The Lame Daoist Priest: The first tragic dragon

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In 1993, on the day of my birth, the fat nurse walked to the nursery with me, but I slipped on my feet and fell into a big squat! Still pressed me down firmly! Had it not been for the tenacious vitality of Lao Tzu, he would have been smashed to death by these two hundred catties of meat balls!

My father is uneducated, and he was blinded when he got his name. At this time, Bruce Lee's "The Raptors Crossing the River" was being shown on the TV, so the inspiration came up immediately, and he patted the table and said: "It's called Bruce Lee!" What a coincidence, my father's surname is Li.

Submit the birth certificate to the relevant department and give me a registered residence. In the end, I don’t know which grandson got it, but he wrote Bruce Lee as Zhang Xiaolong! So the biggest joke ever appeared on my household registration book! My father's name is Li Guofu, my name is Zhang Xiaolong, and I am your uncle. Which 2B brain damage gave me the account? Have you ever seen a son and dad who don’t have the same surname? But the family is in the countryside, and the parents are uneducated, so this matter will not be solved.

When I was 5 years old, I wore open crotch pants and played stone throwing with four children, and I broke the glass in the house next door to Uncle Li! I swear! I definitely didn't throw the stone that hit the glass of Uncle Li's house! It was done by the other four kids! As a result, Uncle Li came out and asked who did it. The hands of the four grandsons pointed at me at the same time. That was a tacit understanding! Silence is better than sound here! I just got it, so many of you grandchildren, cheat me, right? I will never play with you again! I thought fiercely in my heart... and later my father lost the money for the glass and gave me a stinky beating when he went home.

When I was 6 years old, I walked behind my mother’s ass, but I forgot that my mother had the habit of closing the door easily. As a result, my head was caught by the door. At that time, I cried, my head was swollen like a big-headed baby. The same, it took more than a month to reduce the swelling.

When I was 7 years old, because the Chinese pinyin was confused with the English alphabet, the teacher refused to let me go from kindergarten to the first grade. As a result, I squatted honorably!

When I was 8 years old, it was stinky between classes. I took out a bottle of Jianlibao drink and dangled it in front of other children. When I opened the pull ring, all the drinks sprayed out, making Xiaohui's chest wet. , I hurried to help her wipe! As a result, the class bell rang, and the teacher came in. He was a bald middle-aged man who looked rather wretched. She saw me rubbing Xiaohui's chest and yelled: "Let go of that girl!"

Then took me to the office and gave me ideological education. He said that I was precocious, blasphemed against female classmates, and of bad nature, and almost didn't expel me. Later, my father gave the grandson two big roosters, so I was considered to have kept me. He also said that the death penalty is inevitable, and the living sin is inevitable, so I continue to squat in the kindergarten for a year.

When I was 9 years old, I finally graduated from kindergarten! Daddy tears in his eyes, who he saw and told who he said: My son is promising!

At the age of 11, the factory where my father works is facing bankruptcy. At a critical moment, my father made a move, and he actually saved the entire factory! In order to thank the old man, the chairman promoted him to the manager and asked him to study with pay, from Chinese pinyin to financial management. To say that this person is really fate, who knows that Dad who came out to work in a rural area could encounter such a good thing?

In the same year, a few children and I went to someone else’s garden to steal apples, but they were discovered by their dog and chased us! We run like life! I don't know what's going on, I obviously ran in the forefront, but the dog just fell in love with me! More than a few other children, threw me to the ground and bite me wildly! Those grandsons were not loyal enough, and they all ran away! Later, I went to the hospital for several stitches and was given a rabies vaccine. The school was afraid that I would infect my classmates. It especially put me on a 6-month long vacation, which is longer than the TM summer vacation. This is really cool!

At the same time, the chairman of Dad’s factory bought a building for my family in the city so Dad can go to work. So we moved, and I said goodbye to those grandsons who had cheated me for more than ten years!

12 years old, my parents are not at home, I want to wipe the glass and give them a surprise. As a result, he couldn't stand firm and fell straight down! I live on the second floor! Just live on the 2nd floor! But I broke a leg!

13-year-old, went to the toilet with elementary school classmates to learn to smoke, and the dean suddenly came to the toilet for spot checks! These grandchildren are very experienced. Throw the cigarette butts directly into the toilet and flush the water, and then swiftly took out the chewing gum from their pockets! I am the only one who stupidly smiled at the dean of training with a cigarette **** in my mouth...

14 years old, failed to confess to girls! Decided to commit suicide by buying a bottle of pesticide! I exchanged 130 yuan for the pesticide from the owner of the pesticide shop. As a result, I drank a piece of toenails and vomited. I vomited all night and collapsed the next morning.

At the age of 15, I looked back and found that my life was full of tragedies, and committed suicide by buying pesticides for the second time! But this time I learned to be smart and changed to a pesticide store. After I bought it, I twisted the bottle cap and found that I got another bottle! Tears filled my eyes, and my heart said that Nima has been fifteen years! Fifteen years! I finally got another drink! At that time, I didn’t care about committing suicide. I took the bottle cap and ran to the pesticide store. I found the boss and exchanged another bottle. Then I returned home with a smirk. I saw my parents sitting on the sofa without the lid. I put my pesticide bottle on the coffee table. They looked at me grimly, but I got another stinking beating. Since then, I swear that I will never drink pesticides indiscriminately!

16 years old, standing under a telephone pole and peeing, who knew the telephone pole was leaking! Paralysis almost didn't electrocut me! I cried at that time, Nima, I provoke someone, I just wanted to pee, and almost killed myself!

17 years old, admitted to a nearby ordinary high school, at his own expense. My transcript can be described by a line of poetry: There are so many people in the front, and I dominate in the back. Therefore, if you can enter a self-funded high school, you should burn high incense. Although the grades are poor, the last one is nothing, but after all, he was admitted to high school! Dad decided to set up a college entrance banquet!

In the same year, my mother bought me a ‘Basket 1258’ for me to ride to school every day. I don’t have any complaints. The school is not far from home, and I can ride home in about fifteen minutes.

Riding a bicycle, I am becoming more proficient in bicycle technology, and now I can do it with ease, just like acrobatics. But something unexpected happened! When I let go of the car, I didn’t notice a small pebble in front of me. As a result, the front tire rolled up and I fell directly. I fell off my chin hook and fractured my left arm. My parents hurriedly sent me to the hospital. Hospitalization.

In the hospital for seven days, the arm was put in a cast, and the hook of the chin was hung back again.

My girlfriend who had been in the hospital for three months came to visit me in the hospital and left a sentence saying that you are a good person. I said to my heart that you actually wanted to scold me for being a stupid, right, who can bear that his boyfriend’s head was caught by the door when he was young, the kindergarten squatted for two years, fell from the second floor and could break his leg and drink pesticide twice. Suicide failed, he was almost electrocuted by taking a pee, and a hunk who could still fall off his chin while riding a bicycle?

On the day I was discharged from the hospital, the doctor told me that after the chin hook was dropped once, it would easily fall off again in the future, so he taught me how to fix the chin hook by myself, and he reminded me that I can’t chew too much after eating. Fast, you can’t speak too fast, you can’t shout or sing with your mouth wide open...

Although I have tried my best to pay attention to this problem, accidents often occur. One time when I was eating in the cafeteria at noon, my jaw dropped while eating, and my saliva was straight. As a result, three old ladies on the opposite side called me stinky BT, stinky hooligan, and I’m just dead. No matter how bad my vision is, it’s impossible to look at me. Are you three dinosaurs drooling? I'm so speechless...

Soon, my name spread throughout the high school.

In Qingtian City No. 2 Middle School, you don't need to know the first school flower, but you absolutely must not know the first joke, Zhang Xiaolong Xiansen.

Anyway, buddy, I am a celebrity. I have a 90% return rate in school. Everyone is whispering behind their backs. No one in the class wants to make friends with me. It doesn’t matter, they I don't know Taishan, and I haven't noticed my macho side at all.

It is mid-October, and when school is over in the evening, the sky is completely dark. On the way home by bike, I found a group of people in front of me watching something.

Had a car accident?

I like to watch the excitement. I pushed my beloved basket 1258 forward, and finally squeezed to the front. Before I could see the situation clearly, I only heard an old voice tremblingly shouting: "Sun , Grandson, save grandpa!"

I saw a sloppy old man lying on the side of the road, pointing at me with his index finger.

I pointed to my nose and asked: "Me?"

I don't even know this old man, but I'm sure, he must be referring to me! Buddy, I keep clicking my back, watching the fun and picking up a cheap grandpa, this kind of thing is not uncommon, I am already numb to the devastation.

"It's you! Grandson!" The old man called out a kindness!

Although I keep clicking on my back, buddy, this does not mean that I have a low IQ. I nodded and asked: "Do you know my name?"

"Zhang Xiaolong." The old man replied quickly and concisely.

"How do you know?!" I asked in surprise.

At this time, the passerby next to him said: "Boy, are you a student in the second high school? You pretended not to know your own grandfather. This character is too bad. I'm going to your school and talk to your principal."

The old man also said: "Grandson, come and help me. Grandpa raised you from a young age. You must be filial to Grandpa."

Be filial to your grandma!

Today is definitely the most memorable moment in my history. If I don't help the old man now, I will most likely be expelled from school. If I help him, this old man is likely to be a messenger and will depend on me in the future.

Because of so many people watching, I can only come to the old man and help him up. The old man whispered: "Hey, I wonder why I know your name? The school sign on your chest reveals your identity."

I was lying in a trough and almost threw him back to the ground without letting go...