Restricted Doomsday Syndrome Chapter 376: Individual consciousness

I deleted all the information sent by Dorothy. If I hadn't used this computer system before and didn't understand its commands, I would even want to format the entire disk. Pull Niu Niu m{http:

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Upload updates from friends} Although it is conceivable that Dorothy will encrypt data and transmissions of course, but this does not ensure 100% security. If our communication is detected by the hospital, it will affect the future life and their lives. What kind of variables does the action bring? Thinking more deeply, Dorothy and the others would have anticipated a leak, and have they prepared a plan to deal with it? Or, are they in a place where they have no choice, and must risk communicating secretly with me?

I can't make accurate judgments without knowing their situation at this time. Since my body has improved, I began to think about the changes that might be brought about by the possibility of leaks, and to make feasible plans for these changes. I don’t know if this is unnecessary, but even if the personality consciousness has changed-this can be easily judged by comparing the information stored in the brain hardware with the analysis of the current mental state-but, perhaps it is like a peach According to Rose's personality theory, the original structure has not changed. Therefore, although my personality seems to be slightly weaker now, I still maintain similar habits and habits.

Although I can do the same things, such as thinking about possibilities and making plans, I am different from myself in the doomsday fantasy. I feel that my current self is like a small animal who has to be careful because of my weakness, not It is cautious in the conventional sense.

Indeed, I am now, both physically and mentally. Can't be called strong.

It's not that there is no growth at all.

Let’s not mention the state of mind. At least physically, it has recovered to a relatively healthy level after a strange change not long ago. However, the lingering sense of danger and everything seen in the dream of spiral staircases, as well as those crazy auditory hallucinations, All convinced me that this is definitely not a "good phenomenon" in the true sense.

I constantly use the knowledge I have to dissect myself, analyze the situation, and guess the reason. Sometimes the focus is on the degree of integration of personality information displayed by the brain hardware, and it will even raise a kind of desperate bet. It's even more like an idea of ​​self-defeating and abandoning oneself-simply take the initiative to merge, give up the current personality, the psychology of this personality is too fragile, and integrate that deep information. The memory will be restored, and the mind will become stronger. In the current state, nothing can be done. Besides, even if you don’t actively integrate, don’t you also passively integrate a lot, which leads to today’s psychological fragility?

However, another voice will tell myself that I want to rely on my own strength to become stronger.

It’s not that the inability to accept deep personality information is also one’s own, it’s just that. It is also very difficult to accept that it is a part of yourself to just recognize that it is a part of yourself, or even to give up your current self. Even, it's a bit difficult to understand. Even the "Gaochuan" in the doomsday illusion did not do this?

His hesitation has been inherited by me now, and under the influence of the half-hearted memory of the past, it seems to be amplified.

Think about it carefully. The memories I recover are almost all the things that happened before the catastrophe and shortly after the catastrophe. At that time, it was still the child's own self. Judging from psychology, being in an environment where you have to endure pain, fear and oppression, it must produce a very extreme and fragile personality, so it combines the personality information and memory information generated during that period of time. It's no surprise that he will become where he is now.

I just sat on the chair in front of the computer and thought, the light from the computer screen seemed to start to dazzle. I feel more and more how powerful psychology is. But also deeply felt that it was powerless. I can analyze my psychology and personality in a fairly awake state, so that I can understand what makes myself different from others. However, the more so, the more I feel that it is not easy to change my psychology and personality. **(..)

Maybe you know a lot of knowledge that can explain your own behavior and modality, but this kind of explanation cannot be directly transformed into action, even, it hinders the further transformation of the mind-because if you can explain it, They tend to forgive it with a sense of relief and understanding, acquiesce to it, and even willing to bear the misfortune and pain it brings.

——Because this is something that can't be helped?

——Yes, I am such a person.

——That’s fine, I don’t plan to change myself.

——Understanding things and doing things can’t be equated, don’t you understand this kind of truth?

——I can bear the consequences of my choice.

These many, seemingly realistic and handsome ideas on the surface will always jump out to stop them before deciding to transform themselves. The more you understand who you are, the less you can refute these seemingly reasonable ideas. Obsessed with the present self, obsessed with doing something with the present self, and obsessed with the present self to bear some things. It seems that once it has changed, it will no longer be itself, producing a feeling similar to "death", or feel that it will become another unacceptable, unimaginable creature.

Understanding, understanding, affirmation and persistence of oneself will produce strong resistance to all changes that happen to oneself.

Yes, just like now, I know all this, and I feel tricky and powerless about how to act to change myself. This is also an important reason why I have not been able to actively integrate deep personality information.

Those thoughts once thought to be handsome now seem to be distorted in their essence, seem to become something ridiculous and negative, which makes people feel fragile and sophistry, and become stupid and hateful. Get up, it makes me fall into a feeling of self-disgust for a while.

If it's another Gaochuan, I can't help but think of the unique "Gaochuan" who has been watching me and encouraging me in the dream of spiral staircase.

Those who have been heard are supposed to remind me and help my auditory hallucinations. It also comes from him. and. The magic pattern inherited from him has helped me a lot. It can even be said that without his help, even the self in the doomsday environment would not be able to break through those terrifying and weird obstacles and handle all kinds of things well.

Maybe it's already dead.

What will happen if you die in the doomsday illusion?

——The personality will die.

Ah, the auditory hallucinations have appeared again, really like his voice.

If it is him, face this kind of self-attachment. What choice will be made? When encountering a situation where he has not determined that he has to give up to win, and giving up himself does not necessarily lead to victory, what choice will he make? After giving up on yourself, the possibility of saving the people you love will increase. What choice will he make when it is only to improve, but not sure?

Yes, he must be personality information that I have not inherited, but I don't know him. Many things have happened to him, even if you just see it, you can feel the power that he exudes. Even in the face of such a terrifying monster Jiang, who looked like a natural enemy, he was not at all scared at all.

He has always been in this body, and he is clearly alive in a certain sense. But gave up the possibility of resurrection, did not choose to defeat me, and gave me what I had.

I want to know why he can do such a thing.

That must not be because you couldn't admit your failure, couldn't bear your own responsibilities, and couldn't take another step to give up. Even if I don't know much about him, he is still the Gaochuan of a certain period, and he and I have something in common. I know that he must not have that personality.

Just seeing him, just hearing him speak, you can feel how powerful his heart is. His body seemed to be surrounded by a strong breath like reinforced concrete at any time.

That Gaochuan, in a sense. It makes people feel as horrible as Jiang factor.

Whether it is when he is smiling or when he is silent. All make people feel an overwhelming sense of existence. It seems that although he is silent, he can carry anything and give up what he used to be for certain things. As long as he acts, it will surprise everyone.

Although I don't want to admit it, I envy him and I am afraid of him at the same time. If you completely inherit the deep personality information, you may become him, but, because of this, people have a particularly strong sense of unwillingness and fear in addition to anticipation.

It is also "Gao Chuan", what he can do, but he can't do it. This kind of cognition is really gritted.

The rush of thinking and complex emotions made me hungry soon.

How long has it been? I don't know, there is no time even in the computer. In this enclosed building, the sense of time has quickly become blurred. Although we are estimating time, the accuracy is hardly expected, and human perception has always been a very subtle thing.

There is almost nothing in this room.

Besides thinking, I don’t know what else to do. In addition to keeping everything in my head, I dare not just jot down my thoughts on the computer, and there is not even a piece of toilet paper in this room, let alone a pen.

It’s useless to wait any longer. I don’t seem to expect someone to bring food. I have to go out looking for food.

It's unbelievable. It's a precious "special case", but it's so casually placed in play. I can't help but make people suspect that the people here have ulterior motives, maybe there are cameras monitoring this room all the time. However, no matter how to find it, it is futile. I really hope that the person watching did not see the communication between me and Dorothy.

Theoretically, it is not very difficult technically to let the opposite side of the monitor see the "normal image", so I can only hope that Dorothy can handle the end of the hand.

I adjusted my expression, opened the door, and walked straight along the long arc corridor. I don't know if there is a canteen here or where it is. I can only pay close attention to what might look like an indoor entrance. Most "doors" do not have nameplates, so although it is guessed that there is a room behind, it is impossible to determine whether the occupant is a doomsday syndrome patient.

In the previous video data from Dorothy, I did not find the "critical ward" in my memory in the entire island screen. If there is any special place, it is the building above the enclosed building. The tall tower on the hill. Its location and shape are too prominent. At a glance, it gives people the feeling of loneliness and forbidden to approach. So I have to guess that the hospital has transformed the "critical ward".

If this is the "critical ward", it is also completely different from the scene in memory. In the past, the "intensive care room" was filled with the painful and crazy howls of patients, and it was possible to see cruel behavior at any time: maybe an assistant was killed by the patient, maybe the patients were killing each other, or the patients were ignoring each other. Your own body is forced to pull yourself out of imprisonment. Perhaps a certain researcher is using relatively crude and primitive methods to conduct human research on patients with advanced stages.

Crying, screaming. The sound of wailing, the sound of electric drills, the sound of electricity, the sound of blood spurting. The creaking sound of the saw blade stuck in the bone, the sound of a fan, the sound of heavy breathing, and even the sound of no idea what it is. What is even more frightening is that these sounds that do not know how to describe it. , Is emitted by the "human form"-before those patients become liquid, they have become irreparable things.

You can smell blood every day, and later, it seems that blood is not fishy. Instead, it exudes a faintly sweet smell like night lavender.

At first I felt that many places were too dark, and it seemed that monsters would jump out at any time, and those crazy voices exacerbated the fantasy in my mind, but over time, I became accustomed to it, and even felt that the sounds were like a countryman playing Yes, a crappy but charming symphony with a rhythm that makes people want to jump.

If, in this closed building, a similar sound is also made. I would certainly not feel timid and strange when a similar scene appeared, but none of these things appeared. It was a long corridor as if everyone had left. It seems that even if I reach the end, I can only see my own shadow, which is really weird. On the contrary, it makes people feel a little nervous.

I tried to press the palm of my hand on the "door", but nothing happened, even the most likely bad result did not appear.

These "doors" seem to be just a decoration. However, when I put my ears on it, in a vague way, it seemed that I could hear the sound coming from inside.

There are people behind the door in front of me, but the soundproofing of the room is so good, and the other party doesn't seem to be going out.

Because the only place I can see in the hallway is for my own sake, I can't tell if I want to play a prank or want to vent, so I kicked the door hard.

There was a loud "boom," which surprised me a bit.

I looked around with a guilty conscience, but no one came to see what was going on.

The people in the room didn't plan to come out and scold me.

This result is irritating and makes my stomach hungry.

I want to eat something, such as **** meat...

I have never eaten this kind of undercooked meat. It is said that it is highly recommended in foreign countries, but I have never tried it once. Suddenly, I suddenly wanted to eat this kind of meat and eat it in large chunks.

When I came back to my senses, I was puzzled by this idea, but I didn't feel terrible. It seemed that this was the real idea in my heart, and I really wanted to eat that kind of meat.

"What are you doing?" A voice came from behind.

It's Dr. Ruan Li. When I turned my head, she was already standing there, and she suddenly jumped out from somewhere or when. In this unawareness, her voice sounded very abruptly, making my heart beat a little too fast.

"I want to ask, where is the place to eat." I made a serious face, adjusted my tone and rhythm, and said slowly.

"Well, you don't seem to have eaten all day long?" Dr. Ruan Li walked over and looked at me and said, "However, you seem to be more energetic than during the day... and look good!"

"During the day?" I was a little surprised, because I always felt that it was only a few hours since I woke up, "Doctor, when was the last time we met?"

"About nine o'clock in the morning, it happens to be my duty time."

Unexpectedly, I should have been in the room for such a long time, during which time I have been thinking about things? Looking back now, it's really unbelievable. And, I don’t know why, the brain suddenly feels blank, like suddenly forgetting something, and like the idling feeling after intense thinking ~IndoMTL.com~ suddenly pauses.

Doctor Ruan Li raised his arm, and then I realized that she was holding a paper cup in her hand, which was filled with hot coffee.

Doctor Ruan Li took a sip of coffee, and I couldn't help licking my lips, feeling a little thirsty. Of course, it is not because of Dr. Ruan Li's good figure, full of mature and rational temperament, etc. I think it should be her actions that strengthened her appetite, and I can't wait to eat or drink.

"Huh? Your eyes are uncomfortable." Dr. Ruan Li's eyes met me straight, as he said.

"Really? I'm really sorry, I'm so hungry." I was a little embarrassed.

"Hungry?" Doctor Ruan Li paused, then said, "Maybe."

I don't quite understand what this female doctor is thinking. Like Dr. Ender, she has a wealth of psychological knowledge and experience.

"I will take you to the restaurant now. After you finish eating, we will have a physical examination." Dr. Ruan Li said as if emphasizing: "Don't worry, it's just a routine checkup." (To be continued. ..)