Tears in Heaven Chapter 7: Transparent (7)

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The sky around me slowly darkened, the street lights were on, and the car lights were on. The night was so beautiful, as if it were poison. And she is trapped in the nine hells, and she will never live beyond her life.

"Zhen Rong," her voice was almost calm, "let's break up, I can't be with you."

Finally, he let go of his hand, there was no light in his eyes, as if all of a sudden, the whole person was suddenly dimmed like a shadow. He didn't speak, and turned around slowly.

He walked very slowly at first, but then he walked faster and faster, and soon disappeared on the corner of the street. And she stood there like a fool, just watching him drift away.

She didn't know how long she stood there before stopping the taxi home.

When she got home, she put the water to take a bath. The water was rushing. She was a little dazed. There was a monotonous voice that kept ringing. After a long while, she remembered that it was a phone call, as if her mind had gone stiff. It kept ringing, what should she do if the phone rings? What should I do if the phone rang? Finally remembered that I should answer the phone.

She stumbled out, tripped over the piggy pillow on the carpet, and slammed on the coffee table. She was so painful that she could even burst into tears. She only saw the caller ID, so she quickly grabbed the receiver. .

"Xiaosu? Today's weather forecast says there is a cold spell, so your thick coat hasn't been put away yet. Wear more tomorrow. Spring will cover autumn. Don't be greedy for beauty and refuse to wear clothes."

"I know."

"What's wrong with your voice?"

"I have a cold."

Mama Du suddenly murmured: "Why are you so careless? Have you taken any medicine? Can't you call Xiao Shao to see if you need an injection?"

"Mom, I'm simmering soup on the gas, it's going to overflow, I'm dead."

"Hey! This kid does things, he doesn't know what to do! Go and go!"

She hung up the phone, only to realize that the whole piece of skin was broken on her elbow, revealing crimson blood and flesh, which didn't hurt. She thought nonchalantly, it didn't hurt.

After the shower, she started to feel dazed again, and her hair was drenched. What should I do? She thought a little hard, to dry it, she should use a hair dryer.

After finally finding the hair dryer, picking it up and looking for the switch, the usual subconscious movements became the most difficult task. She turned the hair dryer over and turned it over, thinking: Where is the switch? Why can't I find it?

Finally, I found the switch, and the wind sprayed all over my face with a "wheeze", I was caught off guard, and tears burst out of my eyes.

She didn't know how long she had been crying in the bathroom, maybe one hour, maybe four hours, the wound on her elbow was so painful that she couldn't help it. It hurts like this, it hurts like this... She cried, and it turned out to be so painful... It hurts so much that it makes people unable to breathe, and it makes people unable to think. She grabbed her clothes and put her head on the cold basin, so that the pain came out from the internal organs, and the pain was desperate.

She whimpered and shrank herself, curled up next to the basin. It was cold. She was trembling with the cold, but there was no other way than crying. She was wrong, wrong so badly, she didn't know it would hurt like this, but now that she knew it, she couldn't help it. She shrank and shrank, only wishing she would disappear from this world, or she would forget Shao Zhenrong forever. But when I think of him, my chest feels tight and I can't breathe out. It hurts, it hurts like this, as long as I think of him, it hurts like this.

She had a high fever for a week, and the wound was infected. At first, she didn't care, but insisted on going to work. In the end, she burned into a trance and her hands could hardly move, so she went to the community hospital. The doctor saw her suppurative, red and swollen wound and immediately advised her to go to a large general hospital. She was just afraid that she couldn't make it through. Fortunately, it is not his hospital, half a city away from his hospital.

But I was still afraid, afraid that she would tremble when she saw a doctor in a white robe. She was so afraid that tears would fall anytime and anywhere.

Squeeze out the pus from the wound and scrape off the rotten flesh.

The nurse who handled the wound for her was very surprised, and said, "Why did you delay coming to the hospital until now? You will be useless if you don't come again!" Then he said, "Don't move, it hurts a bit, just bear it. Alright."

Yin, she endured desperately, so it hurts, it hurts like this. The pain was so clear that the knife was scratching the wound, and the pain was so clear that the scissors cut the flesh, but she didn't shed a single tear. She pinched her fingers deeply into her palm, thinking numbly: How long will it take? How long will it take to end, and how long will it take to stop the pain?

Three or four bags of drips every day, the fever gradually subsided, and her hands were still unable to move. Changing the dressing every day was like torture. She would rather endure the cruelty that is almost scraping than the pain in her heart.

One day when she fell asleep in the middle of the night, the phone rang in a daze, she picked it up, heard a familiar voice, and only called her "Xiaosu". She thought it was a dream, but it turned out to be a dream. The phone hung up almost immediately. Listening to the short busy tone, she thought: It turned out to be a dream.

She lay down and went to sleep again, her arm was sore that she couldn't help it, so she had to get up and find Fenbidee. It still hurts to take one, and it still hurts to take two. She awkwardly broke out the whole box of medicine. If the small handful was swallowed all, would it not hurt?

She put those capsules to her mouth, as long as she lifted her neck and swallowed it, it might never hurt.

After hesitating for a long time, she finally threw the medicine out fiercely, and the capsule fell on the ground, like a handful of beans, banging loudly. She fell down, her hand still hurt, and it hurt so much that she almost wanted to cry again. She yelled in a very small voice: "Shao Zhenrong."

No one responds to her in the dark.

She was so painful that she curled up, curled herself up, and finally fell asleep slowly.

When I saw Du Xiaosu again, Lin Xiangyuan was really surprised.

She seems to be a different person. The last time I saw her, she was so radiant, like a jewel, she could not look away from others, but this time seeing her, she seemed to be dimmed suddenly, never The dazzling glory of that day. Although she was still attentive during the meeting, but occasionally, she could always see her thick and deep long eyelashes, covering a pair of eyes, like the deep shadow of a secluded pool, reflecting the sky and clouds, but with a dazed and bewildered.

After the meeting came down to the parking lot, Du Xiaosu realized that he had forgotten the information in the meeting room. Ning Weicheng didn't say anything, but she was very guilty. Recently, she hadn't kept her sanctuary and she was always at a loss. She whispered to Ning Weicheng: "Manager Ning, or you should go first. I'll take the information and call home by myself."

She got on the elevator and went upstairs again, opened the door of the meeting room, but was startled.

The lights were not turned on in the meeting room, only a little red light could be seen in the dark, and the shadows could see a person sitting there smoking. She came in from the corridor outside, and couldn't see who it was for a while, so she hesitated and wanted to exit first.

"Xiaosu." Suddenly he called her in the darkness.

She deliberately said in a relaxed tone: "It turns out that President Lin is here—I forgot things here."

"I know." His voice was calm, "The switch is on the wall behind you."

She stretched out her hand and touched it, and she pressed it down, and the ceiling was filled with star-like lights, all of a sudden brightening. She was a little uncomfortable with the sudden light, so she couldn't help but stretched out her hand to cover her eyes.

When he put down his hand, Lin Xiangyuan had already stood up from the table and handed her the document. His figure is still tall, and the huge shadow obscures the light above his head. She said cautiously, "Thank you."

"Xiaosu, we don't need to be so polite between us."

She was silent for a while, and finally said: "Okay, President Lin."

He suddenly smiled: "Xiaosu, I will treat you to dinner."

She said, "Thank you Lin, but I have an appointment with a friend, so let's talk about it next time I have a chance."

He finally sighed, as if trying to forbear something, but still asked: "Xiaosu, have you encountered something? Can I help you?"

She shook her head lightly, no one can help her, she just committed crimes and couldn't live.

He laughed at himself and laughed: "I am... I am really overpowered. Please don't get me wrong. I think you are a little unwell today, so just from the standpoint of a friend, I want to know if you Encounter difficulties."

She was pale, she just didn't want to speak anymore.

After a long silence, he said, "Xiaosu, I'm sorry."

Du Xiaosu's face seemed very calm, and his voice was also: "You don't have a place to sorry me."

"Xiaosu, you are from a wealthy family, so you never understand what striving is, because you are born without struggling. I know you despise me and despise me, but you have never had my experience." He With a little self-deprecating smile, "In the past, you asked me why I did a Ph.D. Now I can tell you that it is because of low self-esteem. Yes, low self-esteem. Only a degree can win the respect of others, and only a degree allows me to pay for myself. Have confidence. Can't think of it? Such a ridiculous reason.

"You know that I was born in a mining area, and my father died very early. I never told you that my mother did not have a formal job, so I relied on that poor pension and my mother's part-time job. I can go to school only with money. I will never forget, because I don’t have money, I watched my mother’s disease from hepatitis B to cirrhosis. Her disease was delayed by being poor. I can’t stand it anymore. Life, such poverty. Our No. 1 Middle School in the mining area is very famous. Every year, many students are admitted to Tsinghua and Peking University. Do you know why? Because of poverty, there is no way and no way out, so I have to study hard, get admitted to a prestigious university, come out and become a new man.

"But do you know how difficult it is? I took three or four times the effort of ordinary people to get the scholarship, but I graduated with nothing, no connections, no relationship, no trust, Xiaosu, I will never I will forget my embarrassment when I was looking for a job. But you, you said you were going to Beijing and staying with me. You never thought about finding a job, because your father’s comrades in arms will arrange everything for you. If you look down on me because of this, I will feel better, but you are not like that. You have no such idea at all. Instead, you are looking for a job for me.

"At that time, I could hardly raise my head in front of you. What can I have in the end after so many years of hard work? Not comparable to a phone call from your father, not comparable to the one my undergraduate classmates knew at home Uncle, that uncle. I don’t have anything, and I even have to rely on you. I still need to feed my mother so that she can spend her twilight years peacefully. I am her only hope and only pride in her life! At school , You always feel puzzled and wronged for my refusal to take you home. I don’t want to take you home, but feel that I can’t let you face my mother. I have been studying until my Ph. It’s a house like a house, a house like that...

"I am so good and proud in front of you. You have always been proud of me. You have always felt that I am the best in the world. You don't know how much effort I put in to stand with you. And you It’s easy, still more than I have. You are so beautiful and so good, so simple that it makes me feel inferior. It’s too hard for me to be with you to preserve this beauty, so hard. So in the end I really can't bear it, I can't persist anymore..."

He paused for a while, as if he smiled, his voice turned slightly, with indescribable sadness: "Xiaosu, you can't make up for anything now, but I can say these things to you, which makes me feel much better. "

His words were like a rain, and it was close to her, which made her feel only a bit cold. The lights in the conference room shattered, shining on him, and the well-tailored handmade suits made people distinct, familiar, and strange. She really didn't think that he had had such thoughts and pressure. She tried her best to forget those things in the past, but she did not expect to ruin everything today. And she just kept silent for a long time, as if she wanted to exile everything in the past quietly and silently.

Finally, she said: "The past has passed, it is not important anymore."

He said: "Xiaosu, please forgive me."

She was still very silent: "You did nothing wrong, let alone my forgiveness." Then she asked, "Can I go now?"

"I will give it to you."

"No need." She pushed back the door of the meeting room. There was wind in the hallway outside, making it even colder when it was blowing.

On the way home, Du Xiaosu looked at the street view outside the car window. At dusk, the city is bustling with hustle and bustle, with cars and horses running like dragons, bustling as if nothing ever happened. It's like a dream, if you can wake up, nothing will happen.

And she will never be able to wake up from this nightmare.

I realized that my bag was missing when I arrived at the door. I don’t know if it was on the subway or in a taxi.

Tired, she doesn't want to think about it.

So he leaned against the door and sat down slowly, holding his knees, like a baby. This is the safest and the best. If you can think of nothing, it would be great.

The key wallet and mobile phone are all in that bag.

She can't get in, but it doesn't matter, she doesn't want to get in anyway.

Some things in this world have died forever and can't live anymore. She buried her head in her arms, and if she could, she wanted to die just like that, without having to come back to life.

She once thought that she had really forgotten, such an unbearable past. Because of the ignorance and parochialism of youth, and the impulsive indulgence because of broken love, one night later, she hurriedly found that she was sleeping with a strange man. After panic, she finally forced herself to forget. Successfully, forever, forgotten, completely, never remembered, like a pair of scissors, cutting out the mess in the middle, leaving no trace of the rest. Even she herself took the initiative and consciously erased all that memory, wiped it clean. But after all, it was the heinous crime she committed that gave her today's retribution. She thought it was just an occasional misstep. With a good tutor for more than 20 years, she had never done such a bold thing, but she lost her temper after drinking. She didn't expect to have retribution today. It turned out to be retribution.

She was wrong, so badly wrong, so outrageous, she couldn't think about it, she couldn't think that the man would reappear in front of her, and he was Shao Zhenrong's brother. This is retribution. As long as I think about it, my whole heart will be anguished, as if the whole person is trapped in the nine-fold hell, burned by fire and ice, and will never turn over or be peaceful.

She only remembered calling Zou Siqi late that night because her spare key was with Zou Siqi. She waited for a long time, and finally the elevator finally stopped on this floor, and there were footsteps. Someone came to her, but it was not Zou Siqi who sent the key, nor a neighbor, but Shao Zhenrong.

She sat in front of the door exhausted like that. When she saw him, she jumped slightly, as if she wanted to escape, but behind her was the locked door and there was no way to go back.

He looked at her quietly, carrying her bag in his hand. She looked at him hurriedly, and he gave her the bag in a low voice: "You forgot in the taxi. The driver looked at the phone. Phone book, and then called me."

She didn't dare to speak or move. She was like a fish in a shallow pond. She was afraid that a swipe of her tail would agitate people and never recover.

"Xiaosu," he finally called out her name, as if these two words carried some kind of pain, his voice was still very soft, as gentle as ever, he said, "You have to take care of yourself, Don't always leave things like this."

She didn't move. He stretched out his hand and held the bag in front of her for a long time, but she still did not move, let alone reach out to receive it.

Finally, he gently placed the bag on the ground in front of her, turned and left.

Until the elevator door closed, she raised her head shaking with a slight "ding".

She didn't care about anything, she just rushed to the elevator door. The number had changed rapidly and decreased, like a desperate heartbeat.

She tried desperately to press the button, but it didn't work, he was gone, it didn't work. She pressed the button desperately, desperately watching the numbers decrease one by one, he was really gone. She turned around and ran down the fire-fighting stairs. There were layers of stairs, black holes, no lights, no people, endless layers of steps, spinning down, endlessly down...

She only heard the sound of her own footsteps, "ta-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta", accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, "plop" was about to jump out of her chest, so anxious, so fast, even breathing was almost difficult. It’s just too late, knowing it’s too late...

She ran downstairs in one breath and pushed open the heavy smoke-proof door with a "bang". The rebounding door leaf hit her calf and staggered her, but she still stood firm because she couldn't fall. She has no time.

The hall in front of me was empty, the marble floor reflected cold lights, and there was a sound outside, maybe it was raining.

She didn't hesitate at all, so she rushed out and hurriedly down the steps, just in time to see his car's taillights, red, like a pair of eyes, dripping with blood and tears, but gone in a flash. Turned the lane and never saw it again.

It's really raining. The rain has soaked her hair. She didn't even cry. She knew that he had really gone.

He really left.

She stood there, like a fool, silent.

I knew that it was hell, but I plunged myself into it myself, so desperate.