eye comes from "Jiang", from "virus", from existences that seem to have nothing to do with the two. They seem to be different, but the eyes are the same. Of course, whether the "eyes" I know are real eyes or not has yet to be proven: but the function of this "eye" at least includes the functions of the "eyes" I know. Every day, every night, no matter when and where, every time when I fall into the deepest nightmare, this "eye" will appear. At first it was just like the thing in a dream, an unreal thing. After waking up, I don’t remember things clearly. Gradually, it becomes a kind of intermittent illusion, and sometimes even if my mind is awake, it will produce the illusion of "it is there".

I often have to ignore its existence in order to face a life that is already full of weirdness, confusion, horror, pain and sadness with a calm and calm attitude. I still don't feel that I can really forget it, I just force myself not to care about it. However, in recent days, I have become more and more aware of its existence.

It will appear when I think about it.

It will appear when I write a diary.

It will appear when I don't think about anything.

When it appears, no one can see it, and probably no one can be sure whether it exists or not-even if it is myself, I still feel that the idea of ​​"it really exists" is kind of ridiculous. , No, it is not ridiculous, but when I think of this, I feel a little scared. I must use "ridiculous" to cover up this fear from the heart.

It does not exist in the form of a physical phenomenon that can be observed by humans, nor can it be described by a specific imagination born from consciousness. It is more like a conclusion born from self-philosophical thinking. Specific description, but, I know, when I feel it exists, then if I can't get rid of it, then it will become more and more real.

It chased me all the time, staring at me, as if it was trying to get something from me—I could feel that it was not "capture" but "acquisition". The difference between the two terms is so subtle, but when I look for the feeling from it, the difference is so obvious.

When it is looking at me, I will have a thought: Ah, even if I am not in front of the world, but the world has always known me, this eye is not the world’s, but the world is because of some The profound factors have been closely connected with it.

I feel like an actor on a stage. There are so many audiences under the stage, but there is only a small invisible outline that can’t distinguish their individuality. I can’t distinguish between these audiences. Mind, all the factors that allow me to speculate about these audiences can't be observed by me.

Sometimes I think, this is too unfair, only they can see me through the connection with that eye, but I cannot see them in the same way in reverse. But at this time, I felt that even if they saw me, they couldn't really understand what they saw came from me, or what happened to me. These audiences are actually just a group of blind people.

I can’t prove everything I have said, so the diary I wrote is probably the babble of a mental patient in the eyes of others. However, even if I admit that I have mental problems, I don’t want people to use other Look at me with such a look, so I treat these as long-form "adventure diaries" to narrate.

I often write down diaries, and often look through the diaries I wrote down, every day, every night, every moment...

My name is Gaochuan, and I am going somewhere. I don't know where I will arrive, just follow the guidance of my feelings and keep walking. Apart from knowing that I will arrive at a certain place, and that place is where I must go, everything else is vague. This goal is so vague, I can’t tell where the feeling of guiding myself comes from. I think it’s "Jiang" in my body, guiding me with a voice that I can't hear but can feel, and I feel it, It stared at me with that "eye" again. So strong, calm, and deep, but at the same time hot. It is always deforming. Whenever I encounter a problem, it can always deform in a way that I can’t understand, and everything it does, only from what I can observe, is not always “saving”. "mine.

In the final analysis, I never expect anyone to extend a rescue hand to me, because I already feel that my role is not to be saved by others, but to save others-this idea comes from time to time For a long time, self-deception from the beginning has gradually become a matter of course. I don’t think this is bad, nor do I think other people are qualified to criticize or deny me at this point, because all those who will criticize and deny me must live in an enviable, without mystery and Weird, at least it can be talked about in a peaceful life circle.

Look, if I really need to criticize and deny, first of all, how unfortunate are you?

Unfortunately, it is qualification.

The road is not peaceful, and my heart has never been calm, but if I say I am anxious, or at a loss, it is not at all. My thoughts, emotions, and all the irrational parts are boiling, and there is no moment to calm down. However, the peace I find from this boiling is a deep peace, as if sinking from the surface of the sea, gradually sinking into ten thousand meters. There is no pressure on the bottom of the sea, but the light is gone, the noise is gone, everything seems to have melted, and it has become a part of the sea, it has become a part of the seabed stone, and it has become a bubble from the seabed volcano. a part of.

I still remember what I was like in the past, before I died-I am not saying that I am not alive now, but that death brought such a strong thing, and made everything after that relatively become Soothed up. I know that I am changing, and that death is like a dividing line. I am changing into something I have never thought of before.

I walked out of the thick pipe, and there were a large number of intricate pipes extending in all directions in front of me. Where I was standing, there was nothing but pipes, and there was no place where people could stand. The gaps between the pipes and the pipes are large or small. The large ones are hundreds of meters wide. The small ones are large enough to allow a person to lie down and drill through the gaps. In the end, only a piece of darkness can be seen. There is nothing in the darkness, as if as long as you jump down and not fall on another pipe, but through these gaps, you will fall endlessly.

The thickest pipe I have seen here is at least one kilometer in diameter. I walk along the cross section, and even the arc looks straight. I have heard dense sounds from these pipes more than once, like something running at a very high frequency. If it is in a pipe where only one person can pass, the sense of quantity brought by these sounds is like a whole long train.

I didn’t open the channel, so I don’t know what is going through my feet. My curiosity is not as strong as it used to be. My involuntary imagination and thinking, and the messy thoughts, are almost full. My brain can't tell curiosity any more.

Then, I knew it so naturally, I was not far from the "certain destination" where I didn't know what it was and what was there. It can even be said that I have stepped into the scope of this "certain destination". This range is so large, I feel that even if I pass through this space in a straight line, even if there is no accident, it will take a long time-if you use the speed sweep super power, the time will be greatly shortened, but I need to use speed sweep The length that can be organized is also enough to make people breathtaking.

I vaguely know what I will encounter here. And the other person is also the person I expect to see at this time. I’m not sure, I can do something, because I don’t think I need to do anything anymore. The things I can do have already been done when I die. After destroying two repeaters not long ago, it has really been done. The rest of my time is not as colorful as the other me, the other Gaochuan. All I need to do is to wait.

Everything will be carried out in the game, and all the games will reach the result of the established script, and when the script result is reached, it is also when my plan reaches the end-the winner will be divided quickly, starting from " In terms of the sense of time of "human", it is probably an instant. As described by the theory of the origin of the cosmic explosion, in an infinitely small time and space, without a process, a sudden explosive and decisive result will be produced.

Before that, I don't need to do anything. It can even be said that it is correct not to do anything, and to receive all that comes from other people's games.

From this point of view, I also want to thank other people and non-people who are playing games, including those I know, those I love, and even those who are myself.

Quickly, quickly, with such a mood, I walked up a small hill made of tangled pipes. Standing at this place that is not the highest observation point, you can see higher things upwards, and you can look down to things that extend to the end of the field of vision but are still incomplete. Pale, gray iron, metallic and non-metallic textures, seemingly flashes of various colors, slowly spread out in the field of vision, and then, in this field of vision, a small thing attracted my attention .

I don't know what it is. I can't see clearly. It feels like a long line of ants, guarding the middle, making people feel the importance of the unclear thing in the middle. During the march of this group of "ants", a familiar and solemn sensation that makes people feel very uncomfortable, full of erosion and an unusual sense of ritual emanated. I knew right away where did this sense of ritual come from: the sacrificial ritual of Doomsday Shinrikyo.

Although it cannot be confirmed at once, this group of "ants" comes from Doomsday Shinrikyo-in my memory and the deepest knowledge, the wizards of Doomsday Shinrikyo will always bring this kind of ritual. In many cases, every move of these wizards is like telling others that it has existed for such a ritual and such a sacrifice in its entire life.

The Doomsday Truth cult is a cult. It has no human nature and does not follow human principles, but has its own nature and principles. As a human being, I think every action and every action has a natural and profound humanity. All The cognition can only start from the perspective of human cognition. The perspective of looking at and understanding everything is also human-oriented, and it is impossible to imagine what is not human nature. But when these things appear, Precisely because of the absolute point of distinction, it will leave a very deep impression.

The smell of the group of "ants" in front of me is confused with the smell of Doomsday Shinrikyo. I know what it means: these things are so far away that I can’t see what they are, even if It is not the doomsday truth cult, nor is it inseparable from the doomsday truth cult. What they are doing must be inspired by the doomsday truth cult, or be taught by it. And what they are doing is absolutely inhumane, and the result of what they are doing must be no benefit to "people", but has a considerable promotion effect on the theme of the Doomsday Truth cult.

They are enemies.

However, I have nothing to do, which means that from the perspective of looking at my plan rationally~IndoMTL.com~I don’t need to treat them as enemies anymore-when all people and non- When people’s games are practicing their own plans, they are also driving my plans. From this point of view, even these things that are closely related to the Doomsday Truth are doing inhuman things and achieving something. The result of this inhuman interest promotes the theme of Doomsday Truth, and it also fundamentally promotes my plan.

However, I know very well that I am not a person who acts entirely rationally.

Rather, whether it is before or after death, I have always been a self-proclaimed rational person, but the actual sensibility is greater than the rational person.

My sensibility cannot make me ignore this ceremony.

Rituals require sacrifices, and no matter what the sacrifices are, just becoming a sacrifice itself is what I think is an injustice.

I can no longer judge how much of what I have done is also unjust. I am also very clear that my definition of justice is so subjective. However, I am quite sure that I want to save the sacrifice that I don't know who is in front of me, just as I have done in the past.

Speed, kill, rescue-this routine is already familiar.